Dogma Page #23

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BARTLEBY:

(thinks)

I guess I don't.

BETHANY:

I hate thoughts like that. But they occur to you with age. When you're a

kid, you never question the whole faith thing - God's in Heaven, and

He's... She's always got her eye on you. I'd give anything to feel that way

again. Which is why I guess I let myself get talked into this pilgrimage. I

needed proof. And the opportunity presented itself to find out if it is

like they told us in Catholic school. And I gotta tell you - the last few

days, I've come across some interesting people that lend toward convincing

me.

BARTLEBY:

Where's this pilgrimage to?

INT TRAIN CAR - NIGHT

Rufus stirs. He looks around and stretches.

INT LOUNGE CAR - NIGHT

Bethany and Bartleby continue their discussion.

BETHANY:

You'd never believe me if I told you.

BARTLEBY:

Try me.

BETHANY:

Alright. But I warned you. Okay - I'm going to this church in New Jersey.

BARTLEBY:

Really...

INT TRAIN CAR - NIGHT

Rufus heads toward the back of the car. He opens the door between the cars

and exits.

INT LOUNGE CAR - NIGHT

Bethany and Bartleby talk further. Bartleby's intrigued.

BETHANY:

I was told that I'm supposed to stop a couple of angels from entering the

church. They're trying...

(laughing)

This sounds so stupid... They're trying to get back into Heaven.

INT TRAIN CAR - NIGHT

Rufus passes through another car and opens the door at the end.

INT LOUNGE CAR - NIGHT

Bartleby grows very tense. Bethany rattles on, half-toasted.

BETHANY:

See, they got tossed out of Heaven years ago, right? And if they get back

in, it proves God wrong. And since God is infallible, to prove Her wrong

would...

(laughing hard)

..would unmake existence! I feel so stupid just saying it.

Bartleby's eyes are wide. He looks scared. Then, a calm falls over him.

BETRANY:

(laughing)

But the thing I don't get... is how do I stop an angel? Two, even! I guess

I'm supposed to talk them out of it or something.

Bartleby surreptitiously slides a knife off the table.

BARTLEBY:

Maybe you're supposed to kill them?

Bethany breaks into hysterics.

INT TRAIN CAR - NIGHT

Rufus pulls open another door and exits.

INT LOUNGE CAR - NIGHT

Bethany's still cracking up, oblivious to the on-the-defensive Bartleby.

BETHANY:

Oh yeah! Kill them! Even if that was the case... I mean. how do you kill an

angel?

BARTLEBY:

I don't imagine it's much different...

(slowly lifts the knife)

...from killing a human...

The door behind them slides open. Rufus steps in.

RUFUS:

Where the hell is everybody? I wake up, and...

He sees Bartleby. They both freeze.

BARTLEBY:

The Apostle!

RUFUS:

Holy sh*t!

BETHANY:

(stumbling to her feet)

Rufus, I want you to meet my friend, Barry...

Bartleby leaps out of the booth and grabs Bethany, holding the knife to her

throat.

BETHANY:

(chuckiing)

Barry! Don't be such a show off!

RUFUS:

Take it easy, Bartleby. Just let her go and let's talk about this.

BARTLEBY:

After all this time, this is what it comes down to -slaughtered by this

meat puppet?!

RUFUS:

There doesn't have to be a slaughter. We can work this out...

BETHANY:

Is that a knife?

BARTLEBY:

Oh. we can work it out, alright. I'm going to work the blade in and out of

her thorax!

(calling over shoulder)

Loki!

Loki catches the action and reacts.

LOKI:

Holy sh*t - the Apostle!

He leaps from the table. Jay stirs and wakes up.

jAY

(half asleep)

I didn't come in you, I swear...

(looks around)

Bartleby, with Bethany in hand, faces off against Rufus. Loki joins them.

LOKI:

(to Rufus)

What are you doing here?

BARTLEBY:

They're here to thwart our journey home, my friend. This one just told me

that she's supposed to stop a couple of angels from entering a church.

LOKI:

You think she was talking about us?

BARTLEBY:

I'd say there was a pretty good chance. What do you say, Rufus - we're to

be liquidated?

RUFUS:

It doesn't have to go down like that! You haven't thought about the

consequences of re-entry!

LOKI:

Consequences, schmonsequences.

BARTLEBY:

I have to agree with him. No one - not you, and especially not this

finite-lifer - no one is going to impede us. We're going home, regardless

of whose pride it may hurt!

RUFUS:

It's not a question of pride, it's...

BARTLEBY:

Loki - kill the girl

LOKI:

(beat)

What are you, high?

BARTLEBY:

Do it!

LOKI:

I can't kill her if she hasn't done anything, you know that. And it looks

like she's 'on the job', so to speak...

BARTLEBY:

Fine! I'll kill her myself...

A hand lands on Bartleby's shoulder.

JAY:

(oblivious to the situation)

Hey man - now it's your turn. We got enough for a fatty boom-batty, biggety

blunt!

Bartleby turns the knife on him.

JAY:

(not quite getting it yet)

We having cake or something?

Loki backhands Jay, stunning him.

JAY:

(dazed)

In grates...

Jay drops to the floor, out cold. Silent Bob grabs Loki and hurls him down

the aisle. Rufus grabs Bartleby's knife hand. They struggle. Bethany

collapses.

RUFUS:

TUBBY! THE DOOR!

Silent Bob jumps over Loki and opens the back door of the car. He grabs

Loki by the collar.

LOKI:

Wait, man! Can't we talk about this?!

He throws Loki out the door, off the train.

Rufus squeezes Bartleby's hand. Bartleby drops the knife and punches Rufus

in the face. Bethany jumps on Bartleby's back, covering his eyes. They

careen down the aisle, toward Silent Bob. He pulls Bethany off Bartleby's

back and kicks him out the back door, off the train. He quickly slams the

door closed and leans against it.

The Bartender stares at him.

Silent Bob brushes off his coat and thumbs toward the door.

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