Double Whammy Page #2

Cletis, come on!

We got work to do.

Pendejo, cono.

All right.

We got the guy already

tied up in the chair.

We got the Chinese food

already delivered.

Then you signal me,

just with your eye.

Yeah.

Then I take out a chopstick...

like this.

Put it in the guy's ear.

Then I take off my shoe.

- What do you think?

- It's too quick.

We want to inflict pain, right?

Long, slow...

painful pain.

He's sitting in the chair...

all immobilized and sh*t.

Now, that would hurt.

- You see that?

- Mmm-hmm.

- Good shot!

- A dart in the eyeball.

That is pain.

And I got four more left.

Maybe I should throw a couple.

- You?

- Just...

one or two.

- You're saying you like this?

- Oh, man! Come on!

We're totally using that!

I told you.

You are a great writer.

Let's get this sh*t down.

Scene 29:
interior,

- warehouse - day.

- Dictate this for me, Duke.

I want to do the darts going

in with a giant close-up.

We need the right sound.

I want a solid "thwock!"

when it sticks in the dude's head.

Write that down.

T-H-W-O-C-K.

Thwock.

Cute little guy.

He's getting that award

from Geminelli today.

Nothing for that cop, though.

I feel kind of sorry for him.

Oh come on.

The putz was there.

He had his gun out and

he couldn't do it.

It's called "performance anxiety."

He just couldn't get it up.

Detective Pluto?

This way.

I think that was the guy.

How long has your back

been bothering you?

- About three years.

- You've never seen a chiropractor?

- No.

- Why not?

I usually go to regular doctors.

I've been looking at your X-rays,

sent by your regular doctor

and I think I've

seen the problem...

in your lower back, here.

Can I say something for a second?

Do you know chiropractic

medicine has been recognized

by medical associations since 1963?

- No, I didn't know that.

- Well, it has.

Okay? Right.

Take a look at this. See?

Look at your lower spine.

Now...

look at this.

What do you see?

The skeleton's spine is curved...

whereas yours is straight.

No curve, no flexibility.

No flexibility, no strength.

Your muscles around the

vertebrae must work overtime

just to hold your spine in place.

Finally, they spasm and

your back goes out.

Could you slip your jacket off

and lie down on the table?

Okay.

- Can you take your gun off?

- Oh... yeah.

Give it to me.

You'll be head up this end.

Face through the gap.

Do you have some kind

of pillow I could...

No, just relax your head.

- Okay.

- Relax.

Oh yeah...

Oh yeah. I got it.

- Your L-5s are all jammed up.

- The L-5?

Yeah. Okay.

I'll release that.

Now, just relax.

It looks more

frightening than it is.

Just relax. It'll help

release your muscles.

Much better.

Turn over, please.

Don't cross your feet.

Okay, now...

- Just relax.

- Mmm-hmm.

I'll give you some

exercises to do every day

in addition to the adjustments.

Adjustments?

How long have you been

on the police force?

I don't know.

Probably about...

Well done! Unbelievable.

It takes most people weeks

to get that kind of release.

Relax. I'll do one more thing,

and then you're through.

I want to pop your

fifth dorsal vertebra.

- Where is that?

- In the back of your spine.

- Take a deep breath in.

- Okay.

And let it go.

Didn't get it.

Let's try again.

Deep breath in.

Now breathe out.

You're holding back

on me, Detective.

Sorry.

Maybe you want to try it again?

I think we've done

enough for today.

All right.

I got a tattoo.

- No, you didn't!

- I did!

Let's see it then.

That sh*t looks nice, Lucy.

Yeah, this bug's mad cute!

I'll look hot in my bikini

this summer, right?

- No doubt. We're buggin'.

- I get mine,

- we'll be the Buggin' Crew.

- Oh yeah...

- the Three Lady Bugs.

- I'm getting one too.

- All in red.

- You dreamin', girl.

You ain't gonna get a tattoo.

Her father would kill her.

Maybe you should get...

one of those stick-ons.

The sh*t that washes off.

Let's go to my house. It's free.

I need cigarettes.

What's up, little one?

I wanna do it.

Hey, Ping Pong...

she wants to do it.

Let's do it.

- Where did you get the money?

- I found his Christmas tips

from all the tenants.

He's saving it for our

trip to Disneyworld.

He made $2,000 just from tips.

Sh*t, I should be a super.

- I want a third up front.

- How much is that?

Ping Pong, what's a third of 2,000?

- A half would be 1,000.

- I know what a half is.

What the f*** is a third of 2,000?!

It's 300.

I want $300, then we do it.

Okay.

- You like it?

- Where did you get it?

Mr. Magic's, down in the Village.

What street?

- Avenue C. Why?

- I might get one.

How much does it cost?

$45.

- Does it hurt bad?

- No, it doesn't hurt bad.

If you want, I can go with you

and make sure they do it okay...

You want a tattoo?

I'll give you one for free.

Let me see them come back

here and do this sh*t again,

I'll kick their ass.

- Sh*t.

- Hey, Juan, que pasa?

Just working, my friend.

F***ing graffiti's like a fungus.

You don't take care of it right

away, it'll spread all over.

Well...

- you're taking care of it.

- I know who's doing it.

Those little sh*t

friends of Maribel's.

I'll catch them one day and

kick them right up the ass.

- How's your back?

- I'm seeing this chiropractor.

Ray, that sh*t don't work.

You gotta relax.

I go fishing.

- That's how I relax.

- Out in the ocean?

Are you f***ing crazy?

Right there. 79th Street,

on the Hudson.

Good fishing there.

Come out with me one day.

You'll like it.

- I don't know.

- I got a rod.

I bought a rod for

Maribel, she don't use it.

Knock on my door, we'll go fishing,

- that'll straighten you out.

- Maybe I'll do that.

- Let's do that.

- Okay.

- Thanks, Juan.

- Okay. Take care of that back.

Coming.

Your order.

Yo, I caught you on the tube.

I didn't know you were a cop.

I'm Duke. This is Cletis.

How you doing?

Ray Pluto.

What's with the suits?

Going to a costume party?

- No, this is how we dress.

- The '70s are back.

- You should check it out.

- Okay.

Let me ask you something.

You've seen a lot of crazy

sh*t as a cop, right?

- People shot, stabbed...

- I guess so.

Ever seen a guy with

darts stuck in him?

- Throwing darts?

- Yes.

Perforating him in the head,

the eyeballs and the chin.

Have you ever seen

anything like that?

I don't think so.

You've never seen it in a

movie either, have you?

No, I... no.

All right.

Go, go, go

Go, go, go

It may seem like a cold town

Go, go, go

I'll tell you, Lieutenant,

I've been doing these

exercises every day,

and my back has never felt better.

"Det. Pluto has made tremendous

progress this past week..."

"In his doctor's opinion, Det.

Pluto is fit for active duty."

This is from a damn chiropractor.

Yes, sir. And I don't

know if you know,

but chiropractic medicine has been

recognized by medical associations

- since 1962.

- Recognize this.

If I hear your f***ing

back goes out again,

I'll put you behind a desk

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