Dirty Girl

[Up-tempo song plays]

[Girl] I've heard it said

that this here...

... this here's a man's world.

And some girls, they believe it.

Primping and fussing

and holding out,

hoping a boy will look her way.

They don't know they got the power.

- [girl] As for me...

- [moans from inside car]

... I'm not that kind of girl.

I'm on top.

Which begs the question...

... if the girl's on top, well...

... who's the one getting screwed?

Hey, wait up!

So if it's a man's world,

God wouldn't have made me.

- Or that fat f***.

- [Grunting]

[Bell ringing]

OK, who can give me

an example of a good choice?

- Tonya?

- Waiting.

I mean, if a guy

really likes you, he'll wait.

And if he doesn't understand,

well, you know... so what?

Most excellent.

But hey, I know how it is.

- I was young, too.

- [Class chuckling]

- Our hormones can get the best of us.

- Hey, pass it down.

The only safe sex is no sex.

Unless you stay busy,

get some hobbies,

and practice abstinence,

you could end up asking,

"Was the momentary thrill

really worth it?"

What are some healthy alternatives?

- Tonya?

- You could have a pizza party.

[Teacher] Right on.

Who doesn't love pizza?

- [All laughing]

- Anyone else?

What are your thoughts

on the pull-out method?

You must like the time

we spend together.

It's a real hoot.

Your classmates are

impressionable, Miss Edmonston.

Your ears might be

used to that kind of talk,

but most of these kids

come from good families.

You have any positive

males in your life?

A pastor or a neighbor or an uncle...

It's none of your business.

You're an exasperating girl,

Miss Edmonston.

According to Mr. Potter,

you spoke quite explicitly

about male projectile.

- It's a sex education class.

- Lifestyle choices.

Im putting you in Challengers.

- Special Ed?

- Challengers.

- That's for retards.

- It's either that or expulsion.

Miss Pierce will give you

your new schedule.

What is there to know? It's one room

in the basement, all the time.

Danielle, you're a smart girl.

You just make bad choices.

If you'll do your homework,

and stop being a distraction to others,

you'll be back with

the normal kids in no time.

Danielle...

...nobody likes a dirty girl.

Hello, Challengers!

[Unenthusiastic] Hey.

Today we are going to start a project

that will hopefully teach us

that parenthood is no joke.

Right, Sabrina? Yeah.

Nobody's laughing at her house.

OK, everyone partner up

with someone of the opposite sex.

Two by two, like in the ark.

Who does not have a partner?

OK, Benita, why don't you

come over here near Joaquin?

And Clarke? We'll think of something.

[Rock music playing on headphones]

OK, class?

This is Danielle Edmon... Edmonston.

And she will be joining us today,

so everyone say a big hello.

[Murmuring] Hey.

OK, Danielle. We're partnering up,

so why don't you just head right

on back there with Clarke.

For the next six weeks,

you will be married to your partner

in every sense but the biblical one.

- [Music from headphones stops]

- You're that fag, right?

And these precious sacks

of flour will be your bundles of joy.

These are your daily journals.

You will record baby's first steps,

things that baby does that

are so cute you can't stand it.

OK, here is Mrs. Stork, making

a special delivery to you.

Who needs a baby?

- Takes after you.

- This is going to be so much fun.

[Bell ringing]

[Up-tempo song plays]

- What do you want?

- Uh, we're partners.

No offense, but my designated is, as

of this morning, no longer designated.

I don't know what that means.

It's Danielle's three D's of dating:

Discriminate, designate, and dump,

and since the unfortunate

dumping of Brad,

due to his lack of sanitary

respect, Im on to the next.

And quite frankly, as a dick smoker,

you don't qualify.

But we're married.

Discriminate.

Miss Hatcher says

we need to be good parents.

Designate.

Hey.

You got a light?

Hey, fellas.

- You're that girl, ain't you?

- Yep, Im that girl.

You know what I heard about you?

Don't believe everything you hear.

Unless it's really good.

Then it's true.

Well, I hear you're

with the retards now.

[Boys laughing]

[Coughing]

[Slow-tempo song plays]

[Whispering indistinctly]

Your principal called today.

I am very disappointed in you.

[Man] Now, just say

whatever comes to mind.

- Some pretty racy stuff, huh?

- Hm.

Want to know what I think?

I think those pictures scare you.

You know, Clarke, sexual feelings

aren't something to be afraid of.

What's your favorite kind of breast?

Long ones?

Pointy ones?

How do you like 'em, Clarke?

Hairy.

Hairy.

[Mouthing silently to slow-tempo song]

- Clarke!

- [Music clicks off]

Stop it! Let's go.

[Man] Roger me this, Son.

You and I had a deal, didn't we?

Seems to me you're not holding up

your end of the bargain, though,

you copy me?

Clarke? Do you copy me?

You know what that makes you?

It makes you a welcher.

The only thing worse than

being a gay is being a welcher.

- Im not no gay.

- Yeah, who am I supposed to believe?

A 15-year-old welcher,

or a qualified medical physician?

- He's a chiropractor.

- He's got experience.

What the hell did you do in there?

You think this is funny,

you little sh*t?

- Wheel!

- God, don't do that!

Don't yell at somebody

that's lost control of the car.

You're a hair's breath from getting

your ass sent away for good.

That military academy

is starting to look like

a real sweet option to me

and your mother about now.

In her spare time, Maggie enjoys

long walks by the creek,

and stopping for sodas

at Sonic and shopping.

[Hatcher] Great work,

guys, really terrific.

OK, Clarke and Danielle, you're up.

Who do you think you are?

I mean, really.

You didn't even give her an outfit.

And for everyone else,

I appreciate your effort,

and your time that you put

into realizing your children.

Because, that one

would be dead on the street

or laying under a car somewhere,

with a needle in her arm.

[Up-tempo song plays]

Hey, Mike!

Mike, get in the car.

Let's go!

Get in.

- Me?

- We got homework.

[Danielle] Don't worry

about being nice to my mom.

She's a total poon.

Danielle? Is that you?

This is Clarke. He's from school.

Sue-Ann. I'm Danielle's mom,

but you wouldn't know it to look at me.

That's a totally gross thing to say.

But people think we're

sisters all the time. Cookie?

Nobody wants one of your

sad instant cookies, Sue-Ann.

- You said you liked these.

- I said I liked the dough.

Thanks.

She's nice.

She was a total slut

when she was in high school.

Now she's with this Mormon guy,

and she thinks she's Suzy Homemaker.

Danielle, we talked about this.

You can have boys over,

but this door stays open.

We're doing homework.

Besides, Clarke here's a fag.

Ray's bringing the kids

over for dinner later.

Y'all think you're

gonna be done by then?

If you close the goddamn door and

leave us alone and let us concentrate.

If I talked to my mom that way,

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