Demoted Page #3

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Not you two.

Right here,

this is an honest,

genuine laugh.

( laughing loudly )

Hey, hey, hey,

what are you doing?

What does it look like I'm doing?

I'm packing up my sh*t.

Yeah, don't you think

we should talk about this?

There's nothing to talk about.

Demoted to secretaries? F*** that.

We're out of here.

I know exactly what you're thinking,

but don't worry.

Everything's gonna be fine.

We're gonna grab some breakfast,

charge up the old batteries,

hit the pavement,

and find some new jobs.

Everything will be hunky-dory.

Who wouldn't hire us?

I'm gonna be honest with you,

gentlemen--

your resumes aren't great.

It does look like you have some

decent sales experience here.

Is there someone I could call

over at Treadline,

maybe a reference

of some sort?

( Clears throat )

A reference?

Yeah, that's-- that's gonna be

a bit of a problem.

Our reference sort of died.

( Chuckles )

Yeah, it's a long story.

There was drinking

and strippers

and we might have

inadvertently killed him.

Rodney:
No criminal charges

have been filed of any kind.

- We're not sure.

- No, no.

- I'm pretty sure we're in the clear.

- Well, we're not totally sure,

so fingers crossed.

- Get the f*** out of here.

- Thank you.

Mike:

This sucks.

Rodney:
What if this is just temporary?

Maybe I can fix this.

A couple of days,

a week or two at the most--

bam!

We get our old jobs back.

What if you can't fix it?

What if we're stuck being secretaries?

Rodney:
Relax.

How bad can this be?

We start at 8:
00 a.m. sharp,

finish at 6:
00,

15-minute breaks

and half-hour lunches.

I hope that's not going

to be a problem.

Yeah, actually, we're more

on the 9:
00 to 5:00 schedule.

Farrell was cool with that.

Sometimes 10:
00 to 4:00,

depending on if we're hung over.

He's dead.

You're on my schedule now--

8:
00 a.m., no excuses.

And try to look

a little more professional.

I prefer comfort

to professional.

Maybe you prefer

my foot up your ass.

Let's motor on.

We're expected to keep this break room

neat and tidy at all times.

Yes, we're the little elves that wash

the dishes in that sink.

We're expected to keep

the donuts stocked

and the coffee fresh

every morning,

which is why we don't drink and eat

all the coffee and the donuts.

The secretaries have

their own break room.

Rodney:

Are you kidding?

Mike:
I don't think she's kidding.

Isn't this a storage closet?

Rodney:

There's no TV in here.

How are we supposed to watch

"Sports Center"?

- There's no donuts.

- No.

Donut-free zone.

We're all on diets.

Ugh. This is bad.

No donuts.

The phone system

is a nightmare.

The filing system's even worse.

Our computers are pieces of crap,

so, you know, deal with it.

Oh, and on Fridays,

all the girls like

to get together after work

for a book club.

At least that's what

we tell our husbands.

But...

( laughs )

we usually go to Bennigan's

for happy hour, though.

( Chuckles )

In case you're ever interested.

Oh, thanks,

but we actually have

- our own happy hour spot we go to.

- Oh.

Yeah, one that has

half-naked women

swinging around on poles,

which is awesome.

Well, not just on poles.

They kind of get on all fours and--

If you're into

that sort of thing,

which we're not,

so we only go for the buffet.

Oh, I'm sure.

Well, I think it's time for you

to meet your new bosses.

Well, you know as well as I do,

anything that's gonna boost production

is gonna make me

happy as a clam.

You got it, Chuck.

( Knocks )

Yeah, hey, let me call you back

in a little bit, you old son of a b*tch.

All right.

Mr. Frank, I'd like to introduce you

to Rodney McAdams,

your new secretary.

Uh, no, thanks, sweetheart.

Tell Kenny that the manufacturing

department

would like someone

who's just a little bit more

perky on top,

if you know what I mean.

Well, I do, Mr. Frank.

I know exactly what you mean.

Yee-haw.

But unfortunately,

Mr. Castro has asked

that Rodney be assigned to you,

so happy trails.

Well, have a seat, Nancy.

Actually, it's Rodney, sir.

Yeah, whatever.

A male secretary, huh?

Sh*t, you might as well

just have your balls cut off.

Oh, yeah.

Can I help you?

Hey, sister. Wrong office.

I've already been assigned to this guy.

Excuse me?

This guy's covered, all set.

You'd better go find yourself

another boss.

Would you grab me a cup of coffee

while you're out there,

while I'm waiting around

for this a-hole?

Oh, good.

You're both here.

Mike Murphy, meet Elizabeth Holland--

your new boss.

By the way, this a-hole

likes her coffee black, no sugar.

- ( Yelps )

- ( chuckles )

Thanks.

So who did you get?

Some outside accountant corporate's

brought in to audit the books.

That's what you got to do.

Dude, what the f***?

- Hey, Castro.

- Rodney:
Hey, hey, hey.

- Hey, Castro. Are you guys kidding?

- Oh, whoopsy-doopsy.

Sorry, guys,

I'm afraid there's no more room.

- What's going on?

- No, no, no, Castro.

We always sit here, okay?

Everybody knows this is our table.

Oh, yeah? Is that right?

Well, guess what. Not any more,

'cause maybe I'd like to sit here

once in a while.

You know, why don't you

go sit with the secretaries--

you know, where you belong?

( Chuckles )

Go on.

You'll fit right in.

Oh, one other thing:

I'm gonna have to ask you to turn in

your softball uniforms.

- You're gonna kick us off the team?

- Yeah.

What, is everybody on board

with this?

How about you, Kline?

What did he offer you

to stab us in the back--

a pay raise,

your own private parking spot?

A parking--

yeah, a parking spot

What about you, O'Donnell?

What did you get?

Oh, wait, let me guess-

a hand job?

Look,

Kline and O'Donnell

are smart men.

They know who signs

the paychecks.

Yeah? And they sure as sh*t

don't want to end up like you two.

And I don't think

they're alone.

See, certain people around here

have had to put up with you clowns

'cause they had to,

'cause you were Farrell's

golden boys.

Well, guess what.

That old f***er's dead.

That makes you

just my b*tches.

You cannot turn this entire company

against us, Castro.

Oh, yeah? Well, I can

sure as hell try, McAdams.

Now why don't you two beat it

before I have you restocking

the tampon machines?

( laughing )

Whoa! Ta-dah!

Hey, Kline.

Yeah, bye-bye.

- Toodle-00.

- Enjoy the Salisbury steak.

Don't let it hit you on the ass

when the door--

I mean, if you're going out.

Hey, ladies.

How's it going?

Our table's a bit crowded today.

Do you mind if we join you?

Oh, I'm saving these

for somebody.

You boys don't want

to sit here anyway.

All we do is talk

about makeup and diets.

We'd probably bore

the hell out of you.

Don't cry.

They should cry.

Now they get to see

what it feels like.

They did the same thing

to everybody else,

and now they get a taste

of their own medicine.

Mike:

This blows.

It's not great.

J' You'd never met me,

not seen me before J'

J' But you knew all about me

when I walked through the door J'

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