Dirty Laundry Page #9

- Yeah.

I got a lot of orders,

you know, with, uh-

- Church picnic is next week.

- Yeah.

Could you put that soap powder

over there for me?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- You all right?

- Huh? Oh, yeah. I'm fine. I'm just fine. Ooh!

Now, you go on and get out

of here with your rusty butt.

- I can't do nothing with you botherin' me.

- Excuse me.

I can't get no work done.

Oh.

Sheldon.

Oh, baby.

[Crying]

Oh, baby.

Sheldon, baby, what you doin'?

You're supposed to be helpin' Mama.

- Come over here and get these clothespins for me.

- [Crying]

- Sheldon!

- What?

You hear me talkin' to you.

Come over here and get these clothespins!

What is wrong with you, boy?

Give it here. Give it here.

Stop all that crying.

Do you hear me? The last-

The last thing you need to be doin' is all that crying!

Now you should be a man!

I'm tellin' you, I'm gonna tear this thing up.

- Every time I turn around,

you're messin' with this stuff!

- Mama!

Just quit it!

Now do what I tell you. Go ahead.

Get me that clothes basket

like I told you to.

I'm tired of all that crying,

actin' like a little sissy.

[Man Singing]

- [Ends]

- [Shouting]

[Groans]

I have a bad feeling about this.

- This is gonna be fun.

- Oh, obviously you've never been

to a church picnic before.

Barbecued ribs, potato salad...

and a nice helping

of gossip on the side.

- Everybody seems so nice.

- This is the South. Everybody seems nice.

In New York, they spit in your face.

In the South, they smile at you,

then spit in your lemonade.

[Both Laughing]

I love what y'all did

with my cake table.

- Everybody gonna want some of Clarine's cake.

- You like that?

Hello, everybody, and welcome to the Ebenezer

family gospel picnic!

[Cheering, Applauding]

- Are you having a good time?

- Yeah!

All right. And so am I. I see cotton candy,

popcorn, balloons. Everything.

We're having a great time.

Let's thank our deaconeers for their great work.

- [Cheering]

- Yeah, yeah, Pastor!

All right. And you know we can't do this

without having a great pie-eating contest.

- These guys are gonna be

in the pie-eating contest.

- [Cheering]

You wanna taste it?

It's banana supreme.

- Tastes like cake, don't it?

- That is good.

- Oh, Lord

- [Chorus] Oh, Lord

I was burnin' down

- You watched over me

- Oh, Lord

Slowly sinking down

Well, but in my darkest hour

- You stayed with me, Lord

- Stayed with me, Lord

- Oh, Lord

- Oh, dear. Take that one.

- I know it looks bad, but take it.

- Go, boy.

Oh, Lord. Here come

Lettie and her crew.

Hold your wallets and your pocketbooks, y'all,

'cause, you know, Peanut, he steals.

Oh, Sheldon!

Mm-hmm. Saw you in church last Sunday.

Didn't get to talk.

How's everything

in your-your world?

- I'm just fine.

- So how you doing, man?

This is Jimmy Dupree,

owner and proprietor...

of Dupree's World Class

Used Automobiles and Boats.

- My newest husband.

- Oh, Lord

And these are your cousins-

Dre Dre, Trae-Trae, Peanut and Tiny.

Trae- Dre- Oh.

- Ain't they precious?

- Yeah.

- Oh!

- Precious.

- So where the drinks at?

- Over there. Way over there.

- Behind the picnic table.

- Go to the end of the block and make a left.

- Slowly sinking down

- Come on, y'all. Come on.

Well, but in my darkest hour

you stayed with me, Lord

- Stayed with me, Lord

- Lord

[Cheering, Applauding]

You want to taste

some of this darkness?

- That's right. It's good.

- That's good.

- Who wants some?

- Her.

I don't see anybody. Have you lost your mind?

You know what?

I'm gonna have to-

No, no. I don't have cake for you, honey.

I don't, but you know what?

A Fabulaxer will work really well on you, I think.

- Thank you. Good night. Have a good day.

- Hold on-

- Everybody say "uh-huh."

- [Crowd] Uh-huh!

Well, it's pie-eating time.

It's time to-

Can't be stoned-looking

and get no cake.

Did you want some, light skin?

Can I help you out?

See, that's a man.

Sheldon!

Ooh. Kelly, Beyonce,

y'all out. Bye. Sheldon!

And here to introduce them

is none other than Brother Henry Elliot!

[Cheering, Applauding]

Hey, everybody. These fellas are gonna

show you how to really eat some pie.

I don't want to leave yet.

What's wrong with you?

Nothing.

I-I just want to go home. Okay?

- Brother, what's your name?

- My name's James.

All right, James.

He look like he started already, don't he?

There's something important

I want to talk to you about.

I've been thinking

about things, and I just-

[Groans]

I need you to know.

- Well, let's talk now.

- What's your name?

- It's Julius.

- All right, Julius.

- No.

- What's your name, brother?

- It's Andrew.

- All right, Andrew.

The last thing I want to do is have

an important conversation...

at some damn church picnic

with my lover who's about to make a scene...

at some damn pie-eating contest.

[All Gasping]

[Together]

Did he say lover?

- Oh, damn it to hell!

- [Exclaiming]

- Oh, boy.

- Holy Lord.

Oh, Lordy. Gay. Gay.

I knew it, but not in my family.

Not in my family.

Not homosexual.

Oh, Lord.

Uh, is this apple or peach?

Anyone?

- Come on, girl. Come on, children.

- Come on, Gabe. Let's go.

Excuse us. Oh.

Uh, this might be the best time for us

to go to the good book.

I know you brought your Bibles,

so pull them out.

Oh, God.

These damn weeds.

Jesus. Oh.

Dinner's gon' be a while, so I brought you

some of those biscuit sandwiches you like.

No, thanks.

I'm not real hungry.

All right.

[Sighs]

You always used to come up here

when you were mad or upset...

or had a fight with somebody.

You were up here a lot.

What do you want, Mother?

I should be asking you that.

I was hoping we could talk.

Mama, I've been here for two weeks.

I'm really all talked out.

Well...

we all did a lot, talked a lot.

We did not listen a lot.

Guess that's partly my fault.

Well, we're just not

the family type.

And I think that we do better apart.

We ain't all cute and cuddly,

but that don't mean-

You know what?

I have made a decision.

I am going back

to New York City tomorrow. Okay?

Please. I don't want you

and Gabe to go.

We're not.

I am.

- So you're that kind of man.

- Mom, look at me.

Do I look like a father figure?

A child just does not fit

into my life right now.

Son, you're making a mistake.

No. A mistake would be

trying to raise a kid.

I wouldn't even know what to do.

- I am terrified that I will mess up his life just like-

- Like I messed up yours?

Look, I've made the decision.

I've already bought the tickets.

Ryan and I are leaving

tomorrow morning. Okay?

You know, you were what-

And you won this big

writing contest in school.

You remember?

It was a big deal.

They printed up your picture

in the paper.

[Sighs]

Printed up some of your writing.

Ooh, and that night, I made this big dinner

with all your favorite foods.

Eugene, he was so jealous,

'cause all he wanted...

was a fried bologna sandwich.

Later that night, after

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