Doc Hollywood Page #6

Take the edge off of what?

Me.

You, uh, ran all the way over here.

Oh yeah.

I ran and walked.

I got a stitch in my side.

Why are you giving me the full court press..

.. if you're only leaving in a

couple of days, anyway?

You know, I don't know.

It's like some kind of mystical force.

Force or hormones?

Hey, hey, come on!

Um, all I wanna do is talk.

And get you sloppy drunk.

Honesty. That's a new approach.

I know.

you're forcing me into

uncharted territory here.

Hell, I might even try chastity.

It seems to have worked for Hank.

Speak of the devil.

Well, listen, um... maybe a rain check?

I never should have accepted those flowers.

What about tomorrow night?

Oh, desperation. I like this...

Still, I...

I wouldn't want the mayor to have to

lose ten bucks over me, you know.

Morning.

Funny. Funny.

Morning Doc!

That's a nice pig you got there.

Yeah, that's what they tell me.

Hey, Mr. McClary, be careful you

don't get another hook in your finger!

Don't worry Doc!

We're not using hooks today.

It's all right. All right.

He's a nice pig, Doc!

It's a she, actually.

Relax, will you?

You know, house calls are

probably my favorite part of the job.

Just driving out into the country, seeing

what might pop up around the next bend.

Rainbows, frost on the kudzu.

John Muir said it. "Most people are on the

world, not in it. " You know?

What?

Nothing.

What?

Uh, listen. You, you better let me handle

this one alone, all right? Obstetrical exam.

Okay. Sure.

"So Jimmy Joe went over to the

Pakistani's house with a shotgun... "

Excuse me. Jimmy Joe is Ellen's brother?

No, no, no. Boyfriend.

Ah! I was stumped on that, too.

"And he stayed outside shooting

holes in the fellows foreign car..

.. until Ellen came out and agreed

to come back home with him.

It's the most romantic thing

Jimmy Joe's ever done for her. "

Tough one.

How's Ellen making out

with the Pakistani man?

Get 'im! Get 'im! Come on, Bubba!

I said, I said no shots!

Sit up, please. Okay, this won't hurt.

Well, I don't see an infection.

But...

Okay, hold still.

What is that? A V-8?

He did it!

You know, house calls used to be an

essential part of every doctor's practice.

I mean, the only way you could

really get to know your patients was..

.. to see where they lived,

how they lived.

Maybe when I get to Halberstrom's,

I'll get him to institute some kind of..

.. visitation program. I mean,

literally outpatient work.

Damn it!

Lou?

Hey Lou!

Lou.

You see another one? They mark their way

with these. -Who?

'Cause they're too stupid or too drunk to

remember where they were most times.

Who?

Hunters.

Maybe this is the end of the...

Yeah, see? There it is.

That's where they sit

and wait for the slaughter.

It's not like they do it for food either.

God, it gets me so hot!

Wanna help me here?

Ah, wha-what you doin'?

I'm urinating.

You, just, uh... you just drop trou

whenever you feel like it?

Well, it scares the deer away

so the hunters won't get 'em.

I can't... Uh, why, why, why don't you just,

you know, say "boo" or somethin'?

I try to spread it around,

a little here, a little there.

Feel free to join in.

Anyway, it's not like I planned

to be pregnant at nineteen, but..

.. it could have been worse

than Wayne. Wendall Barnes.

You'd be interested in him. He comes from a

whole family that doesn't have sweat glands.

Really? I'm fascinated by the glandless.

I guess it's genetic. During the summer,

they all sleep under the house..

.. on account of the heat.

That's a touching story,

Really. Thanks for sharing that with me.

You don't see a lot of things in Grady,

but what you do see, you see a lot of.

Yeah, I'm from a small town myself.

What?

Marionville, Indiana.

Population two thousand, one hundred and

six. Home of the worlds largest steam engine

But you've been telling

everybody that you're fr...

No, no, no, no, no.

Everybody assumed I was a big-city guy.

Nobody asked.

Anyway, I got out and I'm staying out.

Have you still got your whole family there?

Well, they talked about leaving,

but my dad never quite...

They lived there, they died there.

For better, for worse.

So when I left home, I just swore

to myself I was never going back.

It's not the place, it's the person.

Be careful what you wish for, Ben Stone.

You might get it.

What's that supposed to mean?

You've never been back,

not even to see your friends?

Well, who's got time

for friends, you know?

Lou, you gotta get Doctor Stone

back here A.S.A.P. Over.

We got a possible coronary emergency.

Where the hell is Hogue when we need him?

Can't Doc Hogue handle this?

It is Hogue. Over.

Hey, lie down.

No crap. I'm doomed.

Lie down now. You're having a heart attack.

My angina's acting up, is all.

You got any nitro pills

out there in the back?

No, get a bolus of Lidocaine.

I'm the senior sawbones around here, Stone.

PVC's are too close to your T-waves. Another

30 secnds you're gonna be in serious trouble

Will you get this weanling away from me?

Listen, if I'm wrong, the Lidocaine

won't hurt you. And if you're wrong,

.. you're looking at a ventricular fib.

I'm never wrong.

Sh*t! All right!

Get that defibrillator over here.

Never wrong.

Four hundred watts.

Clear. Clear!

Heartbeat?

Sixty.

Wow. You mean he actually has one?

All right, keep him on oxygen

and set the Lidocaine drip.

Guess I'm staying here tonight.

Oh, Doctor. I've got your bed ready.

Right.

Sleep well, Doctor.

At which point all the bees,

including Melvin,

.. lunged off the edge of the stage like

lemmings. A standing ovation.

Variations on a theme.

Hey, sorry I missed it.

That's the first squash pageant

that I missed in fifteen years.

What's going on here?

It's called moral support

for the recovering patient.

Cherry cobbler, Ben?

Everybody out, let's go.

Come on, visiting hour's over.

Oh, don't mind Doc Hollywood. He doesn't

know what it means to be beloved.

So long, Doc.

If you've come to clean the room,

my bedpan's ripe...

Oh no! Not Maggie's sweet potato pie!

You can razz me all you want, Doc.

I saved your life last night.

You know it and I know it.

Gotcha.

Hi there. How you doin'?

Hello! Hi Sue Ellen!

Third one from the left.

Leon, you need to share your belly.

They're over here.

Watch that balloon, honey.

Dr. Halberstrom, please.

This is Ben Stone calling.

He's in consultation.

What's this regarding?

Well, uh, it's regarding...

I'm not gonna be able to

make my interview on Friday.

The doctor has a very tight schedule.

I realize the doctor has a tight schedule.

It's just that Im not gonna

be able to leave without..

Right, I...

Is there any way that he can reschedule

the appointment for another time?

All right. Thanks a lot.

Slow down, slow down.

Come on, follow me.

Here you go. Get hot and take a shot.

Step up, get hot and take a shot.

What's the object of this one, pal?

Ten shots a dollar.

Five bull's-eyes win a possum.

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