Designing Woman Page #2

- Including that "Gill-Sized Giant of-"

- Well, actually that phrase was my idea.

- I'm glad.

- I thought it was rather good.

- Where did we meet, anyway?

- Right over there at the bar.

Then I was at Mrs. Herrington's

when you came in with friends.

Yeah, Mrs. Herrington.

- Yes.

- Yeah. Who's Mrs. Herrington?

We began to laugh.

Three hours later, we were still laughing.

- How about dinner?

- I'm afraid not.

I'm on a 6:
00 plane to New York.

Thanks anyway, though.

Here, you earned it.

By helping me write the story.

- Now, let's not play that again.

- No, you saved my job.

Please.

Okay, we'll spend it.

That's the only way to settle things.

Every penny, take a couple of days doing it.

- If that isn't the silliest-

- After all, we worked hard.

- We're entitled to relaxation, both of us.

- I don't need relaxation.

- You work, don't you?

- Of course.

- We'll spend it together, have a reaI ball.

- I couldn't possibly.

Nobody knows how to live anymore.

We're too busy to enjoy ourselves.

You know where you are right now?

- Well, just offhand-

- California, the playground of the West.

It's all around us: The mountains,

the desert, Marineland, the Pacific Ocean.

- Don't forget the Pacific Ocean.

- I won't.

Tell me, have you ever sailed

in a small boat way out on the ocean...

...with the salt spray in your face

and the wind in your hair?

- No. Have you?

- Certainly not, do you think I'm crazy?

But I'd be willing to try.

- Come on.

- No, I couldn't. I couldn't possibly.

During the next four days,

we hardly made a dent in Mike's $700...

...because all we did was lie around

and yak it up.

- What's that?

- A sketch for a dress.

- That's what I do, design clothes.

- For a living?

Well, what do you know?

That's why I must get back to New York

tonight. That's why...

For heaven's sake,

do you realize I haven't packed yet?

I'm sorry.

- Please, Mike, I've really got to rush.

- Wait.

We have things to see:

Marineland, the porpoises.

We haven't seen them feed the porpoises.

Mike, it's out of the question.

I can't possibly. Come on.

Welcome to Marineland of the Pacific,

the world's largest oceanarium.

I can't remember who first brought up

the subject of love.

It certainly doesn't sound like me.

One minute I was experting

on the care and feeding of porpoises...

...and the next thing I knew,

we were talking about love. Its symptoms.

I eat like a fooI. When I'm in love, I mean.

My friends told me they couldn't swallow

a morseI, but I eat like a fooI.

With that boy from Yale,

some time ago, of course...

...I gained eight pounds.

And then there was a certain artist.

It was two years

before I got back to normaI.

I just eat and eat and eat.

Just a cup of cold consomm, please.

And maybe the tiniest bit of that pompano.

And a large lobster salad and...

Oh dear, you have trout.

- Will you have both?

- All right.

Then for dessert...

I felt the blush coming from my waist up.

Mike was staring at me.

But he knew it as well as I did.

I was in love with my character.

How about it?

- Mike?

- We're adults.

We know what we're doing.

I couldn't, Mike.

She did, though.

We were married that night, in Arizona.

Do you, Marilla, take MichaeI

to be your lawfully wedded husband...

...to love and to cherish...

After a honeymoon of exactly

20 and a half hours, we flew to New York...

...our arms locked the whole way.

Except for breakfast.

Marilla needed two hands for that.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's expected...

...we will land in New York

on scheduled time, which will be 9:10.

- One hour. Where do you live, anyway?

-74th Street.

We'll stop at my place first. It's closer.

Then we'll hop a cab and get your stuff.

- Cab? What about my furniture?

- Well, give it away.

Can't live in two places.

It was a wonderful trip.

But a few minutes out of New York,

a strange thing happened.

Marilla changed her clothes.

Sorry, madam, this seat is taken.

I may have to stop by the office.

My working clothes.

This was just the first

in a series of wardrobe changes...

...which never failed to amaze me.

Believe me, this kid changed her clothes

nine times a day.

We went to Mike's apartment first.

Just outside the door

he suddenly got embarrassed.

Maybe I bragged too much

about this place.

- It's not the Taj MahaI or anything.

- Let me see.

It's comfortable, that's what I'd say.

You'll love it.

Open up.

Take a look.

I took a look.

First thing I thought of

was my little brother's shoebox...

...in which he used to keep

all his possessions.

Old string and marbles

and bits of colored glass.

The prospect of taking up

permanent residence in the shoebox...

...was somewhat unnerving.

But I didn't want to hurt Mike's feelings.

He was so proud of everything.

Opening off the shoebox

was a door leading to another shoebox...

...which I assumed was the bedroom.

The apartment wasn't really

at its best that day.

Things seemed a little out of place.

One thing in particular.

What else could I say?

When it's cleaned up a little,

with new curtains and...

...the right kind of pictures...

...it'll be a reaI hellhole.

- We'll move tomorrow.

- Mike.

Just for tonight,

we'll stay at my place, all right?

Yeah.

I guess I never looked at this trap before.

Hello. Yeah, Ned, I'm back. The office.

I can't get down right now, I'm busy.

I've got a...

- That's all right, go ahead.

- What?

Look, I've been threatened before.

Don't worry about the-

All right, yeah.

Right away.

How do you like that?

I'm back in town 20 minutes.

That's all right.

I've got plenty to do here anyway.

- Mike?

- What?

- You're not in any trouble or anything?

- You mean that? No.

What's the matter?

It's just occurred to me.

I don't know you very well, do I?

But well enough.

Maybe.

How about this? Our first parting.

Sad.

I think I'll stay.

For the next hour or so,

I packed Mike's marbles and bits of glass...

...singing happily.

Until I came across a picture of a girl.

Well, I guess it was a girl.

She was certainly in an odd position.

I wasn't worried, of course.

Just interested.

I wanted to see

what a lady contortionist looked like.

Nothing.

All I knew was that she had straight teeth

and the kind of expansion...

...men seemed to favor.

I measured it mentally against my own,

came off a bad second...

...and tore her carefully into small pieces.

At the office, I was the target

of the usual ribbing and laughter...

...associated with holy matrimony.

Luke Coslow, the office boy,

came up with a real side-splitter.

Quiet.

Here you are, old man. Ready-made.

Saves time and trouble.

Bachelor days are gone forever now.

But I must say, my editor,

Ned Hammerstein, was very sentimental.

You're eight days late.

I'll take it off your vacation,

provided you get one.

Meanwhile, if you got nothing to do,

cover the fight next week.

Folks in town would like to know about it.

Speaking of fights, you've got a sweet one

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