Diary Of A Wimpy Kid
RODRICK:
(WHISPERING) Greg?GREG:
(GROGGILY) Mmm.- (IN SINGSONG) Greg?
- What?
- Greg!
- Huh? What?
What are you doing? Get up!
Mom and Dad have been calling you
for an hour.
You're about to be late for
your first day of middle school.
What?
Oh, geez! How did that happen?
Go, go, go! Mom's about to flip out!
She sent me to get you
while she waits in the car!
(EXCLAIMS)
What are you doing? What's going on?
Getting ready for...
(HOOTING)
...school.
Are you insane?
School doesn't start till next week.
And, FYI, school doesn't start
at 4:
00 in the morning!You woke up Manny.
And if he doesn't go back down...
Good morning!
There is no way he is going back down.
I just wanted to sleep till 6:00.
- Bubby!
- Go to bed. I got him.
Greg, what are you doing up
making all this noise?
It was Rodrick! He woke me up!
He changed my clock!
(SNORING)
- But I swear, he was just--
- Go to bed.
What is that smell? I can't even identify it.
Bubby!
(GRUNTS)
(GIGGLING)
KIDS:
Happy Birthday!Here, Bubby.
GREG:
Wow! Look at the sizeof that flamethrower!
Okay, first of all,
let me get something straight.
This is a journal, not a diary.
Yeah, I know what it says on the cover.
But when my mom went out
to buy this thing,
I specifically told her
not to buy one that said "diary" on it.
This just proves Mom doesn't understand
anything about kids my age.
- GREG:
Huh?- Sissy!
write in this thing is because
when I'm rich and famous
I'll have better things to do
than answer people's stupid questions
all day long.
Gregory, tell us about your childhood!
Were you always so smart and handsome?
Here's my journal. Now, shoo, shoo.
SUSAN:
That's our boy up there.Why did I ever say no to him?
Mom got me this thing
so I could write down my feelings
about starting middle school.
But I'm gonna be fine.
It's my best friend, Rowley Jefferson,
I'm worried about.
He's definitely not middle school ready.
Geronimo!
(WHOOPS)
He's not quite clear
I want a puppy, a kitty,
a gumball machine...
But anyway, this is about me, not Rowley.
I always figured
they'd make a movie about my life.
But I didn't think
Because, seriously,
who wants to see a movie about a kid
with a bunch of morons?
(ALARM BUZZING)
(GROANS)
(RODRICK EXCLAIMING)
Three days, no shower. Smell the love!
Let me go, Rodrick!
(GROANS)
Come on.
We're just having some fun, right?
No, okay. So, look.
Mom asked me to give you some advice
about middle school.
It's real simple.
Don't talk to anyone. Don't look at anyone.
Don't go anywhere.
Don't sit down. Don't raise your hand.
Don't go to the bathroom.
Don't get noticed.
Don't choose the wrong locker. Don't...
Who am I kidding?
You'll be dead or homeschooled
by the end of the year, anyway.
And don't be seen with Rowley.
(EXCLAIMING)
Manny, stop it! Mom!
RODRICK:
Thanks for the eggs, Mom.- Frank?
- Greg?
I think it's gross and undignified
that I have to eat breakfast
next to him on the potty.
Okay, well, it's your fault
he's still potty training.
Don't look down, Manny.
The potty monster doesn't like it
when you look at him.
(SCREAMS)
I was just joking with him.
Okay. Kiss him you're sorry
and then let's get a move on.
Can't be late for your first day of school.
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
GREG:
Let me just say for the recordthat I think middle school may be
the dumbest idea ever invented.
You got kids like me
who haven't hit their growth spurt yet
mixed in with gorillas
who have to shave twice a day.
There's juvenile delinquents and weirdos.
I'm smaller than about
95% of the kids at my school...
CHIRAG:
Give it back! Stop!...so thank God for Chirag Gupta.
- It's mine! Stop!
- Can I have the backpack?
- You got to jump higher.
- CHIRAG:
It's not yours!He's an excellent buffer
between me and these morons.
Hey, Greg.
Hey, fella!
Seriously, I don't know what happened
to these kids over the summer.
Was there a nuclear accident?
Science experiment gone bad?
Thank God there are a few normal people
or this place would be a total freak show.
If you're as discriminating as I am,
it can be tough to figure out where to sit
on your first day of middle school.
One bad move
and you're stuck next to some idiot
for the rest of the year.
(SNIFFLING)
ROWLEY:
Greg!Remember how I said
Rowley wasn't middle school ready?
Well, there you go.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
What are you wearing?
My family just got back from Guatemala!
It's my serape!
Nice, huh?
All right, class, I'm Mrs. Flint.
Everybody take your seats!
(GROANS)
Welcome to your first day
of middle school.
Remember your seats.
You'll be sitting here every day.
Rowley, if you had to say
where you were ranked
in terms of popularity from one to 200,
where would you put yourself?
Is 200 good or bad?
I'd say you're somewhere
around the 154 mark.
I'd put myself around number 19 or 20.
I might even have a shot at the top spot
by the end of the year,
if things go the way I think they will.
Well, who's at the bottom?
Hey, guys, wanna see my secret freckle?
(BOTH GROAN)
GREG:
Fregley. Sent home for hygieneissues at least once a month.
Check it out. It's got a hair in it!
What color is that?
You wanna help me name it?
All right, ladies! Gather around!
Come on, put the knitting down! Let's go!
All right, everybody.
I'm Coach Malone
and I am your gym teacher.
P.E. Is as much a part of my life
as waking up in the morning
and going to the bathroom.
I live and breathe Physical Education.
Now, who's with me?
Are you ready to have some fun out there?
Yeah!
MALONE:
All right, outstanding!So we're gonna divide you up
into two teams.
So you two, over here.
You, you, you, this way.
Yeah, you three, this side. Good.
You guys are going to be Shirts!
And you will be Skins.
Why are we Skins? I hate this.
He's just trying to make
kids like us feel bad.
What do you mean, kids like us?
I just don't want to get a sunburn,
right, Rowley?
(IN ROBOTIC VOICE)
My name is Bell E. Button.
What's yours?
Okay, let's start off with a little game
I like to call Gladiator.
(BOYS EXCLAIMING)
- BO Y 1:
I got this one!- BO Y 2:
No!BO Y 3:
Take that!(GRUNTS)
Cover me!
Oh, God.
Not good!
We're never going to be able
to outrun these guys!
We don't have to outrun them!
We just have to outrun Chirag!
Take a look, take a look, take a look
At the kids on the street
No, they never miss a beat
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"Diary Of A Wimpy Kid" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 22 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/diary_of_a_wimpy_kid_6879>.
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