Don Verdean Page #7

call with Poon-Yen tomorrow.

Who's Poon-Yen?

- Poon-Yen.

- That's what I said. Poon-Yen.

No, you said Poon-Yen,

it's Poon-Yen.

He's the Chinese

guy that's paying us

to find the Holy Grail.

Second item of business,

I want one night with Carol.

Absolutely not.

You offered to find me a wife, Don,

that was part of the deal.

Just one night with Carol.

Not lovemaking, just dancing, talking,

flirting, having fun.

Smelling each other's hair.

Absolutely not. Carol's her own woman.

I can't make her do anything.

You and I both know that she'll do

just about anything for the cause.

I need you to make this happen, Don.

Don't forget about what's at stake here.

I'll see you 9:
00 AM tomorrow

for the Skype call with Poon-Yen.

Make up a good story about

where we find this Grail.

Boaz.

Boaz.

( DOOR OPENS, BELL JINGLES )

( CELL PHONE BUZZING )

- Hello?

- Carol, it's Don.

- Hi.

- Carol, I'm sure you've heard already,

but I-I just wanna tell you myself.

We're now being financed

by a wealthy Christian

fellow from China.

Oh, I know, it's all

over the Internet.

What did Tony say?

Well, he didn't take very kindly to it,

but, uh, we're still on the Lord's

errand and that's what matters.

Uh... uh, Carol, I had a great

conversation with Boaz today.

He was askin' me all

kinds of deep questions

about Christianity and

the search for truth.

I think he might be

interested in gettin' saved.

Really? Oh, that's wonderful.

( EXHALES SHARPLY )

I was wonderin' if you might be able

to spend some time with

him tomorrow night,

bear witness of your conversion story.

I think that might help him get to

the finish line a little quicker.

Oh, absolutely! It

would be my pleasure!

Thank you, Carol. Hallelujah.

I'll go ahead and let him know. I'm sure

he'll look forward to hearin' your story.

- Good night.

- Oh, good night.

( SKYPE TONE PLAYS )

( PHONE LINE RINGING )

( SKYPE WHIRRS )

Poon-Yen, hi.

We realize your time is precious,

so we're gonna get

straight to the business.

My business partner's

right here. Don Verdean.

Pleasure to meet ya, Poon-Yen.

Hello, Don. I'm a big fan of your work.

- I have all your DVD.

- Thank you.

Uh, Don is going to

brief you on what he knows

about the location of the Holy Grail.

Uh, many people believe the Grail is buried

on a booby-trapped

island off of Nova Scotia.

Even Franklin D. Roosevelt

blew a significant load of cash

tryin' to find it there, but the

Knights Templar were tricky fellows.

Oh, yes, those... those damn bastards.

But based on my study of

the Kensington Runestone,

I believe I have a mountain of evidence

that places the Grail on an Indian

reservation in the American Southwest.

Oh, that's very interesting!

Which Indian reservation is it?

Of course, that information is confidential

until we've formally

entered into an agreement.

That's right. Don's right.

We're going to need a

substantial retainer fee

um, before we can begin. For our services.

Oh, uh, how much of my money do you want?

Um, a million dollars sound okay?

- A million dollars sounds okay.

- Sure... certainly be a start.

So, when can we go look for the Grail?

Well, give us a few days

to organize our game plan

- and we'll call you.

- Sound great!

Uh, so how will you be paying us?

We've got a few urgent matters

we need to take care of.

Oh, when I fly out for the

dig, I will bring you cash.

Is there any way that you could

wire us the money right now?

Uh, maybe, I don't know, 10 grand to...

to hold us over till then?

I'm sorry. Can you say again?

I can't understand you say. What you say?

Oh, is there any way that you can wire us

the money straight away? Like,

say, maybe 10 grand maybe?

Your accent are very

strong. Can you say again?

Is there any way you can wire us the money

straight away, maybe? Just to tide us over.

Perhaps, about 10 grand?

Hey, no problem. I'll just, uh...

send me your bank account number.

Okay, thank you. We'll

do that straight away.

Okay, fantastic. Uh, goodbye, gentlemen.

( SIGHS )

( SKYPE CLOSES )

And that is what I'm talking about.

( GRUNTS ) Ooh, shalom!

( BOAZ SINGING )

( HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING )

( KNOCKS ON DOOR )

Ah, good evening, Carol.

You're lookin' very nice.

Oh, Boaz.

I didn't know this was a formal event.

Just a little bit of light dancing

and maybe some cocktails for two.

I brought you an outfit.

Where we're going has a strict dress code.

Okay, I just need a minute.

Can I...

( SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE )

( DOOR OPENS )

BOAZ:
Wow.

You look great!

Come on, baby,

down to paradise

Tell some stories

over cheese and wine

I can see the sun goin'

down in your eyes...

So, Carol, I've been meaning

to ask you since I met you

what qualities are you

looking for in a mate?

Oh, um... ( CHUCKLES )

I'm sorry, Boaz,

I was under the impression you had

some questions about Jesus of Nazareth.

Oh, yeah.

What is it that you like about that guy?

( CHUCKLES ) Well, um...

he was kind, handsome,

merciful,

forgiving.

He's the perfect man.

So, I guess, that's what

I'm looking for in somebody.

Looks like your Lord and me

have a lot in common.

We grew up in the same neighborhood

and we walked the same streets

under the same sunshine.

E-excuse me?

We're both Jewish guys.

Shall we dance?

( MUSIC PLAYING )

( MAN SINGING IN HEBREW )

So, Carol, tell me

do you want children?

Your hips say that

you can handle many.

Oh, well, your hips do spread

a little after childbirth.

- What?

- Oh, didn't Don tell you I have a son?

He's at the Wayne County

Correctional Facility.

Oh, he's in jail.

So I won't have to provide for him.

I don't want to provide for another's son.

Carol, wait!

Don promised me a night with you!

Don't go! He promised me!

Please!

I'm here with you

I'm here with you...

( MOTORHOME CLICKING, BACKFIRES )

DON:
Carol, what on

Earth happened to you?

Are you all right?

Oh, well, I see my pimp has

finally decided to check up on me.

What are you talking about?

You know what I'm talkin' about!

One night with Boaz?! ( STOMPS FOOT )

I'm no Potiphar's wife! ( CRYING )

I am so sorry, Carol. I-I...

he just said he wanted

to get to know you better.

- Did he hurt you?

- You know, Don, I think it's time you find yourself

a new research assistant.

( TIRES SCREECH )

( MUSIC PLAYING, MAN

SINGING IN HEBREW )

BOAZ:
You are a really great dancer.

Aah!

( BOAZ GROANING )

Ow!

Ow!

Don!

( KNOCKING ON DOOR )

Ooh!

We've got a major problem.

BOAZ:
I hate this guy, man. This

lab tech guy, I hate this guy.

- He's a "dootchbag".

- DON:
What'd he say?

He says that the press

have been hounding him

and hounding him and unless

he sees some money today...

- he wants it in cash.

- Wait a minute.

- You haven't paid him yet?!

- I haven't paid him because...

- Oh!

- Poon-Yen hasn't paid me yet. Okay?

So don't blame me, Don. Don't put it on me.

How am I supposed to bring the money?

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