Doctor Who The Lodger Page #8

Season #5 Episode #11

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[House]

(Sophie is leaving.)

CRAIG:
So, are you going to be taking off then? Seeing the world?

SOPHIE:
What, do you think I should?

CRAIG:
Yeah. Like the Doctor says, what's, what's keeping you here?

SOPHIE:
Yeah, exactly. What. Bye.

CRAIG:
See you.

(They hug.)

CRAIG:
See you in a bit.

SOPHIE:
Yeah.

[Doctor's room]

(The Doctor has build a serious mega-gizmo. It includes a bicycle wheel, an umbrella, a rotary clothes line, a lamp shade and the bicycle's pedals, with a rake, a broom and an oar as outriggers and the traffic cone on top.)

DOCTOR:
Right. Shield's up. Let's scan.

(He sets it spinning.)

AMY [OC]:
What are you getting?

DOCTOR:
Upstairs.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR [OC]:
No traces of high technology. Totally

[Doctor's room]

DOCTOR:
Normal? No, no, no, no, no, it can't be. It's too normal.

[Tardis]

AMY:
Only for you could too normal be a problem. You said I could be lost forever. Just go upstairs.

[Doctor's room]

DOCTOR:
Without knowing and get myself killed? Then you really are lost. If I could just get a look in there. Hold on. Use the data bank. Get me the plans of this building. I want to know its history, the layout, everything.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR [OC:
]Meanwhile, I shall recruit a spy.

[Flat]

(Craig is starting to tidy up when he decided to examine the stain more closely.)

CRAIG:
Rotmeister.

(He touches the stain and there is a hissing sound.)

CRAIG:
Ow! Ow.

[Corridor]

(Next morning, the Doctor is carrying a tray.)

DOCTOR:
Craig? Craig? Breakfast. It's normal. Craig?

[Craig's room]

DOCTOR:
Craig. Craig, Craig, Craig. I told you not to touch it. Look, what's that?

(There is a green line up the inside of Craig's forearm.)

DOCTOR:
It's an unfamiliar and obviously poisonous substance. Oh, I know what'd be really clever, I'll stick my hand in it. Come on, Craig, breathe.

(The Doctor hits Craig's chest. Craig gasps.)

DOCTOR:
Come on, Craig, breathe. Thems are healthy footballer's lungs.

[Flat]

(The Doctor runs back to the kitchenette and stuffs as many teabags as possible into the commemorative Royal Wedding teapot.)

DOCTOR:
Right, reverse the enzyme decay. Excite the tannin molecules.

[Craig's room]

(And pours the super-strong tea straight into Craig's mouth.)

CRAIG:
I've got to go to work.

DOCTOR:
On no account. You need rest. One more.

CRAIG:
It's the planning meeting. It's important.

DOCTOR:
You're important. You're going to be fine, Craig.

(The Doctor leaves him at 7.15. Craig reawakens at 14.45.

CRAIG:
What? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Call centre]

MICHAEL:
Oh, afternoon.

CRAIG:
I'm so sorry, Michael. I don't know what happened. I've got no excuse.

DOCTOR:
I think that's not what my screen is telling me, Mister Lang.

CRAIG:
What's he doing here? What are you doing here?

DOCTOR:
If that's your attitude, Mister Lang, please take your custom elsewhere.

CRAIG:
No, no, no, that's one of my best clients.

DOCTOR:
Hello, Craig. How are you feeling? Had some time to kill. I was curious. Never worked in an office. Never worked in anywhere.

(A straining ladle is twitching on the desk.)

CRAIG:
You're insane.

MICHAEL:
Leave off the Doctor. I love the Doctor. He was brilliant in the planning meeting.

CRAIG:
You went to the planning meeting?

DOCTOR:
Yes. I was your representative. We don't need Mister Lang any more. Rude Mister Lang.

SOPHIE:
Here you go, and I found some custard creams.

DOCTOR:
Sophie, my hero.

SOPHIE:
Hi, Craig. I went on the web, applied for a wildlife charity thing. They said I could always start as a volunteer straight away. Should I do it?

CRAIG:
Yeah, great. Yeah, good. Go for it.

DOCTOR:
You look awful. About turn. Bed. Now. Who next? Oh, yes. Hello, Mister Joergensen. Can you hold? I have to eat a biscuit.

[Doctor's room]

(The mega-gizmo is still spinning.)

CRAIG:
What the hell?

[House]

(A cat is coming down the stairs.)

DOCTOR:
Have you been upstairs? Yes?

[Flat]

(Craig is throwing darts when he hears the Doctor's voice.)

The Doctor [OC]:
You can do it. Show me what's up there? What's behind that door? Try to show me. Oh, but that doesn't make sense. Ever see anyone go up there? Lots of people? Good, good. What kind of people?

[Stairs]

(The cat meows.)

The Doctor:
People who never came back down. Oh, that's bad. That's very bad.

(Craig opens the door.)

The Doctor:
Oh, hello.

Craig:
I can't take this any more. I want you to go.

[Flat]

(The Doctor follows Craig into the living room. He hands The Doctor the paper bag full of money.)

Craig:
You can have this back and all.

The Doctor:
What have I done wrong.

Craig:
For a start, talking to a cat.

The Doctor:
Lots of people talk to cats.

Craig:
And everybody loves you, and you're better at football than me, and my job, and now Sophie's all oh, monkeys, monkeys, and then there's that.

[Doctor's room]

The Doctor:
It's art. A statement on modern society, Ooo, ain't modern society awful.

Craig:
Me and you, it's not going to work out. You've only been here three days. These have been the three weirdest days of my life.

The Doctor:
Your days will get a lot weirder if I go.

Craig:
It was good weird. It's not, it's bad weird. I can't do this anymore.

The Doctor:
Craig, I can't leave this place. I'm like you, I can't see the point of anywhere else. Madrid? Ha, what a dump. I have to stay.

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