Dennis the Menace

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Hey, Mr. Wilson!

Mr. Wilson.

Mr. Wilson?

Mr. Wilson?

Poor old Mr. Wilson must be so sick.

No wonder he ain't up.

Wow!

His heart sounds like

our washing machine!

Oh, no.

He's growing extra skin.

His tongue's very ugly...

and blue and spotty.

Cool!

He feels warm.

He has a temperature.

I know what you need.

You need an aspirin.

Don't you ever come back!

Do you hear me?

Never!

Starting part time will give you a chance

to ease back into it.

I mean, managing shopping malls

can't be much more difficult...

than managing Dennis.

Where have you been?

Dennis?

Dennis?

I was at Mr. Wilson's house.

And, boy, is he sick.

He's got a fever, and he's burning up.

I better call Martha.

You didn't bother him, did you?

No, but I gave him an aspirin.

And he don't like them any better than me.

You shouldn't visit people

so early in the morning.

That's the only time I know for sure

they'll be home.

Hello, George. Alice Mitchell.

Are you feeling all right?

Dennis said that you...

Feeling all right!

Your son just shot an aspirin

down my throat with a slingshot!

I'm very sorry.

You better talk to him!

We'll talk to him.

When I was a child,

none of this would have been tolerated!

'Bye. 'Bye.

Hi.

Did you shoot an aspirin

into Mr. Wilson's mouth?

I didn't want him to bite off my fingers

with his big, fake teeth.

Those things are sharp!

George said Dennis shot an aspirin

into his mouth with a slingshot.

What slingshot?

- Do you have a slingshot?

- I'm not sure.

Give it to me.

Mr. Wilson is very angry with you.

I thought he was sick.

I was only trying to help.

You go sit in the corner

and think about what you've done.

- For how long?

- Until you're sorry.

Oh, good. I'm sorry now.

He can't sit in the corner.

I have to take him

to Margaret Wade's house.

Margaret's house!

I didn't do anything bad enough

to deserve to go to her house.

She's a lunatic. I'll go crazy.

She tortures me.

She's mean. She's ugly. She doesn't share!

I arranged with Mrs. Wade for you

to go to their house while I work.

Are you serious?

You can't spend the summer

unsupervised. You're out of school.

I'll go back.

Your mother made arrangements.

That's it! I don't want any arguments.

My life is falling apart.

Hello, George.

Let me take that off your hands. Sorry.

I'm...

I'm sorry about this morning.

I won't mince words, Mitchell.

Your kid is driving me nuts.

- I'll talk to him again.

- Maybe it isn't talk that he needs.

When my dad had something important

to tell me, he told me with his belt.

That's not how I deal with my son,

Mr. Wilson.

However you deal with him...

he hasn't learned you don't shoot

an aspirin down a fellow's throat!

- Mr. Wilson, he's five.

- When I was five, I had some respect.

You were probably an exceptional boy.

In 1925, I was not the exception,

I was the rule.

I'll make sure

Dennis doesn't come by anymore.

Careful how you say it.

I don't want everybody to think

I'm a child-hater or an ogre.

I'm a reasonable man

who expects reasonable treatment...

from his neighbors and their children.

I was with the post office

for more than 43 years, and never once...

I'm running a little late.

I'll come by after work

and we can continue the conversation.

There's nothing to continue.

I've said my piece. We'll leave it at that.

The boy cannot come over here

unless he behaves himself.

He won't be over at all.

Now don't make me out to be a grump.

I didn't say "never." I said...

I really have to go.

Well, now, don't...

Have a good day.

He's out of school now.

He can't spend all his free time here.

I'm not the bad guy in this, Mitchell.

I'm the victim!

George, who were you shouting at?

Mitchell, and I wasn't shouting.

I was making my point.

It's not right that his youngster

can run wild doing as he pleases...

without regard to people or property.

He's only a boy, George.

He'll knot my rope once too often.

I can't stand that kid! He's a menace!

You'd better come in and have breakfast.

We're due at the Garden Club at 9:00.

Today is an important day for me, and

I'm already in a lather because of that kid.

I don't know if I'll even be able

to enjoy my moment of triumph.

Don't get your hopes up.

There are lots of other gardens in town

just as nice as yours.

Please! I'm a shoe-in.

Who else has a night-blooming

mock orchid flowering this year?

It's an awfully homely looking plant.

Hang the looks of the thing!

It opens before your eyes

in the light of the full moon.

It's a marvel, Martha.

Forty years to mature and blossom.

The flower opens and withers

in a matter of moments.

There isn't a gardener in town

with a plant that requires...

a 40-year investment

for 10 seconds of splendor.

How do you feel about me working?

A lot of moms work.

The best I could do finding someone

to watch you is Mrs. Wade.

What about Joey?

Did you think about him?

What if he comes over?

He'll think I moved.

Joey's mother made plans

with Mrs. Wade just like I did.

Joey's at Margaret's house.

Do it!

- I can make you.

- How?

I'll slug you back.

- You can't hit a girl.

- I can too.

Try it. I'll scream

so awfully, bloody, deadly horrible...

my mom'll think you tried to murder me.

I'll say you did and she'll believe it.

Because boys are like that and girls aren't.

That really stinks.

Quit wasting time.

Mush your lips together

and let's get this over with.

Close your eyes!

Kiss me.

All right. Let's go.

Dennis, come on.

Oh, gosh.

Acting like a baby.

Get up!

Right this instant!

Don't you dare embarrass me!

Fine, I'll drag you inside.

You guys are the boring ones.

There's lots to do.

Oh, really? Like what?

We could practice singing songs.

Or put on a play...

or a puppet show.

- We could bury you alive.

- I could pound your face.

It doesn't matter, anyways, Margaret.

We'll be leaving soon

and we have work to do.

We're going to make a fort.

You can't leave unless I go with you,

or I'll tell on you.

So, tough kitty paws, I'm going.

Climb down from there. I'll get my purse.

This thing's been here our whole life

and we never knew it.

- Do you think anybody lives in it?

- Just squirrels and birds.

It looks kind of junky.

We'll fix it up.

Good. I'll be the decorator.

We'll put on a special room for the babies

and a powder room for guests.

Forts don't have powder rooms.

Really?

Where do the soldiers' wives go

to freshen up?

Soldiers don't have wives, stupid.

Don't call me stupid, baby rump kisser!

It won't be a fort. It'll be a house.

A love nest.

Let's go up and see

what color carpet we should get.

Do forts got carpet?

Nope.

Forts don't got carpet!

They do now, hot lips!

The Selection Committee has informed...

Mrs. Butterwell and I...

that this summer's Floraganza

will be held in the garden of...

Can you read this here?

You take these and I'll take those.

There we go. The garden of...

George Wilson!

One Mississippi,

two Mississippi, three Mississippi...

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