Deranged Page #3

Big ol' arms,

flesh just hanging down.

I like that.

The legs, too. Big and round

like big ol' drumsticks.

She's got a cute little belly.

Cute as can be.

Of course, I'd hate

to get stuck in all of that fat.

Might not be able to get out.

So naturally, I'll take

some protection along just in case.

You know the only thing

that bothers me?

I don't think she's, er...

you know, er...

all there in the upstairs.

Know what I mean?

Herbert wants to talk to me tonight.

I can feel it.

All we have to do...

is concentrate.

Can you concentrate, Ez?

Yes'm.

Close your eyes, then,

and concentrate.

Herbert.

Herbert.

Herbert, enter me.

Oh, enter me,

Herbert, enter me.

Enter me! Enter me! Oh!

Oh, yes.

Oh, Herbert, I hear you.

Yes. Can you hear me?

You can? Oh, good.

Then listen, Herbert.

I have a new friend here tonight.

His name is Ezra Cobb,

and he's...

he's very nice-looking, Herbert.

He's tall and straight and strong,

and he's...

he's the right age.

What, Herbert?

Oh! Oh...

Herbert,

I can't ask him that.

What? Ask him what?

Oh, Herbert, that is so sweet

and unselfish of you.

What does he want?

Oh, well, Ez...

He says he misses

the carnal aspect of our marriage.

Carnival?

Er, no, no. The...

You know, our sex life.

Well, yes, it was beautiful, Herbert.

What kind of...?

What favour does he want?

Oh, Ez, Herbert says...

he's going to talk to you...

himself.

Ezra...

Ezra Cobb?

Yeah... yes, sir?

Er... yes, ma'am?

Ezra, this is Herbert.

Will you do me a favour, Ezra?

If I... if I can, sir.

Make my wife...

a woman again.

H-how do you mean, sir?

She needs love, Ezra.

Physical love.

The kind I can no longer give her.

Oh, touch her, Ezra.

Feel how soft she is.

It's been so long.

Oh, come, Ezra.

Go with her.

Do her that favour.

Make love to her.

It's been so long.

She needs it, Ezra.

Ezra, she needs it!

She needs it, Ezra.

Come into the bedroom.

Oh, come. Oh, come.

Come on. Come...

Oh, yes, come.

Oh, yes, yes.

Make love to me, darling.

The wages of sin is gonorrhoea,

syphilis and death!

It's been so long, darling, so long.

You know what God done then,

don't you, boy?

Yes, Mama. The flood.

Take off your pants, darling.

Vermin.

There you are, darling.

There you are.

Scum.

Death!

Death!

Death!

Ezra... what's that?

Ezra?

'The death of Maureen Selby

did not seem to affect Ez unduly.

'He went on

as if nothing had happened,

'except for one thing.

'Now he began to seek

the companionship of women.

'He started in strange places,

none stranger than Goldie's Tavern.'

Her name was Mary Ransom.

She was 34 years old and,

if truth were told, a little over the hill.

But Ezra had never seen

a woman like her before.

Beautiful, promiscuous,

with a constant promise

of being available,

even, perhaps, to him.

Hi. What can I do for you tonight?

Just a... a glass of milk.

Well, this is a bar, babe,

not a nursery.

We don't serve milk here.

We serve hard liquor.

I... I don't drink.

Oh, I see.

You came in for the fresh air.

I came to see you.

Oh. Why don't you be a nice guy?

There's still a minimum, huh?

Order a drink.

All right, if you tell me

what kind to get.

Well, um,

how about a whisky sour?

It's got a cherry in it.

Er... you like 'em with cherries?

OK, then, that's one, er...

whisky sour.

That'll be 75.

This is for you.

Oh. Look, um...

Well, look, are you sure

you can afford this?

Well, thanks.

I'll just put it in here...

for safekeeping.

- What's your name?

- Mary.

Hey, how'd you like to tear off

a piece of that, eh?

Boy, if I had a chance,

I'd bang her brains out.

Look at that ass.

And look at them tits.

Both of them.

I've seen tits and I've seen tits

from Portugal to Yokohama.

And let me tell you,

those are tits with a capital "T".

Ah, if I wasn't an old man,

goddamn it,

I'd be into her pants so fast

it'd make your head swim.

That's the trouble. You get old.

Can't get it up anymore.

Just sit there looking at it

hanging limp as a turkey neck.

Oh, hell with it.

Life's a pain,

and God's a sadist.

Here she comes.

Here you go, babes.

Good evening, my dear.

Shove it.

Come on, try it,

tell me how you like it.

Yes'm. Real good.

Go on, now. Drink it up.

Mary, Mary

Mary

Mary?

Closing.

Be on your way.

Come on, let me help you up.

Come on.

Come on.

Alley-oop. Attaboy.

All right, this way.

I... never drink.

I'd never guess that, Ez.

OK, hold on.

All right.

And then up.

OK. OK, that's it.

Just a second.

Now, you need your hat on.

All right. Yeah, come on.

Mary, could I ask you something?

Mm-hmm. Yeah, sure.

I'll get that.

W-would you...

kiss me good night, please?

- Kiss me good night.

- Come here.

All right now? OK.

'Night after night,

Ezra stood watch at the bar,

'waiting for the opportunity

to be alone with Mary.

'Then, one night...'

Hello there.

- What seems to be the trouble?

- Oh, hello, Ez.

Some goddamn putz

slashed my goddamn tyres!

That's the trouble.

Can you believe it?

Oh, boy. They sure do a job

on 'em, don't they?

Yes, sir. You know,

kids are like that today.

Just as dirty as they can be.

Always doing dirty things

like that and carrying on.

Just plain dirty,

no other word for it.

Look, Ez, could you just give me a lift

down the filling station or something?

- Why, sure...

- OK, thanks a lot. I really appreciate it.

Sure, any little thing, Mary,

anything I can do.

Hey, hey. You just took a wrong turn.

That's the way to town.

Yes'm, it was.

Well, just turn around

and go back.

- How come?

- How come?

Because that's where I have to go,

that's how come.

Look, where do you think

you're going, anyway?

- My place.

- Oh, the hell you are!

Just... just turn this thing around

and stop this truck.

I was just going to get

a couple of spares I got.

I'll put 'em on your car

for nothing.

Now, why would you want

to go to a mechanic

when I'll go do it for nothing?

He'll charge you an arm and a leg

and I won't charge you nothing.

OK, but, er... look.

You're a nice guy,

and I like you,

but just er...

don't get any ideas.

Just keep your hands

to yourself, OK?

Yes'm. Cross my heart.

Would you like to come in?

How long do you plan to be?

Oh, just a minute or two.

I'll wait here.

Would you just hurry it up?

Yes'm.

Oh, Christ,

what a pain in the ass.

Come on.

Oh, sh*t.

Ezra?

Ez?

Hey, hey, look, Ezra,

I really gotta be going home. It's...

Ezra, are you down there?

Ezra?

Ezra?

Ez, is that you?

Oh!

Mary!

Mary!

Mary?

Mary.

Mary, are you awake now?

I'm sorry I had to lock you

in the closet, Mary.

I'm fixing the place up a bit.

Getting everybody ready

to meet you.

They're real happy.

They think you're a fine girl.

And they think you'll make me

a real fine wife.

Mary?

They want to meet you now.

I'm sorry I had to, you know,

take your clothes off...

but I... I didn't want you

to try and... run off.

Can you... Can you get up,

or do you want me to help you?

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