Doc Hollywood Page #3

and a couple pieces of toast?

Gotcha.

Now, Ben, I'll tell you.

Why don't you wait to make up your

mind till after the Squash festival, huh?

All I'm saying, Ben Stone, is give

Grady a chance. I bet you'll like her.

Yeah, well, nice meeting you... all. Thanks.

Well, howdy Nurse Packer. How you doing?

Doctor's lounge is down the hall.

You can change in there, and then I'll have

Lou show you around. This is your time card.

You gotta be kidding.

Local call?

I don't know anybody local.

Pay phone's in the waiting room.

Yeah, it's, no, it's a collect...

It's a collect call from Dr. Benjamin Stone.

Stone.

Hey, come on, do you mind?

This is a... personal call.

I guess so.

Mr. Stone? Mr. Stone, are you there?

Uh, yeah. Hi. Yes, this is Dr. Stone.

Actually, that's why I'm calling. Um, I, uh,

I don't think I'm going to be

able to make it on Tuesday.

No, I just, there was a,

a medical emergency, and, and, uh,

.. they don't have a doctor so I,

of course volunteered my services,

.. and I'll need to stay

until the situation stabilizes.

Yeah, medically speaking.

You're interviewing other doctors.

Uh, Friday.

Yeah, okay, Friday. I can do that. Okay.

No, thank you very much, and thank Dr. Ha...

That was better tap-dancing

than I've seen on "Star Search. "

You know, if you tell me you're here for

a physical, you're gonna make my day.

It's unprofessional

to flirt with the patients.

I'm, uh, just on my way to Beverly Hills.

Plastic surgery. Not that you need any.

Nice try. So,

is this the GQ look for young urban doctors?

Well, I've spent the last 2 years

doing 18-hour days in the E.R.

I find these are pretty comfortable.

You don't like 'em?

No.

Okay, fine. Well, I uh I really enjoyed

our time together here, but, um,

.. since you're obviously not a patient

and I'm not getting anywhere,

tell me where I can find the guy named Lou

who drives ambulance Ill get out ofyour life

I'm Lou.

Where did all these people come from?

Folks hear there's a doctor on duty

at the hospital, they come running.

Any old doctor.

Send them in.

Okay, Mr. Tidwell.

What the hell have you got on your foot?

That's a poultice.

Nurse Packer!

I got a hold to ol' Doc Hogue on the C.B...

.. and he said that that'd hold me

'till I had time to come in.

You did this on purpose?

Yes, sir.

It's chimney soot, biscuit flour and lard.

Doc Hogue said that...

You wanna wipe that crap off Mr.

Tidwell's foot, please,

.. and clean that wound out?

You allergic to penicillin?

Don't know. You'd have to ask Doc Hogue.

Doubt Doc Hogue knows

it's even been discovered.

Okay.

Nurse Packer, I'm going to

wash this with Betadine,

.. close it with a butterfly,

.. give it a sterile dressing.

Oh, you sure you ought to be

doing that so darn fast?

Well, I hope so Mr. Tidwell.

Because je suis fini.

Ol.

Okay Mrs Owens if you could please get up on

the table and put your feet in the stirrups.

We're just here about our mail.

It's from my sister. We don't read.

This ever happened to you

before, Mr. McClary?

Hell yes, it happens.

Oh, this ain't nearly the

biggest one I ever took.

I had a hook on my thigh once.

It must have been, oh, I'd say like...

Oh, excuse me. I, yeah, well.

Fishing's a dangerous business.

Well, it can be.

"And after the cow died, there just

wasn't any reason for him to go on.

Meanwhile, Ellen's got herself mixed

up with a Pakistani gentlemen..

.. who nobody can understand what he is

saying. Not even Ellen. "

No, I don't see any toxic striations.

Red streaks.

Are you sure it was a black widow?

Oh, uh, here. I kept it in some T.P.

Oh dear Lord. It's escaped.

Shoot! Oh! Oh! Oh, step on it, step on it!

Wait. There he goes, there he goes.

"She thinks Ray's having an

affair with the pastor's wife,

.. but Ray swears

it's just scrub oak rash. "

Ray is a nut. I'm telling you.

It's like a blurred spot in my vision.

Out there... no, there! No, no, there!

I'm cured.

"The pastor's wife got busted for

growing marijuana out behind the rectory.

So she'll be spending a spell up in

Tupelo at the minimum security prison. "

What? That's it?

What about Ellen and the Pakistani?

Nurse Packer? Nurse Packer?

Where's Doc Hogue?

The boy can't breathe right

and he's turning blue.

I'm the doctor here.

Nurse Packer, you gotta call Doc Hogue!

Please!

It's all right. I'm the doctor.

How long's he been like this?

All afternoon.

What's his name?

Zeb.

Hey Zeb. It's gonna be a little cold,

all right? I just want to hear your heart.

Does your tummy hurt?

Okay, why don't you take him down to the

examination room. I'll be right there.

You know where that is? Right there, okay?

All right.

Okay. Could you have Zeb get up

on the table for me? Thanks.

All right call Hogue get him here right away

He doesn't like to be disturbed after he's..

I really don't care. I'll tell you what.

Forget Hogue. What's the referral hospital?

Athens General.

Call Athens General.

Tell 'em we got a possible cardiac emergency

Call Lou, tell her to fire up the ambulance.

No, forget it. They have a helicopter,

right? Tell 'em to send the helicopter.

And get me all medical history

you have on this boy.

I think I'd better call Dr. Hogue.

Damn it!

Listen to me! Hogue is not here.

I'm here! You do it!

Okay, here's the situation.

Your son is turning blue because

he has an abnormal mitral valve.

It's causing a back flow of blood

in his heart. We may have to operate.

I'm gonna send him to Athens

General as soon as possible.

Dr Hogue said you should give the boy a Coke

What?

He says he's probably got a bellyache

and that you should give him a Coca-cola.

Listen, Doctor.

I got a boy here in cardiac crisis.

You can't treat that

with Coca-cola or Bisquick.

We're gonna have to use

real medicine this time.

Now I'm sending him to Athens General.

You're his regular f***in' doctor.

You get your fat ass out of bed,

get down here, and go with him!

How long is it going to take that

goddamn chopper to show?

It should be here any minute.

Where's Stone?

Dr. Hogue?

What the hell kind of

snot-nosed puppy doctor are you, anyway?

Wake me up out of a sound sleep, scare

these poor folks out of their skivvies!

Mitral valve regurge.

Huh?

Look, I've had a lot of experience

with it in E.R., okay?

I've even assisted in the surgery to correct

Now God only knows how long he's had this,

but I guess you overlooked it.

Now why don't you go and check his color.

Nurse Packer, get that crap off of the boy!

Gene, you gave him the bismuth subnitrate,

didn't you?

At first we thought it was the skitters.

You gave him too much, as usual!

Turned him three shades of blue.

Bismuth subnitrate?

Home-grown antacid. You hear a heart murmer?

No, it's hard to detect.

You been sampling your daddy's chaw?

That'll be sixty-five cents.

Well, nice work, Hollywood.

You're just about to crack open the chest of

a 6-year old boy to cure a case of diarrhea.

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