Dennis the Menace Page #3

---

to get there and...

Can I call you back?

Hi, Mom.

Good morning.

I hear you're trying to beg off

the Oklahoma City trip.

I asked that it be rescheduled.

Have a Cub Scout meeting or something?

My husband has a trip

that was scheduled before mine.

If you two are traveling at the same time,

no one can watch your kid.

Is that the problem?

- It's not a problem, per se.

- Oh, good.

Because if you want to blow off your trip,

I have to cover for you.

And I have plans I can't break.

I don't have kids but...

I do have a life.

I'm sorry.

I just won't be able to help you.

God.

- Okay.

- Who do we call first?

Let's start with the A's.

Vicki?

- You call.

- No, you call.

Hello.

Hi. This is Mrs. Mitchell.

Hi. Alice Mitchell.

Hi. Alice Mitchell.

No.

This is Henry Mitchell.

This is Henry Mitchell.

You call.

Hey, Mr. Wilson. I'm sleeping at your joint.

- I brought you some grasshoppers.

- You shouldn't have.

I'll take them, dear.

Thank you so much, Martha. George.

It's our pleasure.

- You saved our lives.

- Save two, lose one.

I'll call you just as soon as I arrive.

- Do you have our number?

- Don't worry about a thing.

I brought my own pillow

so I don't get my spit on yours.

Thank you, dear.

Be a good boy, okay?

Mind your manners

and listen to Mr. And Mrs. Wilson.

- Thanks again.

- Thank you.

Honey?

Bye-bye.

Bring me something good.

'Bye, sweetheart.

'Bye, Dennis.

George, take Dennis' suitcase

up to the guest room, please.

- He's got arms.

- Don't start, dear.

You know why I'm not crying?

Because if I can't be with my parents...

the person I want to be with is you.

I can't tell you how deeply moved I am.

Don't do that, please.

What?

The cord.

Stop that tapping.

There's not a lot to do around the house

when it's raining out.

- Do you wanna play cards?

- No.

Want to put on your old Navy suit

and play war?

- Is that pirates' gold?

- No.

Is it real valuable?

Yes.

Is that why you keep it in your safe?

Uh-huh.

How come your safe looks like books?

How come you ask so many questions?

I've only been around for five years.

There's a lot of stuff I don't know.

The safe looks like books...

so if a thief does come in,

he won't recognize it.

- Is a thief a robber?

- Yes.

- Have you ever had a robber here?

- No.

What's the combination to your lock?

You're the last person in the world

I'd tell that to.

You've got it wrote down someplace?

It's in my head.

- What's that mean?

- It means I know it. I remember it.

- What if you forget it?

- I won't forget it. It's a familiar number.

I won't forget it.

What's that mean?

It means it's a number

that I use all the time, so I won't forget it.

I use it all the time.

- I bet I know what it is.

- I doubt that.

I bet it's your address.

Know how I know?

My friend has a bike lock...

and he uses his address

for the combination so he won't forget.

- You're just as smart as him.

- He.

You got everything figured out, don't you?

I haven't figured out

how to get my work done...

with you in the house.

That's a tough one.

Are you wrinkled enough yet, Dennis?

- Yep.

- Want me to come help you out of the tub?

Not unless you want to see

what the stork saw.

Cool!

Old Faithful.

- How old is this bed?

- It belonged to my mother.

What's she sleeping on?

She's been gone for many years, Dennis.

- On business?

- No.

She's in heaven.

There's an awful lot of people in heaven.

Especially old people.

How about if I recite my favorite poem

when I was your age?

- Is it about flowers and lambs?

- No.

Okay.

"Wynken, Blynken, and Nod one night

"Sailed off in a wooden shoe

"Sailed on a river of crystal light

"Into a sea of dew

"'Where are you going

and what do you wish? '

"The old moon asked the three

"'We have come to fish for the herring fish

That live in the beautiful sea

"'Nets of silver and gold have we! '

"Said Wynken, Blynken, and Nod

"Wynken and Blynken are two little eyes

"And Nod is a little head

"And the wooden shoe

that sailed the skies

"Is a wee one's trundle bed

"Now shut your eyes while Mother sings

"Of wonderful sights that be

"And you shall see the beautiful things

"As you rock in the misty sea

"Where the old shoe

rocked the fishermen three

"Wynken

"Blynken

"and Nod"

New pajamas. God bless 'em.

Poor thing.

I wish he'd get that hernia fixed.

George, are you sleeping?

I was until you started yakking.

I'm sorry.

Was Dennis in our bathroom?

Yes.

I think the little rat

put mouthwash in my nasal spray...

and toilet cleanser in my mouthwash.

Why would he do something like that?

Must you ask?

Quiet!

I recited a poem for Dennis tonight...

that my mother used to recite to me.

I remembered every word.

In some tiny measure...

my mother would be proud

I passed something on.

It's 10:
00, Martha.

Don't start with the regrets.

I would have been a good mother.

And I would have made a swell fireman.

- Where are you going?

- To make myself a cup of tea.

I didn't decree

that we wouldn't have children.

That was out of both our hands.

This isn't about having children

or not having children.

You miss the point.

It's about...

my feeling something very good...

and not being able to tell you about it.

Martha?

I didn't mean to hurt you.

I'm not terribly good

with feelings and emotions.

There are a lot of subjects

I'd just as soon not bring up or discuss.

I would have liked a son or a daughter.

You couldn't fire the fatherly feelings

in me...

because they're not there.

But that doesn't mean my feelings for you

have gone cold.

That'll never happen.

You've got all the love I have.

Remember this?

Je t'aime. Je t'adore. Ma petite chrie.

George.

Get out of here!

What are you looking for now?

Garden lanterns.

You must be pretty brave to ride

on a tiger in your underpants.

Put that away. That's not for kids!

Martha.

Where are the G.D. Garden lanterns?

I think I better go outside and play.

Hello.

Hello, Martha.

It's Alice.

I'm still in Oklahoma.

Oh, dear.

Yes, there's a terrible storm.

My flight's been cancelled.

Till the weather clears,

I don't know what's going to happen.

I know your garden party's tonight.

I feel terrible.

I don't know what to do.

Don't worry about it.

You get home when you can.

We'll be just fine here.

What's George going to say?

Over my dead body!

This is my crowning moment of retired life

and I won't throw it away like the trash...

for a ninny who can't get her keister

to the airport on time.

George Wilson,

you have no right to insult Alice.

She can't help the weather,

any more than you or I.

It's just plain bad luck.

It's no one's fault.

A tragedy of this magnitude

has to be somebody's fault.

It isn't a tragedy.

A little boy's going to join us for a party.

If you want to forsake your neighbors

when they need help, do it alone.

Why is it, when everyone else

feasts on the pleasures of life...

I get the indigestion?

Because you're an old grump.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote