Double Whammy Page #3

out on Staten Island.

- How's your dictation?

- Not as good as Dimitri's.

What did you say?

With all disrespect...

with no due respect,

I don't know anything

about dictation.

I'd probably be terrible at it.

Get out before I stick

my foot up your ass.

Okay.

Thank you, sir.

Great to be back.

- You guys have seen Cubbins?

- He's right behind you, Sherlock.

What are you doing sneaking

up on me like that?

- How did it go?

- Back on duty.

I'll treat you to lunch.

Look at them.

Must be nice, huh, Chick?

Sitting around,

jerking off all day.

Don't worry about me.

I got all my cases cleared,

plus the two of yours

they dumped on me

when your partner went

on restricted duty.

You must want that Detective

First Grade pretty bad.

- No more than anyone else.

- Hey, Pluto.

They're talking about you.

Tell, me, Ricky, are you

angry with the policeman?

No, 'cause he probably feels bad

he couldn't save the people.

Why couldn't he save the people?

Maybe he didn't know what to do.

But maybe now, after

seeing what I did,

he knows what to do next time.

- Do you think he does?

- I hope he does,

so another kid doesn't

have to shoot a man.

Let's go.

We need a title that smokes.

- Something that's in your face.

- Right!

- "Suck the Monkey"!

- Cletis, I love you, man,

but we tag this movie,

"Suck the Monkey,"

we lose out on our

entire middle audience.

That's a lot of box office.

- This sh*t is pissing me off!

- I know, man...

I know... wait a second.

We said we wanted

something in your face.

- Right.

- There it is.

"In Yo Face."

- "In Yo Face"?

- It's Ebonics!

"In Yo Face."

And it's perfect now that we're

making the Uzi twins black!

Whoa. Stop. Decelerate.

- When did we decide that?

- I thought we said that.

- I never said that.

- I thought it'd be cool

- if they was Black.

- Cool?!

Duke, I told you

I am not into cool.

I am into reality.

And in reality,

a brother would not act

that way. Scene 32.

"The Uzi twins shoot a cop,

- then run off into the night."

- Right.

That's bullshit!

There's no way a brother

will run off all mortified!

- He'll be like this... "Pow!"

- Uh-huh.

He'll turn... and

walk off like this.

Cool and slow.

Oh no, man, they would run, bro'!

Fine! Fine! Fine!

They run. But then

we make them white.

You sayin' a white guy

will act like that?

You tell me a Black

guy'll act like that?

Come on, man!

Cletis, you're my friend!

I don't want to be

arguing with you.

Yeah, you're my friend.

But I think you got a

bit of racist in you.

Whoa.

Yo, bro'?

- No.

- Yes.

I noticed it.

Is it what I said

about the Ebonics?

No, it's not that.

It's other things.

But I don't take it personal,

because you're white and

you don't know any better.

That's some mega-heavy

sh*t, Cletis.

I know.

Okay... what if...

we made the Uzi twins...

Puerto Rican?

What do you think?

- All right? Bro'?

- Bro'.

You wanna open up to me,

- you just go ahead.

- Okay, I will.

'Cause I think you keep

a lot of stuff inside.

This whole Burger Bun thing.

And that sh*t with Dimitri...

even Shelley's accident.

You gotta let some

of that stuff out.

I absolutely agree with you 100%.

- I'm sorry.

- Yeah?

But you never open up with me.

I mean...

I'm going through some

heavy sh*t right now too,

and I don't know if I can

talk to you about it.

That's not true. Come on.

You know that's not true.

What is it?

I was walking behind you the

other day in the precinct...

and I realized that

I was thinking...

"Hey, Ray's got kind

of a nice ass!"

What did you say?

See, I told you it was heavy!

You know...

I'm not gay, okay?

- I'm not!

- Of course. Everybody knows that.

Then why am I looking at your ass?

I don't know.

It happens to everybody, I think.

Have you ever looked

at a guy's ass?

I probably have...

once or twice.

- Have you ever looked at my ass?

- No.

Why not?

I think you gotta talk

to somebody about this.

I'm talking to you.

I mean a professional.

- A shrink?

- Yeah.

To get it off your chest.

If you talk to a lot of shrinks,

they'll tell you that

deep down inside,

- everybody's gay.

- I'm not f***ing gay!

I told you, I'm not!

- I didn't...

- Why do I even...

All I'm trying to say to you is,

you're my friend, okay?

And that's all that matters.

Okay, cowboy?

Here's what we'll do.

Drop me off up here.

I'll go to my appointment

and I'll hook up with you later

and we'll figure this thing out.

- It's probably just a phase.

- Okay.

Maybe it was just an accident.

Your eyes happened to look there.

- You think so?

- Could be.

You're gonna be fine,

man. All right?

All right.

Much better.

Still doing the exercises?

Every day.

How's the pelvic area?

Any tension?

Roll over.

So...

where are you from, if you

don't mind me asking?

And if I do?

I was wondering because

of your accent.

Brighton.

On the English Channel.

How long have you been over here?

- Six years.

- Married?

Once.

- You?

- Same.

Thanks for getting that

recommendation out so quickly, Doc.

You got it off fast,

and I'm back on duty.

You have an excellent recovery.

I'm impressed by your discipline.

Chiropractic is a

lifetime commitment.

Really? I didn't know that.

I'll have another go at

your fifth dorsal vertebra.

Take a deep breath.

Hold it and...

Damn it.

I'll get this bastard.

Take a deep breath in.

Oh... yeah.

I got it.

Yeah.

No, wait just a goddamn minute!

- Sorry, Dr. Beamer.

- Stop calling me that!

My name's Ann!

And I like you, Detective.

But if you think I'll

screw you on this table!

Of course not, Dr... Ann!

- I have no excuse. I'm sorry.

- Stop apologizing!

Did you hear me scream for help?

I've got three patients

waiting outside.

Maybe I should just

get out of here.

I don't know what I was thinking.

- Wait a second.

- What?

- How do I look?

- Not good.

- Did you want maybe...

- Sure.

What?

I thought you meant...

I meant, do you want

to have some dinner?

Oh yeah. I could do that.

- What did you think I meant?

- That. Dinner.

Okay.

Keep doing those exercises.

It's important.

Nora. Hi. Ed, Francine.

How are you doing?

Bye.

Detective Pluto will be

in next week, Teesha.

Ed, let's get cracking.

Maribel says she's

getting a tattoo.

- Bullshit.

- Yeah?

- I'll show you bullshit tomorrow.

- Your father said yes?

- Uh-huh.

- Where you gonna get it?

- Mr. Magic, down in the Village.

- What street?

- Avenue C.

- How much does he charge?

$45.

All right. You can be Baby Bug.

- I'm called Lady Bug.

- I'm Jewel Bug.

- I still don't believe you.

- That's because you're Bug Spray.

F*** you, b*tches.

Doing good, Ray.

You'll catch something.

I used to come out

here with Maribel.

She used to take this

fishing seriously.

She'd say, "Papi,

you gotta be quiet

so the fish don't hear you."

Then she'd say, "Just whisper."

We'd spend the whole afternoon

here, whispering to each other.

Why did she stop?

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