Delirious Page #3

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Okay.

But for you, go get me coffee.

Okay.

It's impossible now because

we're in the middle of a meeting.

- Housecleaning?

- One hour.

Finish, Byron.

Okay, that's it for the Today Show.

There's nothing else about that.

Vanity Fair's now confirmed

for the 19 th. Definite.

Great.

Music Awards.

Music Awards?

Do you want to present?

No.

Premiere a video.

No performance, just the video.

Oh my god,

do you have a new song?

No, but I'm working on it.

Okay, income.

Well, increases all the way

down the line, as you can see.

I want to do a fragrance.

Oh, my God.

Yes! I love this.

That is something I could

really run with K'harma.

Something spicy.

It could be anything.

K'harma Spice. K'harma Mist.

Or K'harmania. K'harmalicious.

K'harmageddon.

Those are definitely

interesting ideas.

Oh, I have one more thing

that I have to mention.

I got an e-mail from your parents.

My parents?

Actually,

their attorney. I'm going to

read you just the gist of it.

"Blah, blah, blah, congratulations

on your upcoming birthday...

...however despite

your painful decision to separate

from us you are still our daughter

and we feel we have a moral

and legal right to compensation

for the expense

we incurred in raising you."

Expense?

How much do they want?

Seven million.

Come on, The Star

just offered me six.

Give me nine and it's yours.

Well, I got to have at least eight.

Alright, seven.

Look, you screw me on this

I'm going to come

over there with a machete.

I'm just kidding.

Just send the check.

Seven hundred dollars!

Placed! Yes!

Alright! Hey, you know what?

You did good today.

- Thanks, Les.

- You know what I'm thinking?

I'll going to take your headshots.

Free of charge.

- Really?

- Yeah. And I'll tell you what.

I know some casting directors.

I'll send it to them...

maybe get you some extra work.

Les, you're awesome.

Alright. Take it easy.

I thought you said you weren't gay.

Thank you.

- You hungry?

- I'm starving.

Alright, here's the Plan.

We sack out for a few hours then

we go to this benefit uptown.

It's small potatoes for me

but we'll score free chow.

- Sounds like a plan.

- Alright.

Get in that private room, Private,

- and catch some Z's.

- Yes, sir!

Hey, y'all. What's up?

I don't have to introduce myself

because everybody knows me.

I'm Derek McFletcher. I play

Kyle McKendrick on Hearts Aflame.

I'm speaking to you tonight

not only as a daytime soap star

but as an STD survivor.

Dudes, chicks out there,

listen up,

the first time I got gonorrhea

I thought I was going to die.

The second time...

Don't be stingy on that beefsteak,

partner. We got a growing boy here.

Gentlemen. Gentlemen.

Nice jacket.

- Royce Ralston, Hearts Aflame.

- How are you?

I trust you two are among

the sexually enlightened?

- Yeah.

- Oh, yeah. Rule number one...

never let a hooker slip you

the tongue. Right, Tobe?

You know what I'm talking about.

There's probably a couple

hookers here, you know.

Here comes one now.

Hey, Muffy. How are you?

The sexiest publicist

in New York City.

Now, you behave, Les.

- Get in there, Muffy.

- Oh my.

I got to run.

What do we got?

You're lucky. You got

the place to yourself.

That's the Benefit Chairman

and those two

are Genital Epidemiologists

from Atlanta.

Very VIP. OK? Go to town.

Listen, Muff. I'm just

going to walk around.

I'll get a few shots

and you can have them.

Non, non, impossible!

Oui, oui. I'm breaking in

my new assistant here.

We're chowing down.

So you take the shots.

You place them anywhere you want.

You're the best, baby.

Hey!

You don't see me standing here?!

Prick.

See that guy over there?

Hello.

We got quail at 2 o'clock.

No, I'm full, Les.

I can't eat another bite.

Chicks, you bonehead.

Just keep smiling.

We're going to go over there.

We're celebrating.

Maybe we see them, maybe we don't.

It's Les, right?

Is it Les?

- It's more.

- Les is more. Les is more!

No. Listen, you've seen my show.

You're the guy

on Farts Aflame, right?

So, you're a soap star, right?

Hell no.

I'm a casting director.

I cast this entire thing.

I cast Hearts Aflame.

You're a casting director. Wow.

I thought you were an actress.

Why'd you think I was an actress?

You're really beautiful.

You're an actor.

You're an actor, right?

Yeah.

I'm an actor.

- What have you been in?

- I've been in like a few things.

He didn't say dame. Royce,

did you say 'Dane' or 'dame'?!

Is that a real chin?

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- You're cute when you smile.

- So are you.

I'm going to give you my card.

And you can call me.

- Yeah, I'm going to call you.

- Yeah?

Yeah.

- Thanks.

- Maybe I can get you into something.

Okay. we got to go. Alright?

Adios, ladies, Royce. Offweederzain.

- Come on, have a drink.

- Let's go.

Hey. We're working.

Right? Come on. Let's go.

Sorry. Alright. See you.

What's going on?

I was having a good time.

Come on, they were

too old for us, man.

I can't handle that.

It's too depressing.

Did you see how drunk they were?

We're losing our focus.

Okay? That's what we came for.

Alright? Get two.

Hey, how're you doing, man?

Good. How'd it go?

Oh, it was lots of fun.

Listen, our dates are in the car.

The gift bags are limited

to one per guest, sir.

I just told you our dates are in

the car. Did you hear what I said?

Sir, you have three.

Fine. I'll take two. Okay?

I thought this was a benefit, You

guys should get your story straight.

Go! Go!

Oh my God!

Look at all this great stuff.

T-shirts, keychains,

sunglasses...

Hey, you mind if I take yours?

You going to use these?

No. Yeah, you could keep them.

I'm going to put

these T-shirts away.

Yeah, give them to your friends.

Yeah, right.

What, you don't have any friends?

I got friends.

I got f***in' Ricco

calling me every 10 minutes,

wasting my time on some bullshit.

That's a friend, right?

You know what

I learned about friends?

A friend is somebody

who's just sitting around

waiting for a chance

to start talking about himself.

I had some friends back in Phillie.

There's a shithole for you.

It is kind of a shithole.

- But I had some good friends...

- Me, I'm more of a listener.

Okay? Hey, you know

who's a great guy?

- Who?

- De Niro.

Yeah!

Do you know him?

He came up to me once

and he shook my hand.

He said, "How you doing?"

He shook your hand?

Yeah. And the funny thing is

when I was talking to him

I felt like we had a lot in common,

like I could hang out with him.

You should call him, man.

Yeah. I could give him

a call and say,

"Hey, Bob, you want

to go get a beer?"

See what I'm saying?

I build a relationship with him.

Me and him get going good

and then I bring you along.

You'd bring me along?

Hell, yes. why not?

I don't know. It's De Niro.

Hey, you got to relax. Okay?

They're just people.

No different from you and me.

Equal. You're equal, I'm equal,

the Beef is equal, De Niro...

Alright? It's all how

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