Don Verdean Page #2

taken by his story.

Oh, yes, but I fear he's

leadin' them down the wrong path.

You see,

he holds them with...

with a fear of the occult.

That's how he keeps his numbers up,

and that is not a good foundation.

And right now, Don, people need

a good foundation more than ever.

You got that right.

False prophets aside,

there are some evil factions

"withinside" the scientific community

that are dead-set upon

destroyin' the truth.

You know, the other day I

was walkin' down the street

and this man told me... he said,

"Did you know that we have

evolved from protozoas?"

Do you know what a protozoa is?

No, I do not.

It's a God dong sea monkey.

- Say what?

- Can you imagine that?

Lookin' around at the loved ones...

at your mother, at your

father, at your beautiful wife,

and sayin', "You're a sea monkey."

You belong on the bookshelf of a child

that's going to neglect you

and watch you swim around for a few days

and then end up falling to the bottom

"of the sea monkey aquarium

and turning into dust."

Holy Ghost power. That's awful.

Did you evolve from that, Don?

Now, you see, these

younger generations, Don,

they need proof. Okay?

They need hard evidence

in these dark, dark, times.

And I believe that the

Lord has been preparing you.

The Lord wants you to be His...

His instrument in this great work.

Now, what I'm proposing, Don,

is that you allow us

to participate with you in this great work

by letting us bankroll

all your future digs and projects.

( CHURCH BELL TOLLING )

I honestly don't know what to say.

Any artifact you would find, you would...

you would bring it here and we'd

present it to our congregation.

And we'd put it on display for

the whole world to see His truth.

It'd be like a little museum of

sorts here at the Lazarus Fellowship.

JOYLINDA:
It would

be like a Holy Land

set in the good ol', U.S. of A.

Right here, where it

should be. Not over there.

Well, Tony, I think it's very clear to me

that the hand of... Providence

has... brought us to this juncture.

I-I think it's fair to say this

might be a match made in heaven.

TONY:
Oh, I was hopin'

you were gonna say that.

Don, we have been prayin'

so long and hard for this,

and we would love nothin' more than

to begin this adventure immediately.

Well, today's your lucky day.

I believe I have a solid lead

on the location of Lot's wife.

- ( MURMURING )

- You gotta be kiddin' me.

( BRIEFCASE CLICKS OPEN )

DON:
Two weeks ago my sources

inside Israel sent me this.

Approximately three furlongs to the south

of where I discovered the sulfuric

remains of Sodom and Gomorrah.

( TONY SIGHS )

This is incredible.

Have the Israelis tested

this for salt content?

The sample taken to the lab

indicated that this structure

was made up of 97% sodium chloride.

I was told that's the purest

salt they've ever tested.

( SIGHS )

I don't know what to say.

I mean, Don, you've

actually found Lot's wife.

( JOYLINDA CRYING )

- ( JOYLINDA HYPERVENTILATING )

- It's all right, sweetheart.

( JOYLINDA CRYING )

When can we bring her here?

- ( THUNDER RUMBLES )

- ( PHONE LINE RINGING )

( MAN ON PHONE SPEAKING HEBREW )

Hi, shalom, Boaz?

- It's Don Verdean.

- ( ANIMAL BELLOWING )

I can... I can barely hear you.

- ( ANIMAL BELLOWS )

- Boaz, it's Don Verdean

from America. How are ya?

Shem, sheket. Sheket!

DON ON PHONE:
Shalom

from... can you hear me?

No, tell the camel, "Shut up."

The camel keep talking.

Boaz, it's Don Verdean from America.

- How are ya?

- Hello, Don.

- Ah, yes, it's me, Boaz.

- ( CAMEL BELLOWING )

Uh, what's up, man?

Well, uh, good news. You

remember that pillar of salt

you and your brother found out

in the desert two weeks ago?

- ( CAMEL BELLOWS )

- Well, I need you to ship it to me.

- ( CAMEL BELLOWS )

- I can wire you the money tonight.

- BOAZ:
Oh, yeah, yeah, that thing.

- DON:
Yeah, about that.

That's not there anymore.

DON:
Uh, I'm sorry, say that again?

I said, "That is not there anymore."

What do you mean, "It's not there anymore"?

- Where'd it go?

- Me and Shem were out there today,

and we're looking and we're looking,

- but, uh, we don't see her.

- ( CAMEL BELLOWS )

Well, are you sure you're

looking in the right place?

No?

- Uh, say what?

- Uh, maybe.

Now come on, Boaz!

I mean, this could be

the find of the century.

I mean, we're talkin'

about Lot's wife here.

There are a lot of

rocks out there, Don.

They all look the same. How

do I know which one is the one?

Well, it can't be that hard.

We need the one with breasts.

Oh, the breasts. Okay, that one. ( LAUGHS )

- Oh, yeah.

- There's one big white rock,

and it has breasts on it.

- ( CAMEL BELLOWS )

- All right. Chill out, sababa.

- It's cool.

- No, it's not cool!

Okay? Get the Marines, get the Taliban,

get the Mormon Tabernacle

Choir, if you have to,

but find the pillar of salt!

Now, don't you be facetious, Don.

Don't screw this up, Boaz.

You get her on a plane tomorrow.

There are countless souls whose

very salvation is at stake here.

You do not want their blood on your hands.

- Do you want to go to hell?

- No.

- Do you believe in hell?

- I'm not sure,

but I don't take chances.

All right, well, I'll wire

you the money tonight.

- Hey, Don?

- What?

- Catch you later, man.

- ( CAMEL BELLOWS )

All right, well, I'll catch you later, too.

All right. Goodbye, now.

Good Lord, have mercy.

( THUNDER RUMBLING )

( KNOCK ON DOOR )

I brought you some supper.

You didn't have to do that.

It's just some pot stickers

and a raisin cookie.

Well, I don't care much for raisins,

but thank you.

Carol, how long you

been workin' for me now?

- Almost eight months.

- Wow.

Time's really flown by.

Well, after what's transpired today,

I need you to cancel

the rest of the tour.

But, more importantly, it doesn't look like

I'm gonna need anyone to

manage my schedule anymore.

( THUNDER RUMBLING )

Oh, uh, uh, okay.

- Yeah.

- Well, um,

I'm happy to stick around a few more days

to help you transition.

What? No. No, no, Carol,

you're not getting fired.

I-I-I want to promote you

to research assistant

and field documentarian.

Oh, Don, I would be honored!

( LAUGHS )

Carol, I want to make one thing very clear.

Finding treasure in

the Earth is meaningless

unless it will help someone get to heaven

that wouldn't get there otherwise.

That's what I admire about you, Don.

You're in this for all the right reasons.

( THUNDER CRASHING )

Well...

- good night.

- Night.

- ( DOOR CLOSES )

- ( QUIETLY ) Ah!

( TRUCK BEEPING )

( DOG BARKING )

( MAN COUGHS )

Well, there she is. Lot's wife.

Don, don't get me wrong, I

mean, she obviously is beautiful,

but, uh, is it just me, or does she look

a little different than

she does in the, uh,

photograph the Israelis sent you?

DON:
Well, Tony, I'm always

amazed at how certain artifacts

have the ability to

completely re-write history.

Based on the evidence

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