Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days Page #3

- What's that?

Oh, Rowley. Can you ever be serious?

They'll let anyone in this place.

That must be why you're here.

Let's play doubles.

Patty and me versus you two.

Okay.

I'm gonna kill you!

Sorry.

Fifteen, love.

What'd she call me?

Yes!

I mean, oops.

Thirty, love.

Whatever you say... love!

What?

He's a weirdo.

I got it! I got it!

Have either of you

actually played tennis before?

Yeah... Ultimate Tennis on the Wii.

It's not exactly the same thing.

I could give you a few pointers.

You have to follow through. Like this.

- We have to go. It's an emergency.

- A mega-emergency.

The printer messed up the invitations

for my Sweet Sixteen.

What does that have to do with me?

People have expectations.

Everything has to be perfect!

You'll never understand

what it's like to be pretty.

Can you drive me home later?

Come back for you? No.

It's like ten minutes away!

Now move it or lose it.

I know, right?

I'll see you guys later!

Bye!

Not bad for the first day of my fake job.

Plus, now Dad and I

are both "working men"...

we get along great.

Happy Fourth of July!

"Li'l Cutie cartoonist

to retire in three months"!

We won't have to read

that garbage anymore!

Good riddance!

Every Fourth of July,

our neighbors, the Warrens,

throw a big party for the whole block.

Mom and Dad make us all go.

Which is bad...

because I've been avoiding

Rodrick's built-in lie detector.

Hey, worker bee.

You know, you having a job

doesn't pass the smell test.

Yes, it does. It totally does!

- Here, sweetie.

- Thanks.

With my boys, it's go, go, go!

I have to wrestle them in every night.

Same with my boys.

They're in my Wilderness Explorers

troop now. They love it!

I loved being in the Wilderness Explorers.

- You did?

- Yeah. Loved it.

That one camping trip we took as kids,

you cried the whole time.

Well, I broke my arm in two places.

Cried the whole time.

Yeah, I...

It hurt.

You know what?

You should join the Wilderness Explorers.

I'm more of an indoor person.

Exactly. When's the next meeting?

The waiting list for our troop

is a mile long.

Everybody wants to join

the best of the best.

Is that your dog? We grew up with a dog.

Nutty. Frank named him.

You can never be too young

to learn responsibility.

You should get your boys a dog.

Yeah. That's a great idea.

I think I'll speak to Dad

about my suspicions.

Do whatever you want.

I will.

Okay! Okay!

I don't really have a job.

Holly Hills is a member,

if I'm at the country club,

I can hang out with her.

I knew it.

So is Heather Hills there, too?

- Heather who?

- I want in.

I can't get you in there.

I go as Rowley's guest.

I'll go as your guest.

I can't bring the guest. I am the guest.

There's no guest for the guest.

Things are getting complicated.

But at least something good

came out of the barbecue.

Introducing...

the new member of the Heffley family!

Oh, Frank.

I wish you'd checked with me first.

I think this is more of a family decision.

- Who's a good puppy?

- We can call him Shredder!

- No.

- Ripjaw?

We can call him Sweetie.

Sweetie!

Sweetie, that's a great name!

Yeah. Yeah.

Dad was willing to go

with any name Mom wanted

if it meant

he didn't have to take the dog back.

Sweetie!

Sweetie.

Sweetie! Sweetie!

I always thought I wanted a dog, but...

I'm having second thoughts.

All right, ready? Sit. Sit!

Good! Hey, did you see that?

Okay, now shake.

Shake. Shake.

Here you go.

"Sweaty"?

I'm pretty sure it spells Sweetie, Dad.

I love you.

With Sweetie around, I'd hoped

Dad would forget about

joining the Wilderness Explorers.

But Dad connected

with his old troop master.

As your father knows...

we take our scouting

very seriously in Troop 133.

It's true.

Only the very best

get to be part of this troop.

It's so great to be back here,

Troop Master Barrett!

Now, you boys get yourselves a uniform,

and the first thing you'll do...

is clean out

that musty old storage locker.

Oh, really? Okay.

Dad got more than he bargained for.

But he couldn't wiggle out of it,

that would set a bad example.

Whittling is the kind of skill

you'll need...

for our upcoming wilderness weekend.

I'm getting splinters.

This is impossible.

I have finished, Troop Master Barrett!

It seems the only break I'll get this

summer is at the country club.

That is, as long as Rodrick

doesn't ruin things.

Don't forget about me.

Go around the back!

Marco!

Polo!

Marco!

Polo!

Rodrick?

Rodrick!

Hello, guvnor!

Top of the crumpet to you!

Where's the nearest loo, mate?

Mustered up a wee little tinkle!

I don't want to sound like a snob,

but I'm not sure Rodrick

is country club material.

Marco!

Polo!

You can hold your breath

a really long time!

Would you like another smoothie?

No, thanks. Polo!

I'd like to order a few things.

He's not serious.

I'm very serious. Two orders of fries,

vanilla shake extra thick...

and anything with bacon on it.

Fish out of water!

Finally! I thought I'd never find you!

What's Rodrick doing here?

I got invited! You got a problem?

No! No problem!

Mom is going to kill you!

When did you get a tattoo?

There's a lot you don't know about me,

Greggy.

Having Rodrick at the country club

really made me nervous.

I told him to keep a low profile. I didn't

want to get fired from my fake job.

But, of course, he didn't listen.

It's Heather Hills time.

Don't go over there.

I'm not. She's coming to me.

Rodrick did have a plan.

Unfortunately, he came up with it himself.

I guess he saw Heather's lifeguard outfit

and figured she'd be into...

saving people and stuff.

Cramp!

Excuse me.

What time does the snack bar close?

What am I, a guidebook?

Come back when you're drowning.

Cramp!

There's no need to be mean.

Help! Hey, look, I'm drowning! Hey!

Listen, shrimp, the reason I'm here

in this ridiculous outfit

is to get credit for my

college application.

I can't...

I'm drowning!

So bounce.

Cramp! Help! Help!

- What the...

- I got you!

Who are you?

- I don't even know you!

- You're okay.

What is happening?

Guess what?

We're going to the shore this weekend

and my mom said I could invite you!

The boardwalk's awesome.

Go on the Cranium Shaker.

You haven't lived till you've done that.

You should come!

I think most people would agree

I'm a pretty likeable kid...

but for some reason, I've never clicked

with Mr. Jefferson.

Greg. Honey.

Your father and I

have something to give you.

You've showed us you're

responsible enough to have one.

Your own cell phone.

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