Double Whammy Page #4

She's growing up.

Now she hates her old man.

- Everything I say is stupid.

- Nah, she doesn't hate you.

I know she says that

sh*t sometimes.

She gave me this for my birthday.

- That's nice.

- Nice, right?

She still calls me "Papi,"

so I know she loves me.

Now she thinks she can

do whatever she wants.

She's telling me,

"I'm getting a tattoo."

I said, "You're not.

You live in my house."

She doesn't respect me.

I gotta teach her respect.

It kills me to do that...

but she's still my little girl.

I love her.

- I think it's a tough age.

- You're telling me?

You're lucky you don't

have a daughter.

- I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking.

- It's okay.

I'm sorry.

That was stupid of me.

Hey, guys.

What's up?

- What do you want?

- Do it!

Ping Pong, come on.

- You know those guys?

- No. You okay?

- Yeah. You?

- I'm all right.

Those f***ing pendejos!

F***! They shot the f***ing fish!

- I think he's alive.

- No, man!

Is that too symbolic?

No, man.

We need symbols.

I'm telling you, the French

bug out for that sh*t.

- Know what I'm saying?

- I've been thinking 'bout Cannes.

I bet you have, bro'.

I see us winning Best Picture.

- Don't you?

- From which arises a question.

Uh-huh?

When we walk up on stage...

- to accept that prize...

- Right.

- which one of us walks first?

- We go together.

Side by side. Unified.

What if the staircase

leading to the stage

is too narrow for the both of us?

Who walks up first?

- Who is it?

- Chinese food.

Second floor.

All right, man, reality check.

We're not walking on any stage

until we finish this scene!

- Know what I'm saying?

- Okay.

Yeah. Let's get to work.

- Let's do it.

- All right.

Chiropractic is primarily

manipulation of the spine

in order to relieve pain.

All I know is my back feels great.

And I enjoy getting on

that table with you.

Ray, I need to talk

about what happened.

- I meant getting adjustments.

- I don't want you to think...

- It was just one of those things.

- Yeah, you're right.

It was spur of the moment,

- but...

- I don't.

- You don't what?

- What you were saying.

Oh.

Isn't that what you

were just saying?

I know myself pretty well.

I know I'm not an impulsive person.

Got it.

I smell smoke.

- Can you smell smoke?

- No.

What?

God damn it!

Those people are smoking.

Excuse me.

- Those people are smoking.

- Is it bothering you?

No, it's not bothering

me, it's killing me.

Do you know second-hand

smoke causes lung cancer,

- heart disease and emphysema?

- I'll try not to breathe.

It's moments like this I

really wish I had a gun.

You've got a gun, don't you?

No, I'm off duty.

I didn't bring it.

Pity.

- Let's not let it ruin our meal.

- Right.

- How's the fish?

- Great. The chicken?

Not bad.

Do you want to taste...

They're smoking again!

- What are you doing?

- Enough of this frou-frou sh*t.

Jesus Christ!

It was her!

And good things continue to develop

for New York's youngest hero,

Ricky Lapinsky.

Earlier today, Lapinsky's

parents received an offer

from Macaulay Culkin

for the film rights...

That's the kid from "Home Alone."

I love that movie.

reportedly seeking an

action vehicle for himself

- to write, direct...

- "I see, you see,

he/she/it see."

- Sees.

"He sees the mouse."

Everybody else "see" the mouse.

Why he "sees" it?

This language makes no sense.

I'll flunk this test.

No, you'll pass. Just relax.

"He sees the mouse."

Okay, baby.

Goodbye. There's chicken

in the fridge.

I told Maribel to

heat it up for you.

- Wish me luck.

- I wish you luck.

Adiosito.

I am really sorry about

the whole thing.

Smoking is against the law.

I could have arrested them.

- You should have.

- What did the guy say again?

"If you persist on throwing food,

I'll have to ask you to leave."

He said, "young lady,"

or something. Hey.

- Hi, Pluto.

- What are you doing?

- Nothing.

- This is Maribel,

- whom I've known since she was two.

- Nice to meet you.

Did your dad tell you

we went fishing?

I used your pole, which you

were pretty good with.

- I was never good.

- Okay.

- Hasta la vista.

- Hasta luego.

Hasta manana.

- Good Spanish.

- Thanks.

Sorry about that front room.

I'm actually renovating.

I'll just eat and run, since

I have to go to work early.

- What did you say?

- I like candles.

They'd work better if you lit them.

Ice cream.

You left that there so I'd

think you're a good boy?

I actually do the

exercises every day.

- All of them?

- Except for 7A.

- Doesn't do anything.

- What?

It works incredibly well.

Let me see what you've been doing.

Show me.

I'll show you.

I don't feel anything.

It's called the "pelvic lift,"

which suggests a little elevation.

Try again.

- Up here.

- That high?

Yes. Now lower.

And raise.

- You feel that?

- Mm-hm.

- It opens you right here.

- Ticklish.

Hi, Lucy.

Hi, Mirabel.

I'm going to get a tattoo.

- No, you're not.

- Yeah, look.

See, mine's in red.

Told you.

- What's up, little one?

- What are you doing here?

Come see.

- Is he dead?

- Not yet. Get the money!

Get the money!

I'm sorry, but you better

hurry before Mommy comes home

and we have to do her ass too!

- Go! Where's the money?

- I'm getting it.

Vamonos!

Let's get outta here!

C'mon, let's go!

No.

- What?

- Don't take that.

Don't take it? After

everything I did for you,

you tell me what not to take?

We should do her too.

F***ing pendejo.

Do his ass again.

Let's try it again.

You hear the shots.

Pow! Pow! Pow!

- I run to the window.

- You see the Uzi twins

- waste the cop.

- Our friend! Gone!

- Annihilated!

- You want to kill them!

But I can't, 'cause they're

running away, scared.

So you yell something at them!

I see you, you goddamn

Spic bastards!

I see you!

- Yo, somebody saw us!

- Bastards!

I see you!

I told you to close the curtain!

- I see you!

- Sh*t! Go!

Go, go, go!

Oh my God.

Ah!

Now that is great

exercise for my back.

Shut up!

I mean it.

It hasn't felt this

loose in 10 years.

Maybe you can incorporate this

into your treatment program.

Fine with me.

I've never had sex with

a policeman before.

How was it?

Can we try your

handcuffs next time?

Yeah.

Yeah.

The sun is nice.

Are you asleep?

I'll take a Double Bun burger

with a chocolate shake, please.

I had a really nice

time last night.

Me too.

It was great.

It's been a while for me, so...

- We should get coffee.

- I agree.

What's with the service

in this place?

Hey!

Hello?

Tell you what.

If you can get somebody,

get me scrambled eggs,

- I'll grab a paper.

- Okay.

Let me get this paper here.

Shelley!

Ray!

Where have you been? Oh my God!

Look, Cleo, it's your daddy.

Come on, Ray.

Let's go home.

Okay. Let me just get the paper.

Want to say bye to Daddy?

Say goodbye to Daddy.

I don't have any change. Hey!

Shelley!

Yo, Ray!

Mr. Pluto!

You better come down!

There's some heavy sh*t going on!

- What?

- Somebody stabbed the super!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes