Det store lærred: Regel nr. 1

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Phone for Dr. Sander on Line 2.

RULE NUMBER ONE:

AUTUMN 1999

Heidi Storgrd to OR 4.

Are you sure you want

to go through with this?

Of course. Why do you ask?

It's just that...

We haven't really discussed it.

You're my sister.

There's nothing to discuss.

You would do the same for me.

No, wait. I can't.

Let me go.

Get this off me, I'm stuck.

SPRING 2003

- It's Sarah.

- Hi, sweetheart, it's mom.

Mom, can I call you later?

Sure, I was just wondering if you've

invited Caroline to your birthday?

- I can't.

- Pull yourself together.

How often do I have to tell you

she's feeling much better now?

She is not on dialysis

20 hours a week any more.

You have to invite her.

Do it for my sake.

Remember, I'm your mother. I can still

kill you and make a new daughter.

Perhaps not as pretty...

Just do it, okay?

Talk to you later.

Hello?

Yeah.

Hi, Sarah... Yeah.

No, she's not in.

Can I take a message?

Are there free drinks?

We'll be there.

Okay. Cool, bye.

- We're going to a party.

- What?

- On Saturday.

- Why is she inviting us?

I don't know, honey,

She's your sister.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Happy birthday.

Thanks.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Hi, Kenneth.

- Hi.

- There are drinks at the bar.

- The bar doesn't empty itself.

It's been a while.

You look older.

I do?

Stop it.

In a good way.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- How are you?

- Congratulations.

Is that for me?

Thanks.

Say it.

Say it!

Schumacher is the one.

All right, time to shift gears!

Stop!

Stop, damn it!

What are you doing, you idiot!

Here, Caroline, do something!

What the hell is wrong with you?

- Honeybun, it's not what you think.

- Not what you think? Prick.

- Stay out of it, Sarah.

- You're disgusting.

Stop it!

I want him out of here now.

- Time to go.

- Okay. Relax.

Caroline.

- Would you like some tea?

- No.

Are you going to leave him?

- Yes.

- Just curious.

How long have you

been living here?

Three years.

Where am I going to go?

I'll die if I have to move in with Mom.

I haven't cleared up, but you're

only sleeping in here anyway.

- We're going out. Meet guys. Party.

- That's the last thing I need.

Stop that. You need to get your hair

mussed. Mussed hair is good for you.

- I don't think that's a good idea.

- And mud baths.

Maybe we should just talk. It's been

so long and so much has happened.

Don't be so morose.

Rule Number One:
when you're sad,

you shouldn't talk about sad things.

- Got anything I can sleep in?

- Look in the closet.

And a wrench. I need to tighten

a pipe on your washing machine.

- I haven't got any tools.

- You must have some.

They always come

with a man attached -

- and when I throw my men out,

I toss their tools out after them.

Besides, you'll break your nails.

We'll just have someone come fix it.

Sleep tight.

- Hi.

- What's up?

Listen, I've been braining

about the thing with your sister...

- Okay! He has to be good looking.

- Of course, they all are.

- And no losers.

- These are my friends.

It's just that my sister needs someone

with two feet on the ground.

Maybe John T?

I play golf with him sometimes.

- Are you ready?

- Yeah.

- There.

- What are you doing?

- What?

- What's that?

- Isn't it okay?

- Don't you have something feminine?

Is it that bad?

Sarah, Sarah.

Excellent. You've got great breasts.

Why hide them in a sports bra?

Isn't it a little tight?

It shows them off and

boosts your self-confidence.

- To have guys staring at my breasts?

- Yeah.

It looks like I've got three breasts.

And these panties feel like

I've got dental floss up my ass.

Every little bit counts.

Try this.

- Then I'll really look like a stripper.

- We'll take it.

You need to make sure he's got some

bite. Or you'll be wasting your time.

He has to be charming and attentive,

but he also has to be a bit of a jerk.

- Try this one too.

- Charming and attentive sound good.

Not sure how big a jerk he should be,

but you shouldn't be too dominating.

- You think I'm too dominating?

- No, no. Just don't be too clever.

- There's no way I'm playing stupid.

- No, no, but don't scare him off.

- Let him strut after fixing the VCR.

- I can manage that myself.

I know. The point is sometimes

you can seem a little too cool.

Poor things. You know they like

to think they're in control.

Try this one too.

You're going to look so good.

You're going to look so good.

- Where are we going?

- If I tell you, it won't be a surprise.

Why are we driving so far?

It's a tradition.

We do it every year.

- Will there be lots of people?

- Some.

I shouldn't have come. Your new

friends are all cool city people.

Relax, it will be fun.

You can't mope around at home

thinking about the monster.

Wearing these shoes

should be an Olympic event.

- Why are we at an airport?

- You'll see...

- You know I'm scared of heights.

- Will you just trust me?

Hi. Caroline, this is John T.

John T, this is Caroline.

- Hey, gorgeous.

- Caroline.

I'll just go get a couple

of smoothies, okay?

- What are you doing?

- Aren't we having a drink?

Say something nice about

his sidecar or something.

We need to find a pack for you.

How much do you weigh?

Weigh?

- Isn't she jumping?

- Jumping? I'm not jumping...

You'll love this.

It almost beats sex.

Remember, arms and legs spread

out like a peeled banana.

And if things go wrong, and

I start to panic, just pull this.

- Wait, I don't think...

- Here we go.

Does anyone have a toothbrush?

- Plane takes off in ten.

- We're all set.

- Sarah, I really want to go home.

- Listen, you jump. I'll drive you.

Give me five minutes.

- Look forward to it.

- I'm going straight to bed.

- Exactly.

- You have to admit he's a little...

Seriously, I don't feel too good.

Okay, no one's forcing you.

If you're not up to it...

See you.

Let me take that.

There.

- Thanks for the ride.

- You're welcome.

Bye.

It was actually a lot of fun.

- Bye.

- Bye.

Let me try.

- They're the wrong keys.

- What?

How about a cup of tea?

- May I use your phone to call Sarah?

- Sure.

Come inside.

- Do I just press the round button?

- Yeah.

- Isn't she picking up?

- No.

You know, Caroline, it's no problem.

You can just crash here.

- Aren't you going back to the party?

- Nah, I can't be bothered.

- It all gets so superficial. Cheers.

- Cheers.

Check it out.

There.

You look like you're feeling better.

Listen, I've only got one bed...

Why don't you go and lie down.

I'll be back in two seconds.

If you need a toothbrush,

there's one in the bottom drawer.

- John T?

- Yeah?

- I'm kind of tired.

- Yeah.

And that thing with my boyfriend

was only a week ago...

So I was hoping you didn't think

we were going to... screw.

No, no.

- You know what I'd really like?

- No?

I'd really like to lie in spoons.

If you don't mind.

Would you?

Sure.

Okay? I knew they had a thing, but

I had no idea it was that serious.

No kidding.

Listen, I've got to go.

What?

That's just it... Yes.

Okay, gotta go. My sister's coming.

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