Distant Voices, Still Lives Page #4

I'd give the world to start all over

Back in the old routine

To live my life in fields of clover

Back in the old routine

Give me an old straw hat

and a double truckin'

Down the avenue...

Oh, Jingles, don't get so upset

Aw, come on.

No, I'm all right, honest.

It's just Les.

You know what he's like when he turns.

The bastard! For two pins,

I'd go over there and tell him.

- No, don't say anything.

- Theyre all the same

When they're not using their big stick,

they're farting. Aren't men horrible?

Eh!

Come on!

- Oh youre not going are you, Jingles?

- I think Les wants to.

But you've only been here five minutes.

Come on.

I feel like going over there

and bursting him.

I'd better go, Ei. See you, Micky.

- Never mind, girl.

- See you, Tone.

Poor Jingles.

You sit there. It's none of your business.

Don't get involved.

You callous bleeder!

That's my friend, that.

You men, you're all the bleedin' same.

Only think of yourselves.

Don't you tell me what I think.

No-one knows what's going on inside my mind.

Including you.

- Heck, heck! What's going on?

- Nothing.

- You know how she flies off the handle

for the least thing. - I don't.

I've got good cause to, you sh*t-house!

Now, come on, we don't want any upset.

OK, Mom.

OK, Nell.

We're here to enjoy ourselves.

Come on, Micky, give us a song.

Pack up all my care and woe

Here I go singing low

Bye-bye, blackbird...

Oh, cor blimey!

You're not singing again, are you, Mick?

Listen, Bloated Tonsils,

just cos you're dead miserable,

it doesn't mean the rest of us

have to look like 'Keep death off the road'.

Judy Garland. In bad health.

Oh, me arse!

I wanna be around

To pick up the pieces

When somebody breaks your heart.

Go on, Ei, I love this.

Somebody twice as smart

As I

I wanna be around

To see how she does it

When she pulls your heart to bits

To see how that puzzle fits

So fine

And that's when I'll discover

that revenge is sweet

When I'm sitting there, applauding,

from that front-row seat

When somebody breaks your heart

Like you

Like you broke mine

Ah, great. Thanks, Ei.

...'ere now take that crisis what

cropped up between Ron and Eth last Friday

And when I say 'crisis' Ted

I mean it was a real crisis,

especially as far as Eth was concerned

Oh, Ron.

I don't know

It seems to have got so much worse

these last few weeks

Somehow I just can't seem to get you

out of my mind day or night.

You've become a sort of ache

Have you got to make that noise

when you eat?

What noise?

Cor blimey!

What a future I've got to look forward to.

25 years with Mouth Almighty.

...you know it's...

It's the romantic side with us

It's the kissing and the...

You know...

I've switched the light off.

I don't know whether

I'm doing right or wrong.

...how's your precious one?

Who the bleeding hell was that?

Uncle Ted.

My dad's brother.

God blimey.

What a family I've married into.

A crowd of nutters.

He frightened the bleeding life out of me.

This is your storyteller,

The Man in Black...

Teddy! Stop acting soft.

Norah!

Hey, Norah!

All right, Moggie? How are you?

Can I have two halves of shandy, a Matise,

a Double Diamond, a pale ale and lime,

a Black and Tan, a pint of mix, a rum and pep,

a rum and blackcurrant, and a Guinness?

- Oh, and have one for yourself, love.

- Thanks Tone

Nervous, love?

But everybody feels nervous

on their wedding day.

When Johnny Dunn was 21

He used to dine at each caf

He loved the ladies, so they say

That's why he dined at each caf

His father's got, now, what has he got?

An awful lot

And that's not good for young Johnny

When he said, 'Go to work, my son'

What did he say?

Johnny said, 'I'm having too much fun'

I love the ladies,

I love the ladies

I wanna be among the girls

And when it's five o'clock

and the tea is set

I'm wanna have my tea

with some brunette

I love the ladies,

I love the ladies

I love the tall ones, short ones

Mm, God bless 'em

The world can't turn around

without a beautiful girl

Ill get 'em now

I'll get 'em now

All right, Mom.

Come on, Mick.

In just a minute.

I'll finish me drink.

Let me have your glasses please!

- Mick, come on.

Ignore him.

Come on, Kemo Sabe!

All right, Tonto!

Oh, men! Don't they mither?

- Is he still handy around the house?

- Joking, aren't you? Won't do a tap.

He changed a nappy once.

Nearly had a nervous breakdown.

- I'd better go, otherwise he'll get a cob on.

- You're not frightened of him?

Am I shite! He looks at me the wrong way,

I give him a dog's life.

Come on, now.

Let's have your glasses please!

We're on the road to anywhere

With never a heartache and never a care

We've got no home,

we've got no friends

We're grateful for everything

the good Lord sends

We're on the road to anywhere...

Eh! You're telling me.

If I was manager of that team,

I wouldn't change nothing, nothing.

- He hasn't been for three weeks.

- The man hasn't been for months.

There's room there for improvement.

There's always room for improvement.

Red? Red!

See what I mean?

Doesn't take a blind bit of notice.

It's like talking to a corpse.

Eh, soft shite!

You said you wanted to go, before.

It's worse than

the bleeding Gestapo, this is.

- I can have a talk, can't I?

- Ooh, God help us, it's alive!

- Men!

- The little dears!

So don't be a stranger,

otherwise I'll not see you till next Preston Guild.

We're only in Jubilee Drive.

You're only ten minutes away.

We'll see.

I'll try and come round.

Or maybe I could come to yours.

You're living in Vane Street, aren't you?

Oh, you'd better not, Micky.

He's funny about having visitors.

OK.

Then you try and come to me.

We'll see, kid.

Well...

I'd better get Father Feck home.

Come on, Trigger, back to the reservation.

- See you Micky

- Ta-ra, lads.

Come on, Ei.

Barney Google!

The fellow with the googly eyes

...so will I

Singing I will, if you will, so will I

Singing I will, if you will

I will, if you will...

I have had a ball!

Do you have to shout?

You'll wake the dead.

- Is that you, Eileen?

- Oh, God, blimey, you have!

Yeah, it's only me and Dave, Gran.

We'll be in in a minute.

- I want a wee.

- Oh, then do it over there and be quick.

Up a lazy river

By the old mill run

Oh, suffering Jesus!

That's all we need, you singing.

As if life isn't purgatory enough

without that.

That lazy, lazy river

In the noon-day sun

Eileen! It's late

OK, Gran, we won't be much longer.

Come on, dead hake. Hurry up.

And be quiet

A lazy, lazy river

In the noon-day sun

Eileen! Make sure that door's locked

Wouldn't this put years on you?

OK, Gran.

I'm sure I was put on this earth

just to be tormented.

Get in!

Up a lazy river...

And be careful.

How are you, love?

I fell off the bleeding scaffolding, Maisie.

Oh, George.

George.

Oh, Tony.

Oh, son!

Well... Are you ready?

Yeah.

Fighting fit.

They're dead fiddly, these, aren't they?

Yeah.

- Get the carnations from Annie Gaffney?

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