Detention Page #5

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-...her hippie parents hate.

-My parents aren't hippies.

-Are you all a**holes?

-I'm not.

Look, guys, it's obvious

I have no ties to Billy and Taylor.

Same school, same food chain.

How could you,

strange, unknown quiet guy?

I'm not a killer, I'm just boring.

Toby, you're right.

It can't be any of us.

We're not anguished enough.

Our generation has had

no major struggles.

-What about 9/1 1?

-Afghanistan?

-lraq.

-Katrina.

Heath Ledger. What?

Too soon?

The hell do Katrina & the Waves

have to do with it?

Katrina the hurricane.

Wikipedia it, b*tch.

It's spelled "encyclopedia," slutbag.

Who's the guy in the hoodie?

My name is Elliot Fink.

I didn't see you.

Nobody really sees me.

I've had detention every day

for the last 1 9 years.

Nineteen years?

The hell did you do?

I.... I don't remember.

Took a dump on the windshield

of Woodruff's Cadillac.

Only got a week.

You must be the baddest motherf***er

in school.

Now, Elliot Fink,

you're gonna sit here...

...and think about

what you've done.

You'll have detention every day

until I tell you you're reformed.

My school will not be a training ground

for budding pornographers.

Don't look at me, perv.

Can I get a Wi-Fi connection here?

'Nam flashback?

Did you go to this school in 1 992?

Yeah, she'll be 65 next week.

It's a surgical wonder.

Apparently, a perfect body

and eyeliner aren't enough...

...to win the school dance-off.

You need, like, moves and things.

God!

I used to know how to break it down

like C+C Music Factory.

Yeah, right!

Mom, the dance-off is in two days.

All you need to do is swap minds

with my 1 8-year-old self.

My mind will go into your mind,

into your body...

...and win you the dance-off.

Meanwhile, your mind

will travel to 1 992.

That way people won't wonder

why there's two of you...

...or us, hanging around now.

A couple of things I need to tell you

about boys in 1 992.

Christian Slater, Frank Whaley...

...oh, and Richard Grieco

are all foxes.

Donnie Wahlberg is bordering sexy.

Oh, and Kevin Costner is slamming

in Prince of Thieves.

Kevin Costner is a douche.

And one other thing...

...are you insane?

It's what I always sang to you

when you were a baby.

When you wish--

Sh*t!

I wish my mother

would go to another planet...

...instead of being a drunken has-been

who's full of sh*t.

So that's how my mind ended up

in my mother's body in 1 992.

And how I ended up

in my daughter lone in the present.

But that's all technical science stuff.

Wow, lone really did her research.

Next up, doing ballet...

...we have Ripley Jones.

Riley!

Whatever, dude.

You have like three minutes.

You taste like Luke Perry.

-She's a gimp.

-FML!

Every student donating a food item

to help the war victims...

...will receive a free pass

to Lethal Weapon 3.

What the heck is so retro

about Kris Kross, dumbass?

This week the Science Olympiad

took place in Town Creek.

I am never leaving this place.

This move is sick.

Tighten up that defense line

Said hold that line

This one is....

Oh, hey, Verge,

are you coming out tonight?

We're gonna watch Freejack

on laser disc.

Dear God, please give me the strength

to ask Sloan to prom.

We're meant to be

and she sees the future.

And give some food to those Ethiopian

kids hanging out with Sally Struthers...

...because seeing them

really bums me out...

...during Star Trek: Next Generation.

Amen.

Lose your seat?

No, I was just sitting

right over there.

I saw you in cheerleader practice

in the gym yesterday...

...and I was thinking about it again

in bed last night.

I was just gonna ask you to prom.

I can smell bologna packed

in your lunch. It makes me gag.

You look like a girl!

Sloan probably only likes guys

that look like C. Thomas Howell.

Well, that's just

racial discrimination.

If I can't be part of her future,

there will be no future.

Damn it.

Well, if I'm gonna die, at least I know

I've lived twice as long as Riley.

Just because you're a b*tch

doesn't give you dog years.

Says the baby with the stuffed toys.

I think it's Taylor's.

Verge is right.

The killer's right here.

We gotta find out what happens

after the Cinderhella murders.

-Cinderhella dies.

-Yeah, after that.

What happens in

Cinderhella III:
Blood Ball?

-Movie's not out yet.

-I'll BitTorrent the work print.

Three, two-- Got it!

Damn. The review

by Sherlock Moriarty...

...compares it unfavorably

to Hellboy II...

...calling it a "craptasterpiece."

That's it.

If Mr. Pain's giving us detention

on a Saturday...

...the least we can do is download

Slashing Beauty 4 for free...

...and watch it illegally on the Internet

before it's released.

I wanna have unprotected sex.

How can they make a movie worse

than Cinderhella II?

They say the Beauty Beast

only kills virgins.

I'm saving myself for marriage.

I avoid teenage pregnancy.

Madison. We're gonna die.

If it's life or death....

-What is this, Canadian?

-Canada invented the slasher film...

...as well as the "animal plays a sport"

genre, motherf***er.

I'm a virgin.

Take me, Beauty Beast!

Your teeth are so hard!

Suck it!

Goddamn it!

Greg, you a**hole.

Now we really do have to use

this time to think about our futures.

This movie is so stupid.

Let's go back to class

and fall asleep.

None of you felons...

... will ever graduate!

What is this commotion?

-We're about to get murdered.

-Someday you will be old, kids.

Do you believe that our president,

Barack Obama, murdered anyone...

...when he was in high school?

O.J. maybe. Not Obama.

-I think that's racist, sir.

-What is? It is not.

Why did you go from Obama to O.J.

instead of to Dahmer or someone?

I, Mimi, am the principal

of this school...

...and you have not even completed

your schooling.

Besides, I voted for McCain.

In conclusion, stop f***ing around.

-Are we allowed to read?

-No, Hitachi.

Toshiba.

Ione. Sorry, baby.

-"Baby"?

-Weird.

Who is that?

My name's Elliot Fink.

Nobody say a word.

Nobody sneeze.

Nobody look at anything

except your own eyeballs.

There's a killer amongst us.

You've read Brave New World.

Like Big Brother, I'm watching you.

Big Brother was in 1984.

You have no future in my opinion.

What now?

These kids should be happy to be

away from their Yu-Gi-Oh.

What the hell are you doing

out of detention?

I solved the equation.

Cool. You passed Trig. In other news,

somebody's murdering us.

None of that matters.

If these numbers are correct,

the world is ending in 1 0 minutes.

-The whole world?

-Yeah, all of Grizzly Lake.

-That's not the whole world.

-You been outside Grizzly Lake?

-No.

-What's the difference?

Whoa-kay.

Nobody knows who you are.

Why believe you?

In 9.4 minutes,

everyone you know...

...your friends, your parents...

...your extensions, goes bye-bye.

This destruction is man-made.

If it's man-made, we can kill it.

Score one for Captain 9021 -Obvious.

How do we stop it?

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