Despicable Me 2 Page #11

EXT:
GRU’S HOUSE - SAME

Jillian and her artificially beautiful friend SHANNON stand

outside on Gru’s porch. Shannon texts on her phone, looking

bored.

JILLIAN:

I have my friend Shannon here with

me! I was thinking you two could

get some grub, you know, tear it

up! See what happens!

INT:
GRU’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

JILLIAN (O.S.)

Uhh, open up!

He sees Agnes walking by, singing softly and playing with her

unicorn. He whisper-shouts to her.

GRU:

Agnes! Agnes! Tell Jillian I’m

not here!

Agnes turns to the door.

AGNES:

Gru’s not here!

JILLIAN:

Are you sure?

AGNES:

Yes! He just told me!

Gru, panicking, shakes his head and wags his fingers.

AGNES (CONT’D)

I mean no, he didn’t just tell me!

JILLIAN:

(laughs)

Agnes--where is Gru?

Gru makes the “zip your lips” gesture.

AGNES:

He’s putting on lipstick!

Gru waves his arms.

AGNES (CONT’D)

He’s swatting at flies!

DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 62.

Gru waves his hand around his throat, making a “cut it off”

gesture.

AGNES (CONT’D)

He’s...chopping his head off!

Gru clenches his fists and grunts in frustration.

AGNES (CONT’D)

He’s...pooping?

Outside, Jillian and Shannon look confused.

JILLIAN (O.S.)

I know you’re in there, Gru!

There’s no way you’re getting out

of this!

Kyle enters the room, carrying the bag with the wig in his

mouth.

EXT:
RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Establishing.

INT:
RESTAURANT - SAME

Shannon sits at a table talking to Gru, who’s offscreen. A

waiter drops off a plate of spaghetti.

SHANNON:

I have to tell you, I was so

nervous about tonight. I mean

there’s just so many phonies out

there!

CUT TO Gru sitting across from her. Wearing a ridiculous WIG

from Floyd. And looking extremely uncomfortable.

GRU:

Yes, I hear you.

(awkwardly laughs)

SHANNON:

Oh, so do you work out?

GRU:

Well...

SHANNON:

I mean, obviously, you don’t, but

would you consider it? Huh?

(MORE)

DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 63.

SHANNON (CONT'D)

Physical fitness is very importantto Shannon. As you can tell,

right? Huh?

Shannon drops to the floor and starts doing push-ups.

GRU:

Ah. I can tell.

SHANNON:

(mid-push-up)

Solid.

She switches to one-armed push-ups.

GRU:

We are in a restaurant, you know.

Gru looks even more uncomfortable.

Just then Lucy (unseen by Gru) enters the restaurant.

approaches the HOSTESS.

She

LUCY:

Hi. Takeout for Lucy?

HOSTESS:

Sure, just a sec.

The Hostess leaves. Lucy looks around and then spots Gru.

Sees him with the wig and Shannon who is now doing crunches

on the floor. Lucy narrows her eyes, then has an idea. She

presses a button on her watch, which transforms into a HIGH

TECH EAVESDROPPING DEVICE, and puts it in her ear. Now she’s

able to hear Gru and Shannon talking. She watches them,

intrigued. Shannon has returned to her seat.

SHANNON:

Your accent is so exotic.

GRU:

Ah. Well, thank you very much. I

was-

SHANNON:

I know someone who can fix that for

you. And you’ll be talking normal

in no time.

Gru is starting to sweat.

GRU:

Hahaha. Hoooo. Is it hot in here?

Oof. How’s the food?

DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 64.

He wipes his brow and accidentally shifts the wig on his

head. Shannon stares at Gru’s hair.

SHANNON:

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Are

you wearing a wig?

GRU:

(really sweating it)

What? Ah!

(readjusts the wig)

I don’t think so.

SHANNON:

I knew it. You’re a phony. I hate

phonies.

GRU:

Oh. What? No. These locks are

all mine...

SHANNON:

No they’re not! You know what I’m

gonna do? I’m gonna rip that thing

off your head and show everyone

what a bald-headed phony you are.

LUCY:

I don’t think so, Miss Lady.

Lucy presses a button on her watch and a target sight pops

out.

Gru watches in horror as Shannon reaches across the table for

the wig.

Quickly Lucy presses another button on her watch which fires

a MINI-DART GUN at Shannon.

PLIP. The mini-dart goes into Shannon’s butt, knocking her

out instantly. And saving Gru from certain humiliation. Gru

stares at the now sleeping Shannon, confused.

GRU:

Hello... Hello, are you...?

LUCY (O.S.)

Hey, Gru.

Gru quickly removes the wig.

GRU:

Hello, Lucy, how you doin’...?

DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 65.

LUCY:

(noticing Shannon)

Wow, looks like your date’s out for

the count. It’s like she’s been

shot with a mild moose

tranquilizer.

Shannon MOANS like a MOOSE, then passes out again.

LUCY (CONT’D)

(winks)

Yeah, I’m winking ‘cuz that’s what

actually happened.

AN ITALIAN WAITER approaches.

ITALIAN WAITER:

(re:
Shannon)

‘Scusi, whassa happenin’ here? She

no like?

LUCY:

Oh, she’s just uh-(

makes drinking gesture)

The waiter nods and leaves.

ITALIAN WAITER:

(laughs)

Oh, oh, si, si...

Lucy turns to Gru.

LUCY:

Shall we take her home?

EXT:
RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Gru and Lucy carry an unconscious Shannon out of the

restaurant. Her head gets stuck in the swinging doors on the

way out. They try to dislodge her and accidentally end up

throwing her headfirst into a lamp post. They pick her up

between them, Weekend at Bernie’s-style. They wave to a

passing COP. The cop tips his hat.

EXT:
SUBURBAN STREET - LATER

Gru and Lucy get in her car. But it’s cramped with Shannon

in there too. She doesn’t really fit.

DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 66.

EXT:
SUBURBAN STREET - LATER

Lucy’s car drives down the street. Gru and Lucy now have

plenty of room in the car. We boom up to see that Shannon

has been strapped to the roof like a deer.

EXT:
SHANNON’S HOUSE - NIGHT

Gru and Lucy arrive at Shannon’s house. Lucy comes to an

abrupt stop and Shannon flies off the roof and slams into the

car in front of them.

EXT:
SHANNON’S HOUSE - LATER

Gru and Lucy sit on the front steps of Shannon’s house.

LUCY:

Well, I think you did it. You just

officially had the worst date ever.

GRU:

Huh, tell me about it.

LUCY:

Don’t worry--it can only get better

from here, right? But if it

doesn’t, you can always borrow my

dart gun. I’ve had to use it on

one or two dates myself.

GRU:

Yeah, you know, as far as dates go,

I think I’m good with just the one.

Gru and Lucy exchange looks. He CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY. Time to

go.

LUCY:

Well, good night, partner.

She pats his shoulder and walks toward her car. Gru gets up

to walk beside her.

LUCY (CONT’D)

This was fun.

GRU:

Yes. Surprisingly, it was.

LUCY:

Oh, and uh, just between you and

me? You look much better bald.

DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 67.

They smile at each other, and she gives him a peck on the

cheek and walks away.

LUCY (CONT’D)

See you tomorrow!

Gru smiles a big smile. Shannon slumps over on the porch

behind him. Could he be...falling in love?

INT:
GRU’S BEDROOM - SAME

RIIIING! Gru’s ALARM CLOCK goes off. He reaches out and

turns it off. Ready to greet the day.

INT:
SHOWER - DAY

Gru happily washes in the shower, acting out a puppet show

with his rubber ducky.

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