Double Dynamite Page #7

What are you doing here?

I haven't seen you

since the last waiters' ball.

Boy, were you loaded.

I thought you knew,

my aunt in Connecticut died...

...and left me her entire fortune.

Gee, that's great. Now you can pay me

the 20 bucks you owe me.

Believe me, it's a pleasure.

- What's the matter? No tips?

- Here, get yourself a box of cigars.

You must be in the chips, all right.

But you'll run through it fast enough.

More champagne? Why?

Well, when Pulsifer gets here,

I can hardly offer him a root beer float.

If that's R.B. For the donation...

...remember, you are a millionaire

of very limited means.

- Hello.

- Emil...

- It's Mildred, she wants to come in.

- Mibs?

What'll we do?

Well, you're living dangerously. Live it.

Why didn't you knock?

All right, Mr. Keck, you might as well

tell me. What is going on?

I quit Baganucci

and got myself a better job.

You better get out

before my new boss comes in.

This suite happens to be registered

under the name of Keck.

- Keck?

- Hm.

Very common name.

It's English for Smith.

Look, Emil, I'm a big girl now.

I don't wear pigtails anymore.

- I'll bet you look lovely in them.

- Hm.

There's a few things around here

I have got to find out.

- Anything you ask.

- Who paid for that mink coat?

Uh, almost anything.

And all of this.

Where's the money coming from?

How is this possible?

There's a man here

who can explain the whole thing to you.

Johnny.

Mr. Keck, I'm R.B. Pulsifer Sr.

- Won't you come in, Mr. Pulsifer?

- Thank you, Mr. Keck.

You can call me Emil.

I don't like to trade on the family name.

- Will you sit down?

- Thank you.

I hope you don't mind

my dropping in on you like this, Emil.

Of course not.

It's much better than sitting here alone...

...waiting for some quiz program

to call you.

- May I get you any...? Something?

- Thank you, I'll have a cigarette.

Cigarette.

- There you are.

- Thank you.

- Take two or three for later.

- Oh, this'll do.

And I'll come right to the point.

Do you believe in charity?

Giving or receiving?

Emil, I like you.

You're not stuffy. You haven't let

your money go to your head.

It's been an effort.

- Champagne?

- Thank you.

Johnny, what are you two up to?

What can it possibly be

that you can't tell even me?

Okay, Mibs.

I'm gonna give it to you straight.

You remember the story I told you

about the shirt shop?

- You mean the one about the horses?

- It's all true.

I won $60,000 betting on the horses...

...the same day

they found the shortage in the bank.

So I couldn't tell anybody about it,

don't you see?

And Emil has been helping me

keep it a secret.

Johnny, is that the best you can do?

You don't believe me?

You'll never regret

this generous donation of $3000.

What was that?

- Something collapsed in the next room.

- Oh.

As I was saying,

it's this attitude of generosity...

...this friendliness, that has been the basis

of my success in the banking business.

Do you mind?

Incidentally, while we're speaking of it...

...do you mind my asking

what is your business?

- Pigs' feet.

- Pigs' feet?

Largest packers of pickled pigs' feet

in the country.

Wherever people eat,

you'll find Keck's feet.

- Good slogan.

- Thought it up myself.

Well, I'm sorry to run away,

but I have a dinner engagement.

I was hoping you'd have dinner with me.

I'd like to, Emil,

but I'll be in town until next week.

- How about Thursday?

- Thursday's fine.

We have meatballs and spaghetti

and a separate napkin to each customer.

You're a card, Emil.

What a rare combination.

A millionaire and a sense of humor.

- You don't know the half of it.

- Pickled pigs' feet.

You think I robbed the bank?

Oh, honestly, Johnny,

I don't know what to think.

Do you think I'm a thief?

Why, how could you po...?

I don't even wanna talk to you anymore.

I'm tired of pretending and hiding

and telling lies and of telling you the truth.

I stole it, yes. I took the money

from the bank with Santa Claus.

- Now, go ahead and go to the police.

Johnny.

Mibs.

Sit down, please.

Here, drink this.

After you hear what I have to say,

you'll realize you can't go to the police.

- Why?

- Because you're the criminal.

- Me?

- Johnny told me the whole thing.

How you wanted to get married right away

and how he couldn't afford it.

And how you threatened to leave him.

That poor boy, driven desperate

for the love of a woman...

...seized his opportunity

and robbed the Fidelity Trust Company.

Oh, Emil.

He did it for me?

Poor Johnny.

He loved me that much.

For bonnie Annie Laurie

He'd lay down and die.

Emil, this isn't another one

of your stories, is it?

This is the truth, isn't it?

If it isn't, may I drop dead on this spot.

- Mibs.

- Bob, I had to come to you.

Well, what makes you think

you're welcome?

- I've got my pride too.

- No, this is a matter of life and death.

Naturally.

You're not the first girl to discover

she couldn't live without me.

Here, let me take your coat.

Take it easy. Relax.

- Brandy?

- It's about the bank.

- About the bank?

- Mm-hm.

I'm not wasting my Napoleon brandy

on the bank's affairs.

Oh, Bob, you just gotta help me.

I can trust you, can't I?

I don't see why not.

Nobody ever has before.

I was just on my way to spend

Christmas Eve with Dad...

...but he can wait.

Well, all I wanted was to ask you

a question about an imaginary case.

Well, go ahead.

Suppose somebody had taken

some money from your father's bank.

- Yeah?

- Thousands and thousands of dollars.

But he wasn't really a thief.

Just a wholesome, red-blooded

American boy, a little playful perhaps.

See, somebody made him take this money.

She didn't mean to, but, well...

...she was always talking about marriage

and mink coats and diamond rings.

Just a wholesome,

red-blooded American girl.

But she would have married him

if he didn't have a cent.

So if she should get ahold

of some of this money...

...and she knew that she could get

this somebody to bring the rest of it back...

...could get your father to promise

not to send him to jail, please?

Well, I'd do my best...

...but first I'd have to see the money

to make certain it was being returned.

Oh, well, that's easy.

I've got it right here.

That's about $20,000 exactly.

Here's some more.

Here's some more.

That's all.

What are you doing?

Calling the police

to arrest John Dalton for robbery.

- That's what I'm doing.

- I didn't say anything about Johnny.

- This is an imaginary case.

- Well, this is unimaginary money.

- Operator, get me the police.

- Please, you can't do that.

- I can, now, operator, get me...

- Don't arrest Johnny.

I'll do anything, anything.

What?

You used to like me, Bob.

Yeah.

I'll write you a letter.

- I'm even willing to marry you.

- Sure.

Marry?

You can't threaten me.

Hello, operator,

get me the police right away.

Mibs.

Get me the police right away, operator.

That's right.

Operator, for the 10th time,

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