Dogma Page #13

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BFTRANY:

(rubbing her temples)

Two thirds of me wants to forget about this and go home. You know,

yesterday I wasn't sure God even existed. And now I'm upto my ass in

Christian Mythology.

RUFUS:

God hates it when it's referred to as Mythology.

BFTHANY:

Well then let's ask the quote, unquote 'prophets' what we should call it

instead.

(looking OC; concerned)

Now where did those two a**holes go?

INT STRIP JOINT:

It's your typical strip club. One woman on a stage and a crowd of men

paying way-too-much attention. The place is dimly lit with red lights and

chock full of smoke. Off to one side, a dee-jay spins records, blasting the

music. The crowd is rather thin.

Jay and Silent Bob sit at the stage. their eyes glued on...

The DANCER - a gorgeous, shapely vixen with very little clothing on, and

growing littler by the second.

Jay pokes Silent Bob, who produces a wad of bills. They skim off a nice

pile and stow the rest. They spread their piles neatly on the bar. The

Dancer smiles and starts dancing toward them. Jay holds up a five-spot and

performs his own little seductive dance ~th it. He stands at the edge of

the stage, ~'rating. The Dancer slinks over and Jay stuffs the five in her

G-string. She rubs his head and slinks away. Jay humps Silent Bob's chair,

excitedly. Bethany and Rufus come up from behind them. Bethany hits Jay.

BETHANY:

(shouting above the music)

What are you doing?

JAY:

Proving to this bastard that I ain't gay.

BETHANY:

What?

RUFUS:

Long story - forget it. But we should get moving. How can we get to New

Jersey?

BETHANY:

I had a car.

She slaps Jay upside the head, but - riveted by the Dancer - he doesn't

feel it.

BETHANY:

(to Rufus)

We could go by train.

RUFUS:

(looking OC)

Sounds cool.

BETHANY:

There's a phone out there. I'll call for reservations.

Rufus is now also riveted by a table dancer off to the side.

BETHANY:

No, it's okay. I can handle it.

Rufus half-nods. Bethany shakes her head and exits.

The Dancer gyrates on the stage, revealing more and more of herself.

Jay pounds on the stage, hoots, and dances, flashing more bills.

ACROSS THE STAGE a small GANG of bandanna-wearing, angry-looking blacks

watch the OC Jay with little amusement. The Dancer dances toward them.

JAY:

(banging on stage)

Sweet thing!

(Hashes another five)

Look what I found! Snoog!

The Dancer smiles as she approaches Jay, but is interrupted by more

banging.

The GANG LEADER has his foot on the stage. He produces a ten dollar bill

from his jacket and casually holds it up. The other three members of his

posse smile and slap hands.

The Dancer shrugs at the shocked Jay and changes direction, heading toward

the Gang. Jay casts a horrified look at Silent Bob.

The Gang Leader leans forward, preparing to tip when we hear an obnoxiously

loud throat~learing.

Jay holds aloft a twenty, smiling and nodding.

The Dancer shrugs at the Gang Leader and again switches direction. The Gang

Leader looks at his posse, who shake their heads at him, disappointedly.

The Stage becomes a bidding table, as - on one side - the Gang Leader

produces two twenties. On the other side, jay - staring at the Gang Leader

- produces three twenties. The Gang Leader hits his posse up for more cash.

Jay hits Silent Bob up for more cash. The Dancer stays in the middle,

gyrating and sizing up the best offer.

Jay then produces the creme'de Ia creme': three hundred dollar bills. He

sneers at the OC Gang Leader. The Dancer heads over to jay and wraps her

legs around him from the stage, gyrating against his groin. Jay stares at

the Gang Leader, a victorious smirk on his face.

The Gang Leader shakes his head angrily and jumps out of his seat,

producing a gun from his jacket. He fires into the ceiling. The music

scratches to a halt and the other viewers scatter toward the door. The Gang

Leader points his piece at Jay, his posse backing him up.

GANG LEADER:

You a smart ass, ain'tcha, white boy? Come in here and ruin my good time.

JAY:

It's a free country. The b*tch just came to the man with the most.

DANCER:

B*tch?

JAY:

No offense, baby.

GANG LEADER:

The b*tch is gonna be leaving with the man with the most - the man with the

most led in his piece. While you and tubby are leaving with the most led in

your dead f***ing carcasses, know what I'm sayin?

JAY:

(to Dancer)

Step to the side, baby. I've gotta slap this pussyass, Nino Brown wanna-be

down.

DANCER:

(to Gang Leader)

Come on, Kane. This isn't necessary.

GANG LEADER:

Shut the f*** up and back away from the midget!

The Dancer moves to the side.

GANG LEADER:

(to Jay)

Now I believe you were about to apologize. I believe you were about to

intone some pleas for mercy. You were about to say "Please, Mister Kane, I

didn't mean to disrespect you in your club. Please accept my most humble

apology.

Bethany comes back and sees the mess. She moves to rush to Jay's side, but

Rufus holds her back An OC Jay laughs.

Jay leans on Silent Bob, laughing. The Gang stares back, angrily.

JAY:

You want an apology?

GANG LEADER:

(c*cks gun)

Give me at least one "I'm sorry," and ltll put a kill shot through that

thick f***ing skull of your's. Otherwise we go slow and long in the pain

dispensation.

JAY:

(beat; zips jacket closed)

Know what I'm doing?

GANG LEADER:

No. What you doing?

JAY:

I'm closing my jacket, so that when we start this up, I don't get your

filthy f***ing brain guts all over my shirt. You know why?

GANG LEADER:

Why?

JAY:

Because you can't get sh*t stains out of flannel. What I'm saying is that

you got sh*t for brains.

The Gang Leader and his posse stare silently for a moment.

GANG LEADER:

Well I appreciate you breaking that down for me, but I got it without the

explanation.

JAY:

No. No, I don't think you did get it. See, there's gonna he some nine's

firing in here, and when the bullets stop flyin', your c*nt-lip ass is

gonna be all holes and smoke. You think you can draw on me and walk away?

F*** that. And f*** you - you punk-ass monkey b*tch! Yeah, I called you a

monkey! Maybe if you kiss my dick all nice before I cap you, I'll bring a

coconut to your funeral and lay it on your grave; stick a straw through it

and stick the other end in the ground. Your lips'll reach.

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