Doctor Who The Lodger Page #7

Season #5 Episode #11

---

[Flat]

CRAIG:
No, Dom's in Malta. There's nobody around. Hang on a sec. We've got a match today, pub league. We're one down if you fancy it?

DOCTOR:
Pub league. A drinking competition?

CRAIG:
No, football. Play football.

DOCTOR:
Football. Football. Yes, blokes play football. I'm good at football, I think.

CRAIG:
You've saved my life. I've got somebody. Yeah, all right, I'll see you down there. Hey, Soph.

SOPHIE:
Hey, I thought I'd come early and meet your new flat mate.

DOCTOR:
Do you play, Sophie?

CRAIG:
No, Soph just stands on the sidelines. She's my mascot.

SOPHIE:
I'm your mascot? Mascot?

CRAIG; Well, yeah, not my mascot. It's a football match. I can't take a date.

SOPHIE:
I didn't say I was your date.

CRAIG:
Neither did I.

DOCTOR:
Better get dressed.

CRAIG:
The spare kit's just in the bottom drawer.

DOCTOR:
Bit of a mess.

(The Doctor goes into his room and shuts the door.)

CRAIG:
What do you think?

SOPHIE:
You didn't say he was gorgeous.

(The Doctor puts his head out of his room.)

CRAIG:
You unlocked the door. How did you do that? Those are your keys. You must have left them last time you came here.

SOPHIE:
Yeah, but I. How do you know these are my keys?

CRAIG:
I've been holding them.

SOPHIE:
I have got another set.

DOCTOR:
You've got two sets of keys to someone else's house?

SOPHIE:
Yeah?

DOCTOR:
I see. You must like it here too.

[Doctor's room]

(Putting on the number 11 shirt back to front.)

DOCTOR:
So, I'm going out. If I hang about the house all the time, him upstairs might get suspicious and notice me.

[Tardis]

AMY:
Football. Okay, well done. That is normal.

DOCTOR [OC]:
Yeah, football. All outdoorsy.

[Doctor's room]

DOCTOR:
Now, football's the one with the sticks, isn't it?

[Park]

CRAIG:
What are you actually called? What's your proper name?

DOCTOR:
Just call me the Doctor.

SOPHIE:
Yeah.

CRAIG:
I can't go up to these guys and say hey, this is my new flat mate, he's called the Doctor.

DOCTOR:
Why not?

CRAIG:
Because it's weird.

(They get to the pitch.)

SEAN:
All right, Craig. Soph. All right, mate.

DOCTOR:
Hello, I'm Craig's new flat mate. I'm called the Doctor.

(Air kisses not well received.)

SEAN:
All right, Doctor. I'm Sean. So, where are you strongest?

DOCTOR:
Arms.

CRAIG:
No, he means what position on the field.

DOCTOR:
Not sure. The front? The side? Below.

SEAN:
Are you any good though?

DOCTOR:
Let's find out.

(The game is underway.)

WOMAN:
Yeah, we're going to win.

(The Doctor is very nimble, dodging other players whilst dribbling the ball.)

SOPHIE:
That's not bad. Yes! Go!

CRAIG:
One two. One two.

(But he doesn't pass to Craig.)

SOPHIE:
Go on, Doctor! Go on, Doctor!

(Goal!)

SOPHIE:
Doctor! Doctor! You're brilliant. You're amazing.

PLAYER:
Come on, Craig. Catch up, mate.

SOPHIE:
Come on, Craig. Show them what you've got.

(Craig is about to take the kick when the Doctor steals it from him and scores again to general rejoicing.)

DOCTOR:
Oh yes, I love this game.

SPECTATORS:
Doctor! Doctor! Doctor! Doctor!

(More goals and Craig gets more annoyed.)

[Aickman Road]

(A woman is passing by when she hears a girl's voice coming from the intercom.)

GIRL [OC]:
Please can you help me? Can you help me, please? Can you help me?

SANDRA:
Hello?

(The door unlocks and she goes inside.)

[House]

(A little girl is standing at the top of the stairs, holding a doll.)

GIRL:
I've lost my mum and I don't know where she is. Please can you help me?

SANDRA:
Help you? You poor thing. What's happened?

GIRL:
Can you help me find her?

(Sandra goes up the stairs.)

[Park]

SEAN:
You are so on the team. Next week we've got the Crown and Anchor. We're going to annihilate them.

DOCTOR:
Annihilate? No. No violence, do you understand me? Not while I'm around. Not today, not ever. I'm the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm, and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn't you?

SEAN:
Yeah.

DOCTOR:
Lovely. What sort of time?

(Craig opens a can of drink and gets sprayed with the foam. Then it repeats again and again. Only the Doctor is unaffected. He runs.)

DOCTOR:
Amy?

[Tardis]

DOCTOR [OC]:
Amy?

AMY:
It's happening again. Worse.

[Park]

DOCTOR:
What does the scanner say?

[Tardis]

AMY:
A lot of nines. Is it good that they're nines? Tell me it's good that they're all nines.

[Park]

DOCTOR:
Yes, yes, it's, it's good. Zigzag plotter. Zigzag plotter, Amy.

(She fiddles with the lever. There is a bang and Amy is thrown to the floor. She screams.)

[Park]

DOCTOR:
Amy? Are you there?

[Tardis]

DOCTOR [OC]:
Amy?

AMY:
Yes. Hello.

[Park]

DOCTOR:
Oh, thank heavens. I thought for a moment the Tardis had been flung off into the vortex

[Tardis]

DOCTOR [OC]:
With you inside it, lost forever.

AMY:
What, you mean that could actually happen?

[Park]

AMY [OC]:
You have got to get me out of here.

DOCTOR:
How are the numbers?

[Tardis]

AMY:
All fives.

[Park]

(The time loop has stopped.)

DOCTOR:
Fives? Even better.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR [OC]:
Still, it means the effect's almost unbelievably powerful and dangerous, but don't worry.

[Park]

DOCTOR:
Hang on, okay?

[Tardis]

AMY:
Hey.

DOCTOR [OC]:
I've got some rewiring to do.

AMY:
Hang on.

[Flat]

(Craig knocks on the Doctor's door. He answers holding a traffic cone.)

DOCTOR:
Hello, flat mate.

CRAIG:
Hey, man. Er, listen. Er, Sophie's coming round tonight and I was wondering if you could give us some space?

DOCTOR:
Oh, don't mind me. You won't even know I'm here.

(Bang upstairs.)

DOCTOR:
That's the idea.

(He shuts the door.)

DOCTOR [OC]:
Yes, perfect! What a beauty.

(Meanwhile, in the kitchen diner with the stain on the ceiling.)

SOPHIE:
That's got bigger.

CRAIG:
Oh, yeah.

SOPHIE:
Are we going out?

CRAIG:
I've had a bit of a weird day. Can we do pizza booze telly?

SOPHIE:
Great, love it. Wait. No Melina, no crises, no interruptions.

(Sophie turns off her mobile phone.)

CRAIG:
Great. Excellent. Er, Soph. I've, I think.

SOPHIE:
Where's this going?

CRAIG:
I think that we should

SOPHIE:
Mmm?

(The Doctor pops up behind the sofa.)

DOCTOR:
Hello.

CRAIG:
What?

DOCTOR:
Whoops. Sorry. Don't worry, I wasn't listening. In a world of my own down there.

CRAIG:
I thought you were going out?

DOCTOR:
Just re-connecting all the electrics. It's a real mess. Where's the on switch for this?

(A normal screwdriver.)

CRAIG:
He really is just on his way out.

SOPHIE:
No, I don't mind. I mean, if you don't mind.

CRAIG:
I don't mind. Why would I mind?

SOPHIE:
Then stay. Have a drink with us.

DOCTOR:
What? Do I have to stay now?

CRAIG:
Do you want to stay?

DOCTOR:
I don't mind.

SOPHIE:
Okay.

CRAIG:
Great.

(A little later, the Doctor is still working on the wiring loom around his neck.)

SOPHIE:
Because life can seem pointless, you know, Doctor. Work, weekend, work, weekend. And there's six billion people on the planet doing pretty much the same.

DOCTOR:
Six billion people. Watching you two at work, I'm starting to wonder where they all come from.

SOPHIE:
Huh? What do you mean by that?

DOCTOR:
So then, the call centre. That's no good, then. What do you really want to do?

SOPHIE:
Don't laugh. I only ever told Craig about it. I want to work looking after animals. Maybe abroad? I saw this orangutan sanctuary on telly.

DOCTOR:
What's stopping you?

CRAIG:
She can't. You need loads of qualifications.

SOPHIE:
Yeah, true. Plus it's scary. Everyone I know lives round here. Like, Craig got offered a job in London. Better money. He didn't take it.

CRAIG:
What's wrong with staying here? I can't see the point of London.

DOCTOR:
Well, perhaps that's you, then. Perhaps you'll just have to stay here, secure and a little bit miserable, till the day you drop. Better than trying and failing, eh?

SOPHIE:
You think I'd fail?

DOCTOR:
Everybody's got dreams, Sophie. Very few are going to achieve them, so why pretend?

(The Doctor tries the wine and lets it pour back into the glass from his mouth.)

DOCTOR:
Perhaps, in the whole wide universe, a call centre about is where you should be.

SOPHIE:
Why are you saying that? That's horrible.

DOCTOR:
Is it true?

SOPHIE:
Of course it's not true. I'm not staying in a call centre all my life. I can do anything I want.

(The Doctor smiles.)

SOPHIE:
Oh, yeah. Right. Oh, my God. Did you see what he just did?

CRAIG:
No, sorry, what's happening? Are you going to live with monkeys now?

DOCTOR:
It's a big old world, Sophie. Work out what's really keeping you here, eh?

SOPHIE:
I don't know. I don't know.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes