Double Whammy

It may seem like a cold town

But, man, let me tell

ya, it's a soul town

Go, go, go

Go, go, go

Go, go, go

Go, go, go

It may seem like a cold town

Go, go, go

But, man, let me tell

ya, it's a soul town

Go, go, go...

- What are you doing?

- What do you mean?

Aren't you going in?

I thought you were.

I went in yesterday, Jerry.

Would you mind, Ray?

'Cause my knee's killing me.

Your knee? What about my back?

- Anybody care about that?

- I'm sorry. I care.

I'll just take a Double Bun Burger!

Have a Burger Bun day.

Hey, how you doin'? Gimme

two Double Bun burgers

- and a chocolate shake, please.

- Is that it?

No, I'll take an order

of fried nose rings too.

- What?

- I'm kidding. It's a joke.

Knock yourself out, dude.

Knock myself out?

What does that mean?

Oh my God!

Born and raised in Brooklyn.

36 years.

Went to P.S. 115.

Mom and Dad wanted me to

go to Catholic school.

My best friend John...

man, he was cool.

Wish he could see me now.

- Do I have your attention now?

- Yes, sir.

Then look at me when I talk to you!

I'm trying, but it's difficult...

- with my back...

- F*** your back!

I got the mayor, the commissioner,

the C. of D. up my ass

because you were standing right

there with your weapon out,

and you couldn't stop one guy

from killing six people!

I know, sir, I should

have dropped the guy.

Nobody feels worse

about this than I do.

Any thoughts on that

comment, Dimitri?

With all due respect, Lieutenant...

I imagine the relatives

of the victims

might feel worse than

Detective Pluto.

They just might.

- Any questions for him?

- No, it's pretty clear.

- Questions about what?

- Your cases.

- I've reassigned them to Dimitri.

- Why?

Because you're a goddamn cripple!

- I'm fine.

- Stand up!

You're on restricted duty

until I get confirmation

from the chief surgeon

that your back's 100%.

Now get out!

Dimitri, get this

f*ggot a wheelchair.

- Hey, Ray.

- Where have you been?

- I went to get the paper.

- What about your knee?

I took it real slow.

It was over when I got back.

- What did Spigot say?

- I'm on restricted duty

- till I get this back fixed.

- And me?

I told him you were getting gas.

Thanks. Oh sh*t!

I'm sorry.

Listen, I owe you.

Anything you want, just name it.

- How about a new back?

- All right.

Why don't you go see

a chiropractor?

I need a real doctor, not some

frou-frou sh*t like that.

What are you talking about?

Wait. Listen to me.

When my back went out,

I couldn't get off the floor.

I had to crawl to the bathroom

on my hands and knees.

My brother-in-law turned me

on to this chiropractor, and...

it's incredible.

It's crazy sh*t, but it works.

- They do this adjustment...

- Pluto.

Here's your gun.

It was tough getting it

back from that kid.

He was afraid you wouldn't

know what to do with it.

- I could stick it up your ass.

- You could...

but there's no bad guys up there.

What, no room with

Spigot's dick up there?

Detective Pluto, Channel 10 News.

Do you feel responsible for

the death of those people?

Do you feel responsible for the

death of your wife and daughter?

How does it feel being

upstaged by an eight-year-old?

Look at this sh*t!

- Mira, Maribel!

- What?

Don't tell me your

friend didn't do this.

- He didn't do it.

- Then who?!

I don't see everybody who

comes in this building.

- So it was your friend!

- It was not!

Would you two shut up?

I'm trying to watch the TV!

Tell him to leave me alone!

Here's Bill with the latest

on this afternoon's

Burger blood-bath.

A brave eight-year-old boy

is now a national hero

for shooting a gunman who

slaughtered six people

in a crowded Brooklyn

Burger Bun this afternoon.

Ricky Lapinsky...

Come here!

That says "Lucy," right?

Lucy!

It does not say "Lucy"!

- You can't even read!

- Ray, Ray...

got a minute?

What does that say?

I don't know, Juan,

it's all Chinese to me.

Ah-ha! So it's your

Chink friend, then!

You're so stupid!

Do you hear what

she calls me?! All right...

- forget the tattoo!

- See you later, Juan.

Take care.

You said I could.

When you learn to respect your

father and speak to your father,

then maybe I'll let you

look like a whore!

Mommy, he said I could get

a tattoo, and I'm getting it!

- Yes, I am!

- No, you're not!

If you don't shut up,

I'll go crazy!

I've been working all day and

I want to watch TV, cono!

Earlier today, Mayor

Geminelli praised Ricky

as one of New York's finest.

This boy is a hero.

And if I had 20 more like him,

I could wipe out crime in this city.

The mayor had less

flattering remarks

for New York City

Detective Raymond Pluto

who was in the restaurant

ordering lunch

at the time of the massacre.

Although armed and standing

merely 10 feet away,

Detective Pluto apparently was

unable to stop the slaughter

because of a bad back.

What if I hadn't been in the place?

Did they think about that?

Then the kid wouldn't have had

the gun to shoot the guy.

Hey, everybody,

welcome to Fitness Cheers!

We've got a really tough

workout coming up...

- Yeah?

- Detective Pluto?

I'm calling from

"The New York Post."

- I need to verify some facts.

- What facts?

Are you Detective Pluto

whose wife and daughter

were killed in a hit-and-run

accident two years ago?

I'll tell ya...

All right, guys, let's stretch out.

Let's go down for four.

And two...

You motherfucking cocksucking

f***ing piece of sh*t!

- F***ing press cockroach!

- Ray? It's me, Jerry.

Hey.

Aw, man...

- I'm sorry, Jerry.

- You all right?

- You sound really upset.

- I thought you were

this scumbag reporter

who's been calling.

I'm sorry.

How are you doing?

Just checking up on you.

What are you doing?

I was sitting around,

smoking some hash.

Yeah, me too! I just did

a whole bucket of crack!

You're too much, man.

I got the number for

that chiropractor.

Oh great. Go ahead

You're ready?

Dr. Beamer.

555-0191.

All right. Good, man.

- I appreciate it.

- So...

how are you feeling mentally?

I'm doing good, man.

You know?

- Thinking about a few things.

- Care to talk about it?

Sure.

Umm...

Did you ever notice...

women sometimes call

each other "guys"?

They'll say, "Let's go, guys,"

and it's all girls there.

Yeah, I've seen them do that.

Guys don't do that.

You never hear guys go,

"Let's go, girls."

What, guys calling

other guys "girls"?

Yeah...

- it'd be an insult.

- Like calling them a fag.

Exactly. But it's okay

for women to say,

"Hey, let's go, guys."

It's f***ing crazy.

You know?

- Yeah?

- All right... thanks for calling.

- I'll see you tomorrow.

- All right.

It's killer.

It'll blast you like a

Sandinistan guerilla.

Killer. You don't know the diller.

Everybody knows that I'm a killer.

- Who is it?

- Cletis.

About time.

- I hate you!

- No, you don't!

You love me!

I'm your papi!

- I hate you!

- No, you don't mean that!

- What you looking at?

- What the f*** you looking at?

You do that graffiti?

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