Donald Glover Weirdo

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Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, gonna talk about

a lot of stuff.

My parents are gonna see it.

They're the ones

in the other car.

My mom hasn't.

Yeah.

I want her to see what I do,

you know?

Yeah...

but you know,

if you gotta do that...

You know, you can't live

in fear.

You see I'm trying

to make a turn, right?

It doesn't matter.

But you see I'm making a turn.

You gotta pull all the way up

and f***ing bother me.

You could have

just stopped back there.

This a**hole's awesome.

He sees I'm making a left,

so he's gonna pull up to make it

hard for me.

New York is the best.

( Cheers and applause )

Hey, guys.

So cool.

Thank you guys so much for

coming, this is awesome.

This is so great.

How many of you guys know me

from my show, "Community"?

( Cheers and applause )

Great.

Just want to let you guys know,

this is gonna be nothing

like that.

This is gonna be a lot grosser.

I feel bad...

I feel bad for a lot of people

who come to the show,

like, people bring their

kids and stuff like that.

Like, "Oh, he's gonna do Troy

and Abed!"

And I'm just like,

"D*cks, d*cks, d*cks, d*cks,

d*cks, d*cks!"

And they're "Let's go!"

I mean, 'cause I did...

I can be gross sometimes

and I know it's bad.

I mean, 'cause I did a half-hour

special for Comedy Central,

and the way I got

that half-hour special

was I did an hour in New York.

I did an hour on my own

and Comedy Central was there,

and they were like, "We really

liked your hour."

I was like, "Oh, thank you,

man, that was really great."

They were like, "We would love

to give you a half-hour."

I was like, "Great,

I would love to do a half-hour."

They're like, "Great, but don't

do any of the sh*t

"you did in that hour.

It was disgusting, don't do it."

Did you guys hear

about that Spider-Man thing

that happened with me?

( Cheers and applause )

Okay, for those of you

who have a life,

basically what

happened was there was...

They were talking about

on this geek blog,

about making

Spider-Man, you know,

they're redoing it.

So they said that maybe

this new Spider-Man,

since they're making

it so quickly

after making

these other Spider-Mans,

maybe they should

make it real different,

you know, make it kind of,

like, dark and edgy

like "The Dark Knight,"

and put it in modern-day times

and stuff, and maybe...

You know, Spider-Man maybe

doesn't have to be white,

maybe he can be black or

Hispanic or something like that,

and then somebody put a big

picture of me in the comments

and was like, "Donald Glover

can play Spider-Man,

he's nerdy!"

And I was like, okay.

And somebody sent that to me

so I was like,

"Oh yeah, I'll put that up."

So I put it up on my Twitter

and I was like,

Oh, Donald for

Spider-Man, let's do this.

You know, kind of a joke,

but also, like,

who doesn't want to be

Spider-Man... That'd be cool.

And that's when the world

went crazy.

And half the world was like,

"Donald for Spider-Man!

"We're only gonna

watch the next Spider-Man

if Donald Glover's playing

Peter Parker!"

And the other half was like,

"He's black, kill him!"

Like, it was so fast.

It was so fast.

It was insane, like, you

were either very hot or cold

on the subject, and I didn't...

I didn't say anything,

I didn't do anything

during that whole time,

I just laid low, but I did read

one comment that was like,

"Oh, we're gonna make

Spider-Man black now?

"We're just gonna

make Spider-Man black now?

"That's what we're gonna do,

"we're just gonna make

Spider-Man black?

"That's what we're gonna do,

"we're gonna make Spider-Man

black now?

"Gonna make Spider-Man black?

Well, why don't we just have

Michael Cera play Shaft?"

And I didn't respond to

any of the stuff I saw online,

except for that one.

I wrote back,

"Uh, dot, dot, dot, yes!"

That would be f***ing amazing!

F***ing Michael Cera

playing Shaft.

I'd watch that movie every day...

I'd go broke.

I'd go broke, just like, yes,

one more for "Shaft," please.

Like, I'd be there every day.

I mean, like, wouldn't that

be awesome,

to be watching the movie,

just be like, "Hey, Shaft,

what's going on, baby?"

"Oh, nothing.

Let's find some hoes."

Like, that'd be so awesome!

I'd watch that all the time.

The thing that bothered me

the most about that,

the thing that really

got under my skin,

was that people kept

bringing up Shaft.

Like I care about Shaft.

Like I must care...

He's black, he must love Shaft.

Like I give a f*** about Shaft.

Like, I'm like, oh no,

don't take our Shaft!

Like, I don't care,

I don't care about Shaft.

Like, it's just like...

Like Shaft was the black

Spider-Man

or something like that.

It's just like,

oh yeah, white people,

you guys get this dude who

swings from building to building

and saves people,

and black people, you get this

dude who slaps women sometimes.

Enjoy!

Like, what?

No, that's not okay.

He's not even a superhero.

He's just a black guy.

He's just a black dude.

You couldn't...

He's not a superhero.

You couldn't have no Shaft ride

at Universal Studios.

You couldn't have, like...

Yeah, what we do is,

we put you in the car

and then we set up like,

five women mannequins,

and then you hold your hand out

and you just slap 'em all.

Just slap 'em all.

$5, please.

That's ridiculous.

That really bothered me.

Like, no one... Like, Shaft...

I don't give a f*** about Shaft.

I don't care about Shaft.

The fact that they

kept assuming that...

Like I woke up every morning,

like, in my Shaft pajamas,

jumped out of bed,

ran down the stairs,

drank a cup of Shaft juice,

turned on the Shaft television...

I just realized "Shaft juice"

sounds like semen.

Don't wanna drink that.

That'd be gross.

I just like...

I was just doing some stuff

with, like, music,

and I just put out

that EP, and I was like...

( Cheers and applause )

Thank you.

And I was listening to it

in my car, I picked up...

Like, it was in the

mixing, and I was like,

oh, I want to see how it sounds

in the car

and I picked up

a friend of mine, she got in.

And she was like, "Is this you?"

And I was like, "Yeah."

And she goes,

"You listen to your own music?"

I was like, "Yeah, yeah,

I listen to my own music."

Like, being a...

being an entertainer...

Being an entertainer

is the only job

where you can

enjoy your own stuff.

Did you know that?

It's the only job where you can

enjoy your own sh*t.

Like, if I made

sandwiches for a living,

like, if I made sandwiches

for a living,

like if I worked

at Subway or something,

I make sandwiches for a living,

and then I go home and I make

myself a sandwich,

nobody in here is gonna be like,

getting a little conceited,

aren't we?

Like, no one cares,

no one cares.

It's also the only job

where you have to keep proving

you can do it.

Like, you can...

You have to keep like...

Like, if you work at Staples,

you don't have to be like,

"Oh yeah, I know how to

move paper from here to here."

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