Dogma Page #22

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EXT TRAIN TRACKS - NIGHT

The train rushes over head.

INT LOUNGE CAR - LATER

Loki, Jay, and Silent Bob pass a joint under the table and take quick hits,

trying to remain casual. Jay pounds the table happily.

Bartleby and Bethany lay on either side of the table in their booth.

BETHANY:

You can smoke up with them if you want. You don't have to keep me company.

BARTLEBY:

It's a long trip. There'll be plenty of time later.

(beat)

So why are you heading to Jersey?

BETRANY:

There's just this thing there I'm supposed to do. How about you?

BARTLEBY:

We're going home.

BETHANY:

Do you two live together?

BARTLEBY:

Unfortunately. Do you live with those guys?

B ETHANY:

God, no. Not they just sort of adopted me.

BARTLEBY:

They're funny as hell. The big one never says a word.

BETHANY:

I wish the little one would take a cue from him. But they're okay, as far

as stoner's go.

BARTLEBY:

Lo... Larry's taken an immediate shine to them, and he usually hates

people.

BETIIANY:

How long've you two been together?

BARTLEBY:

Awhile. He's great company. He can be a little flaky sometimes, but we've

got a lot in common.

BETHANY:

How'd you meet?

BARTLEBY:

We were stationed together.

BETHANY:

See? That's beautiful. And everyone's always up-in-arms about this

'out-in-the-military' issue.

BARTLEBY:

What do you mean?

BETHANY:

Well there's all that macho bullshit about it being 'This Man's Army'. And

you two meet and hook up while in the service, which is so special -

because it's so hard to meet anyone you can seriously relate to...

BARTLEBY:

(catches on)

You think we're lovers?! Oh no. No, we're not gay.

BETHANY:

(laughs)

Oh God, I'm sorry'. I just assumed...

BARTLEBY:

No. We live together and all, but at the end of the night, I go to my room.

and he goes to his.

(beat)

Why? Do I come off as gay?

BETHANY:

(laughing)

No, not at all. I'm sorry. My ex-husband kind of fouled up my relationship

awareness barometer.

BARTLEBY:

You're divorced?

BETHANY:

That's the nice way of putting it. I consider it being dumped.

BARTLEBY:

I was dumped once. More or less.

BETHANY:

It's terrible, isn't it? Don't you constantly question your value - like

why was I so easy to cast aside? Didn't I have merit?

BARTLEBY:

And you wonder if the other party's going to come to their senses and call

you back.

BETIIANY:

The worst is that I still think like a couple. After all these years, I

still have the 'we' mentality.

BARTLEBY:

Mine grew out of what was really a stupid misunderstanding. A

misunderstanding that grew into a total withdrawl of communication.

Abandonment. And even though it was years ago, there's not a day that goes

by that I don't wonder what went wrong. And then it hits me - I was

replaced by someone. A lot of someones.

BET HANY:

And they always tell you it'll hurt less with time...

BARTLEBY:

...when actually, it hurts more.

BETHANY:

(beat)

You know what we need? We need some drinks. A lot of drinks. Do you agree?

BARTLEBY:

Whole-heartedly.

INT TRAIN CAR - NIGHT

Rufus continues to slumber.

INT LOUNGE CAR - NIGHT

Jay is asleep on Silent Bob's shoulder, drooling slightly. Loki talks with

Silent Bob.

LOKI:

I'm telling you, man - it's all about organized religion and society's

battle against it. The Rebels are fighting the Empire, right? Now the

Empire is led by whom? Darth Vader? No. It's led by the Emperor. And the

Emperor is a practitioner of the Force, albeit the Dark Side of the Force.

And the Force is basically a religion.

(Silent Bob nods)

So the entire galaxy is under Imperial rule, and the Imperial government is

run by this old religion. What you have, then, is a theocratic government -

a government run by the church. So Luke, Han, and Leia are fighting that

government to liberate the galaxy from the pious grip of what is, in

essence, holy mother church.

Silent Bob nods in understanding.

Bethany and Bartleby slump in their booth, the table loaded with empty

glasses. Bethany is quite tipsy. Bartleby sips his drinks, and

surreptitiously spits it out.

BARTLEBY:

You're saying you still go to church?

BETHANY:

(laughs)

Every Sunday.

BARTLEBY:

Does it do anything for you?

BETHANY:

(thinks)

Gives me time to balance my check book every week.

BARTLEBY:

See? That's what I'm talking about. People don't go to church and feel

spiritual. They go to church and feel bored. But they keep going. Every

week. Out of habit.

BETHANY:

Or in habit, if you're a nun.

BARTLEBY:

Oh... that wasn't very funny at all.

BETHANY:

A friend of mine told me that church is like bad sex:it's messy and there's

no foreplay...

(starts laughing)

No. that's not it. I am so buzzed.

BARTLEBY:

When do you think you lost your faith?

BETHANY:

I remember the exact moment. I was on the phone with my mother, and she was

trying to counsel me through what was happening to me and my marriage. And

she said something like "There's always a plan." And I... just got so

angry. I mean, I know she was talking about God, right - God had a plan.

But I was like "What about my plans?" You know? Like, don't they count for

anything? I had planned to grow old with my husband and have a family -

wasn't that plan good enough for God?

(beat)

Apparently not.

(swigs her drink)

How about you? When did you lose your faith?

BARTLEBY:

Me? Years ago. One day, God just stopped listening. I kept talking, but I

got the distinct impression that He wasn't listening anymore.

BETHANY:

She. And how do you know She was listening in the first place?

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