Det store lærred: Regel nr. 1 Page #2

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See you.

Did you get over your "queasiness"?

Oh, there they are!

What are we celebrating?

That it's been ages since

you were with a real man.

Come on, Caroline, I want details.

Did he show you that trick

he does with his tongue?

- I don't think so.

- You shouldn't miss out.

- He's not my type.

- And so what?

- It could develop into something.

- With John T?

- Is it me? It's cause I picked him.

- Stop it.

And it doesn't matter how hot he is?

Maybe he's a little slick, but

he's in great shape. He's so you.

His breasts were bigger than mine.

So you went home with John T, but

you didn't have sex? Is that possible?

He did look a little startled when

I asked if we could lie in spoons.

Are you okay?

Hi, Mom, happy birthday.

What are you wearing?

It looks like underwear.

- Stop it, Mom.

- Put your hair up. It looks scruffy.

It's supposed to look like this...

Well, then smile.

There's someone I want you to meet.

Mom, don't set me up with anyone.

- Palle, this is Caroline.

- Hi, Palle.

- Caroline is a med student.

- How exciting.

Palle is a stockbroker.

Let me just get a picture of you.

You look so nice together.

Come on. Smile.

You look so pretty when you smile.

I'll take that.

Cheers.

So... Are you almost done studying?

No.

I'm in my second semester.

It's actually been a while

since I attended any classes.

All those exams can be too much.

No, my ex wanted me to get a job

so he could buy a house and a car.

Then my kidneys failed

and I got a kidney transplant.

I spent a lot of time in hospital.

And the last thing

I needed was a lecture -

- on pancreatic juices

or how the body expells waste.

Haven't you gone in yet?

Mom's already tried

to set me up with someone.

That's what I keep telling you,

you need a real man.

- Just want to marry me off or what?

- Of course not.

- Still thinking about the monster?

- It's been a week.

Rule Number One:

when you're down, break something.

What do you mean?

Smash something,

something he likes.

You won't feel better until

you've had revenge.

I'll get it.

They just got a little wet.

- Say Gorgonzola.

- What?

Say Gorgonzola.

He's the type that'll

give you red roses and stuff.

- Oh no.

- What do you mean?

Michael always gave me roses

when he wanted me to forgive him.

I'm not talking about Michael's

patch-up roses from the corner store.

I'm talking about long stemmed,

deep red, elegant thorn free roses.

A bundle of wild flowers from

the side of the road will do for me.

- Not that one.

- I thought you were super-motivated.

- Okay, but this is desperate.

- Desperate sometimes does the trick.

We're fashionably late.

Good things come to those who wait.

Yeah, but we're 45 minutes late.

There they are.

- My ears feel funny, I can't hear.

- Come on, Caroline.

It's an awesome pitch,

celebrities vs. ordinary people.

They throw dice, move game pieces

and answer a couple of questions.

Who wins? Is the neighbor's

daughter better than the celebrity?

And whose side are we on?

The celebrity's or Joe Schmoe?

And it's all outdoors.

No more boring studio recordings.

The idea is:
Everyone's a star.

Kind of like outdoor Parcheesi?

Is that your sales pitch?

Outdoor Parcheesi?

Most Japanese eat sushi

with their fingers.

- So what do you do?

- I work in a bike shop.

I used to ride competitively, so ...

You could say I know what

a nipple wrench is used for.

- Don't you ride any more?

- No...

I got sick.

I need to... you know.

I had kidney failure so

I spent a while in hospital.

But I'm fine now. I feel great.

I take a few pills, but

otherwise I live a normal life.

- Are you okay?

- Yes.

- What do you think?

- Do you think I have a chance?

Definitely.

Sometimes I wish I'd invite my brain

along before opening my big mouth.

You look fine.

- You're coming back soon, right?

- In just a second.

I can't screw her, she's ill.

What if she croaks on me?

- But I can always come in her hair.

- She'd never let you.

I'll bet you a thousand I can take her

home tonight and spray her all over.

- Okay, but you have to film it.

- It's a deal.

My nose!

- Did you hit him?

- We're leaving.

No, we're not.

I can't stay here by myself.

They're very small people.

Are you jealous of Patrick and me?

Is that it?

Go on. Run back to your pathetic

manicured lawns and Monet posters.

Just cause you can't cope doesn't

mean you have to spoil it for others.

Typical. Super-selfish Caroline.

Now I remember how you really are.

Typical. Super-selfish Caroline.

Now I remember how you really are.

You'll feel a little prick.

There.

I'd like to make a new appointment.

- The results look fine.

- Yeah.

How about Wednesday the 5th?

That's fine.

Preferably in the morning.

- 10:
30.

- That's great.

- Here's a little reminder.

- Thanks. Bye.

I'm looking for a guy

who studies architecture.

When I met him, he was wearing

a T-shirt with your logo on it.

I've got a picture of him.

Could I borrow your copier?

Dear Architect Guy ...

You helped me at the bus stop...

- Department of Defense.

- My name is Caroline kerwald.

Could I speak to someone about those

catastrophe drills you arrange?

- You want to be a casualty?

- What?

Jrgen, we've got another casualty.

One moment please.

Okay.

- Are you with an organization?

- No, I'm just me.

- Don't touch it.

- Okay.

- I just thought it was a little much.

- You're shot and injured, right?

Put your overalls on.

We have to get going.

Check the turn signals.

- Hi, I just wanted to say thanks.

- Thanks for what?

- For helping me at the bus stop.

- Hi, the girl with the lamp.

It's good to see you happy again.

- You're going to be a casualty?

- I thought I'd try it.

You'll ruin your clothes. Why didn't

they give you a pair of overalls?

- It's okay.

- No, let's find you a pair.

- It's okay, really.

- Follow me.

Here you go.

- Could you hold this?

- Sure.

- Are you often a soldier?

- No, I'm studying architecture.

Okay! Exciting.

- What houses will you build?

- I design furniture mostly.

- What do you do?

- I work in a bike shop.

Here.

Lie down there.

Good.

Listen, it's a little deep here,

can I move over there?

You don't think you can decide where

you fall when you get shot, do you?

Are you comfortable?

All clear! Roll!

Sebastian?

This drill is over for you, soldier.

Hold your nose and blow.

Don't worry, We'll have you

checked thoroughly at the ER.

- Hi.

- Hi.

What are you doing here?

I'm in a catastrophe drill.

What about you?

I was lighting the barbecue.

Good going, no? Now I'm stuck here

and my party goes on without me.

Never mind.

Are you okay?

Should I slap your back?

Have I got mud all over my face?

Yeah, there's a little there.

- Is it gone now?

- There's some there too.

And there.

It's funny.

I know this guy called Bo.

He wanted a new haircut

for the winter season.

You know...

...with slick patches.

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