Destry Rides Again Page #3

and help with the baggage,

my wife will skin me alive.

Oh, your wife will

skin you alive anyway.

Come on. Maybe

you've got me beat.

Aha! I've been waiting

for you to tell me

I've got you beat...

so I would think I have not got

you beat, but I personally know

I have got you beat...

with my two kings

against your lonely ace.

Haven't I, Frenchy?

Thirty bucks

against your pants.

Oh, what to do, what to do.

[Speaking Russian]

[Cheering, Gunshots]

Come here, you.

[Laughing Loudly]

That's just a small sample

of what you buzzards are

gonna get from now on.

Welcome to Bottleneck, Tom.

I'm Wash.

Well, friend, I think...

It's a pleasure, Mr. Destry.

You folks have made a

mistake. I'm Jack Tyndall.

You ain't Destry?

Oh, that's me.

You're Destry?

Folks is always askin' me...

Well, Wash, hello.

Haven't changed a bit.

I'll be with ya soon

as I help the lady here.

[Laughter]

Canary bird!

Parasol.

[Laughing]

Put down that

dern bird, will ya?

Well, my mistake was certainly

a pardonable one. How do

you do, Mrs. Destry?

Oh, wrong again.

Yes, I'm Janet Tyndall.

Oh, well, you'll be

needin' rooms anyway.

I'll show ya across.

Oh, come on, Mr. Destry.

You'll be wantin' a nice,

strong cup of tea.

Tea?

[Laughing]

Tea for Destry? Are you

crazy? What he wants

is some strong liquor.

Come on to the saloon.

You want

a cup of tea?

[Laughing]

Oh, come on, Callahan.

I can't wait here all day.

Frenchy,

have I got you beat?

Why don't you

call me and find out?

I'll call.

I'll bet my pants.

Two aces.

I was right. Why didn't

I listen to myself?

Hand over those pants.

But, Frenchy, I can't.

It's undignified.

Think of my position.

I've met every king in Europe.

Now you've met two aces

in Bottleneck.

Off with those pants.

No, Frenchy,

you really don't mean it.

Get him, boys, get him.

Ohh!

Everybody's laughin' at ya.

Tom, you made an impression

in this town that's gotta

be eradicated right now.

Well, Wash, don't you think

them first impressions...

are darn fool things

to jump at, though?

Around here, you gotta jump

first or you don't live long.

Where's the saloon?

Down here. Come on.

What you were

just sayin' reminds me

of a friend of mine.

He woke up

in the middle of the night

and thought he saw...

a great big white hand

comin' up at him over

the edge of the bed.

So he got his gun out

from under his pillow

and he aimed,

and he shot a great big hole

right through his own foot.

No.

Yeah. Now he shouldn't

have gone...

by that first impression,

should he? Huh?

[Laughing]

Well, it was a darn fool...

Aw, come on.

Oh, that was

just Callahan,

Lily Belle's husband.

Come along in here.

Meet the folks.

Well, folks, here he is.

I want ya all

to meet my new deputy,

Thomas Jefferson Destry.

Howdy, folks.

Welcome to Bottleneck,

Destry.

My name's Kent.

Howdy.

And this is Slade,

our mayor.

How are you, sir?

Oh, Frenchy! Frenchy!

Oh, here's the gal

you gotta meet.

[Laughing]

This is Frenchy.

Howdy, ma'am.

[Together]

How's the weather up there?

Yeah, yeah. Ah, come on.

You can do better than that.

[Wash]

You know, Frenchy is

the real boss of Bottleneck.

Oh, well, always like

to know who's boss.

You'll find out.

Come on, everybody.

Have a drink

on Callahan's pants.

[Cheering]

Mr. Destry,

before we start drinking,

I think you and me ought

to come to an understanding.

Well, I'm all for folks

understanding each other.

That's a mighty

fine idea, Mr. Kent.

I'm glad you agree with me.

So I'll start by telling you

that I have a...

very peculiar hobby.

Uh-huh. So have I.

Mine's, uh, carving napkin

rings. What's yours?

Mine's collecting

deputy sheriff's guns.

Whenever I meet a new deputy,

I always ask him for his gun.

And I ask him real nice.

Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Kent.

I'm afraid this here is

one gun your collection's

gonna be minus.

You mean I'm gonna

have to take it?

If you can.

Now hold on, hold on.

Don't get excited here.

I was just tryin' to tell ya

that I ain't got any guns.

See, if I woulda

had a gun there,

why, one of us

might have got hurt,

and it might have been me.

I wouldn't like that.

Would I?

[Laughing]

Tweet-tweet!

I'm a canary.

Where's my cage?

It's gettin' sunny.

Where's my parasol?

Folks, seems like

we got a deputy that

knows what's good for him.

[Laughing]

If he don't carry a gun,

he can't get into any trouble.

[Laughter]

And if anybody picks on you,

you come to Uncle.

I'll remember that,

Mr. Kent.

[Laughing]

What'll you have, Destry?

Milk?

Yeah, I think I will.

[Laughter]

I can see now how you

cleaned up Tombstone.

You can start right here.

And don't forget

the corners.

Hey, you!

Gimme those pants.

And from now on,

you leave my husband alone.

I don't want your

husband, Mrs. Callahan.

All I want is his money.

And his pants.

And how'd you get 'em?

By makin' eyes at him

while you cheat, you...

you gilded lily, you.

But Mrs. Callahan,

you know that he would

rather be cheated by me...

than married to you.

- What'd you say?

- You heard me.

That's what

I thought ya said.

[Indistinct Yelling]

Come on, Frenchy!

Cowboy!

Ride 'em, cowboy!

Come on, Frenchy!

[Speaking Chinese]

Hang on and

get her scalp, Frenchy!

[Speaking Chinese]

Frenchy!

Ride 'em, cowboy!

Come on, Frenchy!

Come on, Frenchy!

Come on, Frenchy!

Frenchy!

Come on, Frenchy!

Come on, Frenchy!

[Laughter]

Scratch him!

Scratch him!

Come on, Frenchy!

That thing will go off!

Look, will ya wait?

Go, Frenchy!

Wait. Will ya just...

Come on, Frenchy!

Hey, Uncle!

Ride 'em, cowboy!

Get him, Frenchy!

Ride 'em, cowboy!

[Indistinct Yelling]

Come on, Frenchy!

Come on, Frenchy!

Hey, can't we talk

this over?

Come on, Frenchy!

Uh-oh.

[Clang]

Used to play one of them.

Aw, now...

Now wait a minute, lady.

Don't you call me a lady!

Oh... Oh, now, now.

Oh, now, you wouldn't...

Come on, Frenchy!

Oh, you must be

plum tuckered out.

My mistake.

Get out before I kill ya.

You mean you

haven't been tryin'?

Get out!

All right, all right,

I'm leavin'.

You sure have a knack

of makin' a stranger

feel right at home, ma'am.

Nice knowin' ya.

Who's buyin' me a drink?

[Cheering]

Gotta gal, gotta gal

with a Frenchy walk

Gotta gal, gotta gal

with a Frenchy talk

Goin' to France tonight

'cause you're my pal

Keep away

from the old corral

[Cheering]

Who's boss

of Bottleneck?

[All Cheering]

Frenchy!

I never thought

I'd live to see the day...

that Tom Destry's son

would be the laughingstock

of the whole town.

Look that bad?

You won't be able

to stick your nose out of a door

without everybody hootin' at ya.

Well, them that wants

to hoot, let 'em hoot.

You won't be hearin' it.

I told Mrs. Callahan

you won't be needin' this room.

You're leaving

on the next coach.

I sort of like

it here, Wash.

How you gonna face anybody

after what you took

from Kent and Frenchy?

What did you expect

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