Destry Rides Again Page #4

me to do?

I expected you to be like

your pa; come in a-blastin'

behind shootin' irons.

And what happened?

You didn't have any. Why?

- I don't believe in 'em.

- Huh? You did the last

time I heard about ya.

What in thunder's

come over ya since then?

Well, Wash...

My pa had these on

that day down in Tombstone,

but he got shot in the back.

Didn't seem to do him

much good, did they?

That's one reason

I don't believe in 'em.

What in tarnation

do ya believe in?

- Law and order.

- Without guns?

Without 'em.

Well, if that

don't beat all let go.

Oh, Tom.

The reason they

made me sheriff here is

because I was the town drunk.

They wanted someone they could

kick around, someone who

wouldn't ask questions.

But I was aimin' to fool 'em,

do things right,

send in for you.

And now... you fooled me.

Well, you will fool 'em,

Wash.

We'll fool 'em together.

The only way to do that

is fill 'em full of lead.

No, no.

What for?

You shoot it out with 'em

and for some reason or

other, I don't know why,

they get to look

like heroes.

But you put 'em behind

bars and they'll look

little and cheap,

the way they oughta look.

And it serves

as a warnin' for the rest

of'em to keep away.

Oh, that won't work

here in Bottleneck.

You go on home,

and I'll go back

to bein' the town drunk.

That's all I'm good for.

Now, you're not goin' back

to bein' the town drunk,

and I'm gonna stay here and

do this job I come for.

My pa did it the old way,

and I'm gonna do it

a new way.

And if I don't prove

to you that I'm right,

I'll get outta town

quick enough. Don't worry.

But first, you got

to give me a chance, Wash.

No.

You've got to give me

a chance on this thing.

No, no.

Now, come on. Come on,

swear me in, Sheriff.

Well, raise your right hand.

Yeah, there.

Do you,

Thomas Jefferson Destry,

swear to uphold the law,

and serve your office and do

your duty and everything

that goes with it?

I do. I do.

Here's your badge.

Don't let anybody see it.

Without guns.

[Gunshots]

[Cattle Mooing]

[Gunshots Continue]

Eli.

Eli, hurry.

See if you can sneak

out the back way and bring

help as fast as you can.

Be careful now, careful.

All right, Ma.

Sister, get over there,

close to the wall.

You better give up, Claggett!

We're gonna get the ranch

sooner or later!

[Gunshots]

Come and get it!

[Gunshots Continue]

Nice hardware store,

ain't it, Tom?

Yeah.

We got some fine-looking

bowie knives in there too.

Yeah.

You wouldn't be interested

in one of them, would ya?

Nope.

No, I was afraid

you wouldn't.

Oh, Tom, look here.

Look at this post.

Soaked through and through

with the blood

of Sawtooth McGee.

Yeah, he objected to a petticoat

his neighbor's wife was wearing,

and they fit to a draw.

Both buried in the same grave.

Sawtooth and the petticoat.

No, Sawtooth and the neighbor

and four innocent bystanders.

Now, you gotta listen

to reason or get outta town.

Aw, I think

I'll stick around.

You know, I had a friend

once used to collect

postage stamps.

He always said

the one good thing

about a postage stamp...

It always sticks to one

thing 'til it gets

there. I'm like that.

Hey, Wash, wait.

Here. I got

somethin' for ya.

I ain't expectin' nothin'.

Folks think I'm gonna nurse

their livestock, they're crazy.

What is it?

Appears to be rabbits.

Pretty big family there.

Who sent for them?

Sheriff Keogh. I got

to get 'em off my hands.

When that crate come,

there was only two.

Now count 'em.

Well, rabbits

is like that.

You can have 'em.

Say, uh, where did

Sheriff Keogh go?

I don't know nothin'.

[Gunshots]

Hold on there.

Hold on now.

You fellas gettin'

kind of playful, ain't ya?

What about it?

Careful, Creepy.

That's No Gun Destry.

Oh. [Laughing]

Well, that's

pretty good shootin'.

Must be good guns.

You care if I heft 'em?

Guess you can't

hurt yourself any

just liftin' 'em,

but be careful.

They're loaded.

Nice weight.

Yeah.

Now aside from being

nice ornaments,

a fella can have a whole

lot of harmless amusement

outta these here toys.

Yeah, take for instance

them knobs on top

of that sign.

They're all right.

All right.

Now the next time you fellas

start any of this here...

promiscuous shootin' around

the streets, you're gonna

land in jail, understand?

Sure.

Sure.

All right.

We was just havin'

a little fun, Deputy.

All right.

Come on, Wash.

I can't believe my eyes.

I ain't seen shootin'

like that since Bat Masterson

killed that Paiute chief.

gotta do somethin' here.

And you been walkin'

around here actually

condemning the use of firearms.

- Where'd you say

Sheriff Keogh went?

- I didn't say.

He certainly left his

papers in a mess.

'Taint 'cause you're a coward,

'cause I know ya ain't.

Private papers, too.

Now listen, my son.

I'm an older man than you are.

I was an old

friend of your pa's.

When we was together...

He forgets his rabbits.

He forgets all these papers.

Rabbits is easy to forget.

Yeah, but gold ain't.

Ohh!

I don't care what

you find out, blast it!

I ain't seen

nothin' like you since

the last time I was drunk,

and them green snakes

and pink buffalos,

I can account for them,

but you... You've got

to listen to me.

All right, Wash,

now what's on your mind?

As though I ain't

been tryin' to tell ya.

You've got to behave like

I expect ya to behave.

Where's the sheriff?

He's outta town.

And when l...

Wait a minute. That's me.

Some men come

to take our ranch,

and they're shootin'

at Ma and Pa.

You hear that?

Shootin' goin' on in

this town all the time.

Come on, hurry!

What do ya want me for?

Oh, sure, sure.

Sure.

Let's see

your gun, son.

Doggone near as big

as you are, isn't it?

You're Thomas Jefferson Destry,

ain't ya?

That's right.

I'm Eli Whitney Claggett.

Well, glad to know ya.

Howdy. Gosh,

I've heard about you

and your pa all my life.

Whenever we play

sheriffs and injuns,

I'm always your pa.

Couldn't do better, son.

Gosh, I bet you've

killed a lot of men

in the course of duty.

Get goin', son.

I'll be right with ya.

How 'bout me handling it?

Gosh, yeah,

you can use it.

All right.

You see, Tom.

Even that little kid...

Reminds me of a kid

I used to know.

He done in both his

ma and pa with a crowbar.

No.

Yes, he did.

Now the judge said to him,

"Do ya got anything to say

for yourself?"

And the kid said,

"Well, I just hope that

Your Honor has some regard...

for the feelin's

of a poor orphan.' '

[Chuckling]

You know, that reminds...

Oh, why don't you go

back to Omaha?

I'm goin' along with you.

What in tarnation for?

See you don't get hurt.

See l...

[Grunting]

See I don't get...

[Wash]

Stop that shootin'!

Hold your fire, Lem.

Here's Eli back with the law.

Say, what do you

think you're doin'?

I told you we

were gonna have respect

for law and order,

and I ain't makin'

no exceptions.

That's fine, Sheriff.

Get those people

outta my house.

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