Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules Page #3

falls backwards in the chair?

Because I'm not the one wearing

the underwear on my head.

Tick tock, on the clock

But the party don't stop, no

Remember when I broke my arm?

That didn't feel good at--

I can't believe you sat on the tinfoil ball!

We're going to be rich!

Okay, Rowley.

Hold still. Oy!

My computer was supposed

to be for homework only.

You lied to me. You know

how I feel about that.

Mom, from now on,

I'll be 100% honest.

Well, that lasted

about a week.

Mom somehow didn't appreciate the

completely honest version of me.

Happy birthday,

Grandpa!

Next year, I want

a chocolate cake.

That is, if you're alive next year.

Greg!

Honesty, Mom!

Mom, it's Mrs. Gillman

from the PTA.

Tell her I'm not here!

But that would be lying

and I don't do

that anymore.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Gillman, but my

mom isn't in the house right now.

On weekends, I try to stay as

far away from my brothers as possible.

But on Sunday morning,

I have no choice.

Poopy!

Huh?

Oh, Greg! It looks like

he has a candy bar on there.

Manny!

Frank, you're gonna have to do something.

Yeah, I'll get a rag.

Dad, stop it!

Hold still!

All right, let me see.

You're fine.

Can't even tell.

I'm not going in with a poop stain on my pants!

Okay, well, you can't skip church.

No, I'm not going in like this!

Fine.

He made them every one

Go.

All things bright and beautiful

All creatures great and small

All things wise and wonderful

What are you doing? Go!

The Lord God made them all

Please be seated.

Let me just say how gratifying it is

to see so many smiling faces here today.

Mothers and fathers...

Okay, we're up.

Come on, we're up!

But everyone will see the sweater!

People are looking, okay?

So come on. Let's go.

Come on.

Poop!

He's pooped his pants!

No, it isn't what it looks like!

It isn't!

It's chocolate!

Chocolate, see?

What did I say about

being civil to one another?

That's all I asked of you!

Well, you have blown it big time!

Never been more embarrassed!

Everyone we know was there!

I have no idea how I'm

gonna write my column this week!

I feel like a complete fraud!

Well, you brought this on yourselves!

You can kiss Rockin' Rapids goodbye!

You two will stay here all weekend

and work out your differences.

And if you don't, I will.

And trust me, you don't

want any part of that.

Do you understand?

Yes. Yes.

Yes.

All right, let's go.

And don't have anybody over this weekend.

Got it?

Party at my place.

Snacks in the bowls, ice in

the freezer, cups on the table.

Your party better be good.

Our party, little bro.

Wait! Whoa, whoa! We need

chairs from the basement.

For what?

In case we wanna

play musical chairs.

I haven't played musical

chairs since the second grade.

Well, it comes back

when you hit high school.

Wait! You get the chairs.

I don't want anyone to be

disappointed. All right?

Okay.

All right.

Rodrick, help!

The door's closed!

Yeah, and it's

staying closed.

I don't need a middle-schooler

ruining my party.

What? I thought it was our party!

It's my party.

Now keep quiet

or I'll lock you in the dryer!

Rodrick!

Greg!

And that's magic!

Jefferson residence.

Rowley speaking.

Rowley, I need

your help! Now!

Holy pepperoni!

Get inside. Open the door and let me out!

Yes, you did it!

It's a really nice try, Greggy.

But whatever you thought,

I already thinked it!

When our band is huge, we'll

have parties every night!

But they'll be backstage parties!

Sweet! We'll get to go backstage.

You, don't touch that phone!

Music off! Everybody freeze!

Freeze.

If anyone makes a sound,

the party is over

and I am a dead man.

So... Shh!

Quiet, man!

Get back!

Shh!

Hello?

Rodrick, it's Mom.

Is everything okay? It took

a long time for you to answer.

Yeah, everything's fine.

I was just washing dishes.

Okay, honey. Well, I just wanted

to check in and say I love you,

and I'm sorry I was

so harsh earlier.

No problem. Bye.

Now let me say

good night to Greg.

Greg?

Oh, uh...

He can't. He's asleep.

I don't want to wake him.

No, I'm not. I'm right here. Hi, Mom.

Hey, Rodrick.

Hi, sweetie,

is everything okay?

Why were you sleeping so early?

Well, actually, I wasn't

sleeping. I'm down in the basement.

The basement? What

the heck are you doing down there?

Wouldn't you rather be

up here hanging with me?

Yeah, I would, Rodrick. Why

don't you come down and get me?

Now.

I think

they're trying to get along.

Huh? That's good.

Good, honey.

Okay. Everything is cool here, right, Greg?

Yeah, Mom. And I have

your number if I need you.

Okay, sweeties. Well, we'll

see you tomorrow. Good night.

Listen up.

If you do anything that

embarrasses me, anything at all,

I will...

You'll what?

Just stay out

of my way,

nerds.

I think we should

go upstairs.

Are you kidding me?

We might not get to go to another

high school party for five more years.

We have an

opportunity here,

to see things no other kid in

our grade has ever seen before.

Like what?

Teenage things.

Just follow my lead,

and we'll be fine.

Hey, watch the elbows,

popcorn dude. Not cool.

That was a close one.

I didn't know you

could get up there.

You should hear my band.

We play so loud, we actually

make people's eardrums bleed.

Ew.

I mean, not really.

I think your brother likes her!

I have to go find my friend.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

Reminder! You can't call if you're dead.

Dude, this party is dying.

Look, the girls aren't into it.

Look, they want

to dance.

You don't ask them to

dance, they're gonna leave,

then you're just

gonna be that guy

who threw the lame

party with no girls.

Go ask the girls

to dance!

You ask them.

No, man. You go

ask the girls to dance.

You almost did it.

I'm not going to do it!

I've seen you dance!

I'm not doing it...

Did somebody say "dance"?

Break it down!

Rowley, no! Don't!

That kid's dead. No, wait,

man. What are you, new?

You can't mess with a chubby

kid, the girls'll freak out!

I won't call Mom.

You can kill me.

Conga...!

What is he doing?!

Who cares? I'm going to go squeeze in

next to Rachel Lewis and Amy Ramirez!

Shake, shake, shake, Senora,

Shake your body line

Shake, shake, shake, Senora,

Shake it all the time

My girl's name is Senora

I tell you, friends,

I adore her

And when she dances,

oh, brother!

She's a hurricane

in all kinds of weather

Jump in the line,

Rock your body

This is great!

I know! I wish my mom was here!

Your parents are so cool

to let you have this party!

Yeah, really cool!

And they can never know!

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