Delirious Page #4

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you think about yourself.

Alright? You got

to start thinking big.

Shot heard 'round the world.

You bet your ass!

Hey, yo Beef!

Galantine Photo. Can I help you?

It's Goldie Hawn.

She wants to sit on your face.

Hey, who wants more coffee?

You want some more coffee?

Cheeks, can we got some more coffee

over here, please? My treat.

- Your treat.

- So where'd you get the tip?

Come on, Tish, you know

I can't reveal sources.

Look at that, a full quarter page.

Could've been bigger.

Cheeks, take it easy.

Alright?

- Watch the papers, please.

- I got it covered.

What, are you paying this guy?

Of course I'm paying him.

Are you two living together?

No, it's more like

a socio-professional type thing.

I'll come over then. we could play

some cards. we could hang out.

We don't have any cards.

I've got like 5 decks of cards.

I can bring them all over.

We could play rummy.

That's a great game.

Galantine Photo.

Can I help you?

Let me see if he's available.

- It's Trudy weiss.

- Trudy weiss!

Let me have it.

Hey, Trudy, hi.

Did you see the photo?

Yeah, I'm quite pleased.

Listen, hold on.

About the event on the 15 th.

Yeah. Can it be All Access?

Alright, see what you can do.

Just get back to us, okay?

Alright. Thanks, Trud. Bye.

Where were we?

Oh, yeah, the photo.

Look at that.

He was looking right at me.

The Beef!

You know Les, you didn't have

to call it an 'Event'.

I mean, we're all going

to the Music Awards.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know anybody

was listening to my phone call.

Oh, Les, I forgot to tell you.

Feldman placed two

from the "Twilight" party.

So? What're you telling me for?

Oh no, I'm just saying,

Newsweek and Us.

- You're kidding?

- I'm not kidding.

- That's awesome!

- Good to see you guys.

See what I mean about Ricco?

Always blabbing about himself.

I'd never play cards with him.

F*** him.

F*** Feldman.

- Got the papers?

- Yeah, I got them.

So, do they know I'm coming?

Yes, I told them all about you.

Come on, this is going to be fun.

Alright.

Mrs. Gehry!

You're looking good!

Hi.

The sun's great.

Ma! We're here!

I hope you're hungry,

'cause my mom is a great cook.

Wow, Mrs. Galantine,

this looks great.

- Did you step in something?

- What?

Check your shoes, both of you.

- They're clean, Ma.

- Well, I smell sh*t.

Really?

- Yeah, me too.

- Oh, that's funny.

- Where's Dad?

- In the front room. Take these in.

And wash your hands first.

- I just did.

- Well, wash them again. Him too.

He carried in those papers. why

did you bring them in the house for?

Oh, those?

I got a little surprise

for you, Ma.

That paper is filthy.

Now take that in.

It's good to see you, Dad.

How're you doing? Everything OK?

Oh yeah. All good.

You?

Yeah, good.

See all these guns?

My Dad collects them

and restores them.

It's so cool.

Let me show you something.

This one is my favorite.

Press this, right.

It shoots out a bullet.

That's awesome.

Anybody want a cigarette?

Here.

That's great, Dad. who made

this again? The Germans?

The Russians.

The Chinese made one out

of a feminine napkin.

I don't want to hear about it.

Where's that camera I gave you?

I've still got it.

What, are you kidding me?

That's a collector's item. Right?

Your friend there needs

a patch on his pants.

Come on, Dad. He's just starting

out. Toby's my assistant.

Thing's are picking up for me

now so I hired some extra help.

I got a picture

placed in the paper.

It's right here.

Let me show you.

Well, who is that?

Come on, Dad.

What, you going blind?

That's your man, Chuck Sirloin.

- That's The Beef?

- Yeah, the Beef. Look at that,

a full quarter page.

What's that sticking

out of his pants?

He had a little operation

on his thing.

I don't want to hear about it.

It's no big deal, Ma.

A little procedure and...

Well, what did you

take his picture for?

Poor guy. Jesus.

- That's The Beef.

- Oh, please.

It's totally legal, Dad. I mean,

he was on a public sidewalk.

And yeah, it's the Beef.

That's how you get

a picture in the paper.

You know, somebody famous.

Disgusting. You never see this

kind of crap in a real newspaper.

Jesus.

Well, a lot of people do read this

paper. Okay? It's very popular.

And I'm a licensed professional

and this is photojournalism.

It's a candid shot

and I got paid

a lot of money for it.

How much?

You want to know how much?

I got 700 bucks.

He's a millionaire.

Well, I got his picture

in the paper, didn't I!

Well, get it out of here. I don't

want the f***in' thing in the house!

Come on, Dad. I was going

to frame it for you.

Frame it?! Goddamn it.

- I'll frame this crap. Jesus Christ!

- Come on.

I told you once,

I told you twice. Trash!

I'll tell you where I'm going to

frame it, right in the garbage can.

Carl! Wash your hands!

I told you not to bring

that stuff in this house!

Thanks for your help. Ma.

Why don't you get

a real job for a change?

- This is my job. That's what I do.

- That's some job.

You're making a lot of money.

Is this kid gay?

What do you care?!

Don't talk to your mother like that.

You hear me?

Take it easy, Carl.

Just take it easy.

- What do you mean, take it easy?

- Take it easy.

I'm not gay.

You're not gay?

- Who's gay?

- I asked if he was gay.

I'll tell you who's gay. You know

who's gay? Chuck Sirloin.

Oh, that'll be the day.

You're going to talk about

The Beef again are you?!

You know where

you'll find it, won't you?!

- Out in the garbage can!

- Alright! Leave it alone!

The food was good.

I'm still searching

for my true love,

a boy who won't fade away.

I'm still searching

for my true love

so I won't have to say...

Looking. Yeah, that's better. "I'm

still looking for my true love."

Okay.

Hello? Hey. Baby,

a couple of things.

Goddamnit! Can you not you see

that I'm working right now?!

I mean, do you have any respect

for the creative process?!

Yes, but...

I am so sorry.

This just came up.

Vanity Fair needs

Just two little hours.

Okay fine. Fine. Then

I won't finish this song.

Cancel the Music Awards. I'm not

going because I don't have a song.

Oh my God.

Please don't say that.

You know, I was going

to get a pedicure tomorrow.

I know. I am so sorry.

And there are going to be serious,

serious changes made around here.

We can make the shoot as late

as you want tomorrow. 2 o'clock.

Five.

Yay! Okay. Thank you.

Thank you so much.

It's going to be worth it.

I'm sorry, you guys.

I didn't mean to bug out on you.

Sweetheart, you've got

so much going on.

We don't know how you do it.

No. I know.

I love you. I really do.

We love you too.

You hitting the sack?

What does it look like?

I think I'm going to take a walk.

Go ahead.

Unless you want to do something.

Les.

Hey, why don't we call De Niro?

Are you out of your f***ing mind?!

I'm sorry. I thought

you had his number.

I got his number.

What am I going to say to him,

"Hey, Bob, let's get together,

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