Doctor Who: The Infinite Quest Page #3

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My parents had a homestead here.

Then the bugs arrived and drove the people out.

I only joined up once...

-Once my parents were killed.

-Killed? Why?

Why did you attack?

So many lovely animals they had here,

so much lovely dung.

You invaded this planet for dung?

It's one of the last fertile planets in the galaxy.

If it falls, there'll be a famine

like you wouldn't believe.

Your Majesty, if I may? My job here is done.

I have supplied you

with the means to destroy your enemies.

Your contract stipulates

final payment on delivery.

Did it? Guess what, Mergrass,

I lied! There will be no payment.

Mantasphids do not make deals

with fleshy bipeds.

Typical Mantasphid.

I should've listened to the others.

-What others?

-The prisoners.

There was a Mantasphid there,

tipped me off about this war.

So I decided to do the deal.

-MARTHA:
You were in prison?

-Good grief, no.

I was a broker, a dealer.

I would get letters, gifts to the inmates,

and in return...

-You got well paid?

-Of course.

The Governor always said

that you could never trust a Mantasphid.

The governor of which prison was this?

Volag-Noc, perhaps?

Volag-Noc? Isn't that where Baltazar was?

You know of Baltazar?

(ALARM SOUNDING)

The fly ships, they're coming back!

Bugs, defend us! They'll destroy us all!

-We're going to die, too, unless we get out.

-Forget it.

-You can't get far enough away.

-Why not?

Because Earth Command

can't afford to lose this planet.

You see, they'll even sacrifice me.

Your Majesty, listen to me,

there might still be a way.

Ah, Doctor. This is a fleshy biped thing,

is it not? Never say die?

-Yeah, exactly!

-Fleshy bipeds are very stupid creatures.

But the fight goes on. We'll win this war yet!

MARTHA:
What will they do to the city?

Well, the plan was spatial disintegration

of this hundred-mile vector.

They're going to burn us out of space and time.

Kills all known bugs, dead.

MARTHA:
So we stand here

while they vaporize us?

-Mergrass, what do we do?

-You're asking me?

You are my military adviser.

You know tactics, weapons. Help us!

I'd have helped

when I thought I was getting paid.

But without this, the weapons are useless.

And without my money, you get nothing.

Mergrass? Mergrass! Come back!

We need to keep track of Mergrass.

He has the data chip we need

to continue this treasure hunt.

It is decided.

How do we surrender to the fleshy bipeds?

At last! Kelvin, have you got

a communications system?

Inside my helmet,

but it was damaged when I crashed.

We'll soon have that sorted.

Hurry! Hurry! We want to surrender!

There's no protocol for negotiation

with the Mantasphids.

-Then make one!

-I can't.

They invaded our homes, killed our families.

They are also beings that have a right to exist.

Not here, but somewhere.

MAN ON RADIO:
Hive destruction

commences in 60 seconds.

-Ooh, that's not good.

-Please, Doctor. Hurry.

Doctor! If the bugs can't surrender,

surely we can, can't we?

You are brilliant!

Pilot, tell them to open up a visual channel.

Control, this is Pilot Kelvin.

Imperative you open a visual link

to this helmet's system now. Please respond.

MAN ON RADIO:
Roger.

QUEEN:
Hurry, Doctor!

Ahoy there, ye Earth Command nobodies!

You got Doctor Vile,

pirate of the constellations

giving you a big white flag!

Fact is, me and me mad mucker Martha here...

-Arr! Arr! Arr!

-No, don't do that.

We've been ruling over these insect raiders,

held their queenie hostage!

But we has to admit, you got us beaten.

Come on in and get us. We surrender!

-That should do it.

-What have you done, Doctor?

Taken the rap for you, Queenie. Ended your war.

-They'll never believe it.

-You reckon?

MAN ON RADIO:
All units,

hive destruction canceled.

Your priority now is to apprehend male human,

codename Doctor Vile.

How can we thank you, Doctor?

Easy, work with the humans, not against them.

-Kelvin here could make a great ambassador.

-Me?

Your Majesty, the humans' farms will need power.

Light and heat are hard to come by

in an oil-starved universe.

-You're naturally phosphorescent.

-Think you can make a deal?

MARTHA:
You'll get all the dung

you could ever want!

So what's next?

We skedaddle before Kelvin's mates arrive.

Good luck, everyone.

What now? Catch up with Mergrass and go?

Oh, we've found him.

MARTHA:
No! No!

DOCTOR:
Sudden dehydration.

-Take the data chip and go.

-We can't just leave him!

-It's like Captain Kaliko all over again!

-Isn't it just?

But, Martha, we can't stay.

We're criminals, remember?

Next data chip located. It's, uh...

-It's... Ooh.

-Where? Is it bad?

Are you wearing thermals?

Come on, you.

Where are we going? Where are we, full stop?

We've now met two people

from the prison on Volag-Noc, right?

Right, but there's no prison here.

-You were saying?

-Doctor!

I thought you'd never get here!

We're visitors. Visitors, mind!

-Oi!

-This item is confiscated.

-What?

-Scanning for malfeasance.

No convictions.

No confirmation of criminal activity.

-Well, obviously.

-Scanning.

-3,005 outstanding convictions.

-That many?

-With 6,000 more...

-Doctor!

-It's an unfair cop!

-Prison cell 8447.

(YELLING)

MARTHA:
Doctor!

-The Governor will see you now.

-Oh, good. Great...I think.

Ooh, hello. You're clearly an android

and I'm your new cellmate.

(ANDROID GROANING)

-You all right?

-It hurts.

I'm the Doctor. Tell me the trouble.

-Interesting.

-You're the Governor here?

-There's been a mistake.

-We don't make mistakes on Volag-Noc.

-Safe!

-MARTHA:
But my friend's been...

-Close. You were saying?

-I...

Ah, yes, your friend.

We're still collating charges,

but he's been a very naughty boy.

Minor traffic violations, 1,400 counts.

Evading library fines, 250 counts.

-Come on, that's nothing serious.

-Planetary demolition?

-How many counts?

-Seventeen. No, eighteen.

-Ouch.

-And all dating back 3,000 years?

-Well, I'm sure he had his reasons.

-Maybe so.

These charges have been extracted

from his brain.

He knows what he's guilty of.

And they've earned him,

-let's see, two billion years in prison.

-Two billion?

He really should have taken back

those library books. Hang on, there's more.

There's something here about a Doctor Vile,

wanted for piracy.

As well as his accomplice. You!

DOCTOR:
So, Caw then said...

Did I mention Caw before?

Big, metal bird, eats gold.

Anyway, he told us that Baltazar

is after the Infinite,

the legendary starship with the power

to create your heart's desire.

You might know him. Nasty, used to live here.

We're having to chase around...

-Ow!

-Oh, sorry, sorry.

-Hang on. You've been inhibited.

-I have.

-You couldn't commit a crime if you tried!

-I could not.

Then you shouldn't be here at all.

I'm not having this.

-Thank you.

-Right, we'll have to dig our way out.

Don't suppose you have a teaspoon? I lost mine.

There is a more direct way. Now.

(RUMBLING)

-What was that?

-Warder, what's up with the lights?

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