Distant Voices, Still Lives Page #3

...you might have been listening to

or have just missed Beyond Our Ken...

Could you make us a Lemon Dash, Tony?

Kenneth Horne and also to Kenneth Williams,

Hugh Paddick, Betty Marsden, Bill Pertwee...

There once was a little princess

A sweet little lady, I guess

Her birthday was near

So I'd like you to hear

Of the story of the Little Princess

You dreamboat

You lovable dreamboat

The kisses you gave me

Set my dreams afloat

Maisie!

I would sail

The seven seas with you

Even if you told me to go

and paddle my own canoe

Sincerely

I love you so dearly

Say that you'll be mine for evermore

Have you come to mind the baby Doreen?

- Yeah.

- Come on then love

Brown-skin girl stay home and mind baby

Brown-skin girl, stay home and mind baby

Brown-skin girl, stay home and mind baby

Oh, I killed nobody but my husband

He's stone-cold dead in the market

He's stone-cold dead in the market

He's stone-cold dead in the market

Oh, I killed nobody but my husband

Brown-skin girl, stay home and mind baby

Brown-skin girl, stay home and mind baby

I'm going away on a Harrison boat

And if I don't come back

Stay home and mind

The baby!

Oh my what a rotten song

A rum and black, a shandy.

A Black and Tan, pint of mild,

pint of bitter.

Pint of mixed. Thanks, love.

Hello, George.

We've come to wet the baby's head.

- Hello. What's it like being a dad, eh?

- Made up.

What are you having?

When that old gang of mine

Get together

On the corner of my home town

We were friends in the past

And our friendship will last

Till the curtain of dreams comes down

When that old gang of mine

I borrow 25 pounds

from the Lehigh and Lend every Christmas

then pay it back over the next 12 months.

It's like a tontine, really.

- Royal Liver!

- Come in, Mr. Spaull.

Can I surrender the policies

on the two girls, Mr. Spaull?

Certainly, Mrs. Davies.

You've had these some time now,

haven't you?

Since they were babies.

But as they're both married now,

there's no point in keeping them on.

All right, Mrs. Davies.

I'll take them into the office for you.

Thanks, Mr. Spaull.

- Ta-nra

- See you next week.

- Tony?

- Yeah?

Im just running to confession.

Will you pay the club man for me if he comes?

OK, Mom.

...that old gang of mine

Gets together

Well, there's never a care

Or a frown

We will sing Sweet Adeline

Say goodbye to Auld Lang Syne

On the corner

Of my home town

- And how much did she weigh?

- Just over seven pounds.

- She was a big baby, wasn't she?

- Yeah.

- Did you have her at Mill Road?

- Yeah, on the 6th.

- What have you called her?

- Elaine.

Aw, God love her.

How do you like being a gran, Mrs. D?

I wouldn't be without her.

Well, she's me first. She's lovely.

- Well Maisie, I'd better be making tracks.

- Thanks for coming, Margie.

- I'll see you.

- See you, Maisie.

- See you, Mrs. D.

- Ta-ra love

You've known Margie for some years now.

Yeah we've all been mates since school.

Margie, meself and Vera Large.

- Vera's a nice girl, isn't she?

- Aw, smashing.

Maisie Davies, you dirty mare.

Oh, hi, Micky.

- Hi Mrs. D.

- You're looking well, Mick.

I know. The face that launched

a thousand ships.

- The other way.

- That's wicked, that.

Being married to you.

No wonder me poor face is destroyed.

If I'd played me cards right

I'd be in America now.

Remember that Yank I went out with, Mrs. D?

He thought I had lovely eyes.

Hated the rest of me,

but thought I had lovely eyes!

And I end up by falling for a dwarf.

There's no justice you know, is there?

Chocolate eyes

Those great big chocolate eyes!

Get your hands off my body.

You have only got one tonsil,

but I love you all the same.

Don't make mock of Mick, you bastard!

Now, you know you love

the bones of him, really.

The walking hormone? Oh, you fool!

- A Pound a man, is it?

- 'Ere Mick

Sit here.

Thanks, Dave.

- Go the match yesterday?

- Oh, you're not talking about football again?

Behave, will you?

Football mad.

Aren't they all?

Look at that thing I'm married to.

He gets more worked up over

a set of fixtures than me in me nude.

Do you know what?

If I was a centre forward, I'd be laughing.

- What are you having, blossom?

- A rum and pep, love.

- And then you.

- He should be so lucky!

Eh, Dave, will you get us some ciggies?

- Craven A?

- Or Park Drive.

OK.

- What's your poison, Red?

- A bitter, thanks, Dave.

...The League Division One

Birmingham City:
3

Manchester City:
3

Fulham:
3

West Bromwich Albion: 2

Preston North End: 2

Blackpool:
3

Everton:
2

West Ham United:
0

Leicester City:
0

Leeds United:
2

Manchester United: 3

Nottingham Forest: 1

Division Two:
Brighton...

Any luck?

No, I couldn't pick me nose.

If you want me,

I'll either be at May Tobin's or at The Grapes.

In Phythian Street?

Yeah.

Eh, Gran! Have you got a shilling

for two tanners?

There's enough money in the meter.

She never haves enough gas

and the bleedin' thing always goes.

Well...

Here you are, love. I've got one.

No.

Thanks, mom.

Isn't she an old cow?

How can you live with her, Ei?

Beggars cant be choosers, Maisie. You know

how hard it is to get a place of your own.

Did you get anything for a sarnie, love?

Yeah, I got a quarter of

corned beef and a loaf.

Oh, and four Devon Delights.

I've just made a pot of tea.

- Has she been good, Mom?

- Good as gold.

And it's Come To Daddy, striding away now

towards the line, Seascape in second place,

Bali Hai is third and these are well clear of the

remainder, All Serene running into fourth place.

But Come To Daddy is the winner. Seascape is

second, Bali Hai is third and fourth All Serene.

And so the result of the 1959 Cesarewitch

is first, Come to Daddy,

owned by Mr. TH Farr, trained by Wilfred Lyde

and ridden by Doug Smith.

Second was Seascape,

owned by Mr. Jim Jewell, trained by Jed Leader

and ridden by

claiming apprentice Ron Singer...

Were back!

- Any pea whack, Mom?

- Yeah, Ive made a pan.

- Did you back the winner?

- The donkeys I do?

It had three legs.

It's probably still running.

Your tea's in the oven, son.

- Are you going to come and have yours, mom?

- Ill be in in a minute lad.

OK, mom.

She was a girl

and the only girl her daddy ever had

A real old-fashioned girl,

with eyes so true

I could love nobody else but you

Oh-oh-oh, I want a girl

Just like the girl that married dear old dad

Did you enjoy it?

Yeah, very much.

- Come on, Les, just one drink.

- All right, just one, to wet the baby's head.

- But we're not staying here all f***ing night.

- OK, Les, OK.

...seen it on telly.

She wouldn't let us out.

- Hi.

- Hello, love.

- Hi, Les, mate.

- Having a bevvy or what?

A pint of bitter, and a gin

and orange for her.

I've got it. I've got it.

So, how's it going, Red?

Were all together again,

so here we are

Were all together again,

so here we are

And the Lord knows when

We'll be together again

We're all together again,

so here we are

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes