Dennis the Menace Page #2

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four Mississippi, five Mississippi.

Six Mississippi...

seven Mississippi, eight Mississippi,

nine Mississippi.

Gunther, are you watching

where everybody goes?

Yep.

Girls. Now...

Let's go!

You know,

I was unbeatable at hide-and-seek.

Hiding or seeking?

Both. I had a nose for hiding places.

I wouldn't think you'd be much good

at hiding.

Why not?

Weren't you a fat boy?

I was husky.

Ready or not, here I come!

I see Joey and Mike!

Run, Mikey!

He's cheating.

What are you doing?

Dennis is cheating.

He's using the Beckman kid as a spy.

Leave them alone, George.

I'll even things up.

Gunther, I'm just talking to your daddy

on the telephone.

He's going to the ice-cream store.

He wants to take you with him.

Hurry up and go home!

Now it's fair.

You lied to a toddler, George.

Think how disappointed he will be

when he gets home.

He better get used to it. Disappointment

will be a big part of his life.

He's a foot short for his age.

And he's cross-eyed.

Ain't that a pretty sight?

I bet they don't even lock their doors.

You won't notice a toy store

on the first level...

but my suggestion is this:

Give the toy store six months free rent

to move up to the third level.

When I go to the mall with my little boy,

we always visit the toy store.

He knows he won't get anything unless

it's a special occasion, but like every kid...

he wants to look around...

Could you spare us the family anecdotes?

There's always a lot of traffic in toy stores.

If people have to go up to the third level

to visit the toy store...

then they have to go through

two other levels to get there.

That's apparent to anyone with children.

And you have to assume

that potential tenants...

might have kids and would know that...

and it might entice them

to take up space in the other levels.

That's all I'm saying.

We could have carried up

a lot more stuff...

if you didn't have to bring that idiotic doll

and all her junk!

She's not idiotic!

She's an important training tool.

You know why men are so lousy

when it comes to taking care of babies?

They have better things to do.

Like what? Play golf and drink beer?

No, like hunting, having wars, driving cars,

shaving, cleaning fish.

Do you know how to do that?

Me?

Margaret.

Oh, okay.

If you didn't have women,

you wouldn't have babies...

and you wouldn't have people.

If you didn't have men,

who'd drive the ladies to the hospital?

Most important, they marry the women,

then the women can go and get the baby.

The baby is in her stomach!

She has to get it installed. Her stomach

isn't just filled up with babies.

- Who installs them?

- A minister and a doctor.

- How?

- How?

She wants to know how?

Tell me, Dennis, how?

The bellybutton. It opens up.

- How come men have them?

- So they don't look weird in bathing suits.

Okay, on the count of three...

move your hand.

One.

Two.

Three!

Okay, this time on the count of four.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four!

Joey, you hold the hammer and,

Margaret, you hold the nail.

We did a pretty good job.

- How about a little paint?

- Couldn't hurt.

- You got any?

- My dad does.

- Give me my doll, you jerk!

- I don't have it!

- Give it to me! Dennis!

- I didn't take your doll.

It's not here. Somebody took it.

We've been with you.

Do you guys swear you didn't take it?

Yep.

I've been robbed!

You don't understand.

Baby Louise is a very expensive antique.

Nobody robbed your doll.

- Maybe a bear ate it.

- What?

Yeah, there's no robbers in our town.

What are you eating there, sport?

A apple.

Hi, Mr. Mitchell.

Hello, Polly. Come on in.

- What's the helmet for?

- My girlfriend used to baby-sit for Dennis.

She said to bring a helmet and wear pants.

I'm looking for Polly.

You're Mickey?

Yeah.

She's up in my mom's bathroom

using the armpit perfume.

She says you're such a stud,

she gets nervous and sweats a lot.

Cool.

Come on in.

Tastes funny.

Tastes like paint.

And wood.

I'll make us some sandwiches.

"'Do not cry, little locomotive,'...

"said old Engine Number 99 to Huffy.

"'One day when you grow up,

you will realize...

"'that all trains are impotent, important...

"'even little mail trains."'

How can a train grow?

He eats all his coal

and gets plenty of sleep.

No, what's the point of reading lies?

It teaches kids to eat all their food...

and go to bed when they're supposed to.

And not cry when mean cabooses

and boxcars make fun of them.

This is so stupid.

Are you ready to get out of here

and go to bed, yet?

I'm not even wrinkled up yet.

Keep reading.

"'I will never be big enough

to pull anything but silly old mail cars,'...

"sobbed Huffy.

"Sob...

"Sobbobed Huffy."

Where are you going?

I'm going to investigate Mitchell's garage.

Dennis has been fooling around with paint.

I know it, and I will prove it.

Aren't you taking this a bit far, George?

He's only a boy.

Kids!

G.D. Wading pool!

That's it!

Gee, I guess those kids took off.

I got him this time.

Mitchell can't deny it.

Sorry. Good night.

He's only a boy, huh?

Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

Is Mr. Wilson up yet?

Not yet, dear.

How long do you think he's going to sleep?

Not too much longer.

He's having his picture taken this morning.

- For what?

- He's being honored for his garden.

Do you think he would get mad

if I went upstairs?

What do you want to go upstairs for?

I made an "I'm Sorry I Shot Paint

on Your Chicken" card.

That's very nice, Dennis.

I'm kind of busy today,

so I won't have a chance to give it to him.

I have to go to Margaret's house...

because we're getting poor,

and my mom's got a job now.

Could I leave it by his whisker cutter?

That's where I leave

my dad's "Sorry" cards.

And it's a good time to say you're sorry.

Grownup guys are happy in the morning

when they wake up.

My dad's so happy...

he whistles when he goes

to the bathroom.

The only time he isn't happy

is on Sunday morning...

when he and my mom wrestle.

They like to be alone when they do that.

I think it's because they take off

their shirts.

Then they start to make funny noises...

You can go up...

as long as you promise

not to disturb Mr. Wilson.

I promise.

You know what, Mrs. Wilson?

What?

You're the nicest old gal on the block.

Hello.

My name is Dennis Mitchell.

I'm the doctor. Open up and say...

Hello.

Mr. Wilson.

George? Are you ready?

The photographer's here.

I got a 9:
30, ma'am.

He'll be out any second.

Sorry.

George?

That looks fine, Martha. Leave it alone.

Martha, step back. You're in the picture.

Very good.

Now...

smile.

Hey, you.

Yeah, you. Come here.

I haven't seen you around here before.

Maybe because

I've never been around here.

What are you up to?

What's it to you?

Now, look.

I run a nice, clean town here

and I don't want any trouble.

My advice to you

is just follow the sun out of here.

Only reason I ain't moving on because

you stopped to give me the breeze.

You have to go to two other levels

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