Doc Hollywood Page #2

shot, poisoned, separated from an appendage,

knocked or beaten unconscious,

run over by a tractor mower,

.. or generally about to bleed to death.

Otherwise, leave me alone.

Signed, Dr. Aurelius Edsel Hogue, M.D."

I'm in the Twilight Zone.

Zwieback and Vitamin C

in the upper cabinet if you're hungry.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

This is the best you can do?

No.

Oh good! You're awake.

Welcome to Grady. I'm Mayor Nicholson.

Boy, second I heard there's

a big city doctor here in town,

.. I left that rehearsal. I high-tailed

over here like an eight-legged dog.

See if there was anything I could do

to make you more comfortable.

Shoot, we can do better than this.

No, better than this?

Say, these your duffels?

I'm not claiming that Grady's no Paris,

France or nothing,

.. but we do got two gas stations.

Got us a Winn-Dixie,

.. got us cable TV. You like to play tennis?

We got a brand new tennis court

over to the high school.

No, you doctors play golf, though,

don't you?

I'm learning how to surf, actually.

Isn't this pretty?

We had this fixed up for a doctor. We got it

through the want-ads a couple of years ago.

Nobody's been in it for a while, though.

Mayor Nicholson.

Yeah?

I'm on my way to California.

Don't be thinking that I'm

going to be staying here.

Oh, no, no. 'Course not. Well, maybe not.

Yet you give ol' Grady a chance, she just

might sneak up on you and leave a mark..

Surprise! Welcoming committee!

I hope you're hungry.

Evening, ladies.

Ben Stone, this here is Miss Violet,

and Miss Lillian and Miss Maddie.

Ladies, this here is Ben Stone, M.D.

Fried chicken, boiled peanuts,

and sweet potato pie.

Catfish, biscuits, butter beans

and watermelon.

Hungry Man dinner. I'm a bad cook.

Well, I guess I just say adieu

and come chauffeur you in the morning.

No, wait, wait, wait! Nick, wait.

Come on. Nick,

.. you can't expect to leave me here in the

middle of nowhere with them Its getting late

Don't worry. Only one of 'em horny. And I'm

not telling you which one, though. Your face

Want a cocktail?

Anyway, the high-profile, high-profit work..

.. just makes it possible for me

to do the more important...

.. reconstructive surgery

for needier patients..

.. and get a big house on the beach.

It's just hard to believe. A man as good

looking as Dr. Stone should be married.

Well,

maybe he ain't found his Adam's rib yet, vi.

Maybe he indulges in the love

that dare not speak its name.

Lillian!

Will I go blind?

It's moonshine, right?

Well, ouzo, actually.

We took a cruise to Greece.

Not me. I wasn't invited.

It was one of those Golden Age Tours.

Sunset Tours, Vi, honey.

They ate the brains out of a goat.

Not me.

We ate dog.

I didn't eat no dog.

You don't know that you didn't.

Now, Dr. Stone, there's a legend about

friendship quilts. -That's bunk!

Folks say that the first person

to sleep under a friendship quilt..

.. will meet the one they're gonna marry.

Dream about the one they're gonna marry,

and it's bunk.

What a fine had he has.

Dr. Stone?

Oh God.

Hello.

Hi. Good morning.

Is something wrong?

Uh, no, no,

I'm a doctor.

Yeah, I know who you are.

Uh, hey, I'm sorry. Do want this?

If you're a doctor, I don't have anything

you haven't seen before.

You can blink now.

All the boys from the state legislature

come here, do their recreating.

Boy, can they litter. Yup, presidents

come here during the fishing season.

On purpose?

One look at all this, Ben-boy,

I'm sure you're saying to yourself,

"I have come to Grady at the

most beautiful time of the year. "

But boy, these dogwoods, azaleas,

when they bloomin,'

.. they can't hold a candle to the

nuclear explosion of color come fall.

Look, Nick. You're the mayor.

You have the authority to..

.. commute my sentence. Could you do that?

Look, I'll make it worth your while,

all right?

I get back to L.A.,

maybe we can work something out.

Why on earth would I want to do that?

How am I gonna convince you

to stay here if you're not here?

We need a doctor. You need patients.

Get off the interstate, Ben Stone!

Right? Huh?...

Now don't let the signs of prosperity and

urban sprawl here in downtown scare you.

We're still the same sleepy little paradise

that many big-city shrinks recommend for..

.. their patients with nervous disorders.

It's the calming effect of

Grady's natural ozones.

In fact, there's a world-class

mental hospital just up the road a ways.

That's a comforting thought.

Ben Stone. do you like coffee?

Do you like coffee? We won't go in here.

Is that him?

That's him.

He's young, huh?

Boys, this here is Ben Stone,

.. a Hollywood physician who's gonna

spend a couple few days with us.

Ben, this here is, Mortimer, John, Audrey.

Probably don't want to shake his hand.

Sorty over in the corner, there.

Sorty got a cow that sings.

'Course you remember Cotton, Miss Lillian.

Hi.

Hollywood. La-la-Land.

Beverly Hills, actually.

Hmm, whatever.

Well, William's been a movie star.

Oh Audrey.

It was just an Army training film.

Oh, come now, you were the star.

You played the leading role.

It was about V.D. I was the bacteria.

Had a big scene with penicillin.

Mmm, yes. A death scene.

Take a load off, Doctor.

This'll stop your worries.

Or start 'em.

So, Doc, what do you think of our town?

I don't know. I haven't seen all of it yet.

Oh yeah, you have.

Opportunity abounds here.

Yeah, the growth rate was up

point three percent last year.

There's no crime.

By the way, we are the county seat.

Fellas, fellas, no point in beating a dead

horse to death. That's all in the brochure.

Ben Stone.

We are prepared to offer you..

.. a permanent position as medical

practitioner supreme here..

.. in the greater Grady metropolitan area

and Squash capital of the South.

The salary's twenty-seven thousand dollars

per annum, and plus housing.

Twenty-seven thousand?

There, you see, Nick, I told you...

Hold on, ho... thirty thousand.

Look, you people don't even know me.

Well, I noticed right off that

he double knots his shoelaces.

Oh, excellent credentials.

Shows he's careful.

Anyway. don't you already have a doctor?

Oh, yeah, yeah. We got Hogue.

See, the problem with Hogue is that...

He's old.

Old and wholly unpleasant.

Point is, he's not going to be

around forever. Thirty-five thousand?

Well, yeah, but that'd take a unanimous

vote of the whole entire city council.

All in favor say "aye. "

Aye.

Unanimous.

I abstain.

You always abstain.

Look,

I appreciate your problem,

.. but, but I'm not the answer.

Now,

I got a big job interview on the West Coast.

It's very important I get down

there in the next couple of days.

Plastic surgery, you know?

The truth is well they could probably pay me

about twenty times what you could afford.

But now you know, there's a lot of

similarities between Grady and Los Angeles.

They're just bigger, is all.

What do I owe you?

Ten bucks.

Ten bucks for a cup of coffee

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