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Down to Earth Page #2
I don't think there's anything | he can't handle.
- You guys can fix this, right? | - Lance, look,
I pride myself | on being a straight shooter.
For guys that lived a bad life, | I don't mince words.
I tell them to go to hell, literally.
You, on the other hand, | I like you.
You're what you call- | You're very, um-
You're very, um- | what's the word- very, um-
- Funny? | - No. You're spunky.
- Spunky? What the- | - Spunky.
So here's the story. | Your body's gone.
Adios, sayonara, comprende?
- But I spoke to my boss. | - You talked to God?
Yeah. What we can do for you | is put you in somebody else's body,
as long as no one knows | he's dead yet, okay?
Wait a minute. How am I supposed | to do my act in somebody else's body?
Lance, this is all part | of some, like, grand plan.
- Really? | - Yeah, sure.
Anyway, come on. | Let's go find you a body.
- This one's kind of like a fixer-upper. | - I don't think so.
How about this one? | He's physically fit.
- He's got nice pecs. | - Big's not funny.
Nobody wants to laugh at a guy | who could whip their ass.
- Hey, it's your call. | - Hey, Joey.
- Hello. | - Hey, Joey, help me. I can't-
He's perfect.
Picky, picky. | Really picky.
Man! Who lives here?
Charles Wellington, | the 15th richest man in America.
He owns sporting teams, | cable companies,
health insurance companies, | you name it.
Just finished building this high-tech | penthouse controlled by supercomputers.
If I don't like the body, | can I keep the crib?
Wait a- How'd you do that?
I'm a friggin' angel. | I can do whatever I want.
What is it?
Cocktails, madame.
Oh, yes. Yes, of course. | Thank you, Wanda.
It's my pleasure, | Mrs. Wellington.
- Is that the guy? | - No.
That's Winston Sklar, | Wellington's private secretary.
They're waiting for Wellington's body | to be discovered.
- What are you talking about? What? | - They're trying to kill him.
- We gotta do something! | - Thank you, Wanda.
"Thank you, Wanda. "
Who the hell she think she is? | You frigid, stuck-up b*tch.
If you really want to thank me, | get that cheap-ass husband of yours...
to pay me a decent wage.
One more face-lift, that | b*tch gonna be fartin' out her nose.
Why haven't they found him yet?
I'm a murderer. I'm a dirty murderer. | I should be punished.
Punish me.
Oh, I'll punish you.
Lance.
Call the cops. | Call the cops. Call the cops.
I was on vacation | and that Wellington...
flew me in | from North Carolina...
- Call the police. Call the cops. | - to change the channel on the TV.
Call the cops. 9-1-1. 9-1-1.
- You're damn right I was mad! | - Mamacita, nueve,
- I had tickets to go see the O'Jays. | - uno, uno.
Nueve, uno, uno.
Where's the phone? Where's the phone?
No can do, Lance. The phone company | doesn't provide service to dead people.
You wanna make a call, | get a body.
Well, find me another body. I don't | want anything to do with these freaks.
I am here to see Mr. Wellington, | and I'm not leaving until I see him.
- Allow me to speak to Mr. Wellington. | - Yes, you let him know I'm here.
- Mr. Sklar, sir? | - Yeah, Cisco?
It's, uh, Miss Jenkins again, sir. | She insists on seeing Mr. Wellington.
I'm sorry to bust in like this. | Well, actually I'm not.
That's her. | That's the girl.
Hey, remember me?
On the bike. | Run over?
No, that's allright, Miss Jenkins.
So, what can we do for you?
Well, I just wanted to say | that I think you should be arrested.
Holy crap.
What you're planning to do to the | Brooklyn Community Hospital is criminal.
Oh, so you mean that-
You throw those words around like that. | "Arrested. " It kind of hit me.
That really- Ooh!
I don't think there's | anything funny about this.
I work at the Brooklyn | Community Hospital.
It's the only public | health facility in the area,
and your company just bought it.
I know that hospital. | My uncle went there for a new liver.
They sent his ass | to the supermarket.
If this hospital goes private, | the people who depend on us...
won't have any place to turn.
That's awful. I think | you should take that up...
with Mr. Wellington | at his business office.
I've tried that. | I've been there at least 20 times.
I've made 200phone calls, | and Mr. Wellington seems to never be in,
so I decided to visit him | at his home.
He's unavailable, | I guarantee you.
If he's unavailable now, I'll just | wait here until he is available.
- I'm afraid you can't. | - Yes, I can.
Would you like to call the police | and have me arrested?
- I'm sure the press'll be interested. | - No, no, no. Let's don't.
- Let's don't even- | - I thought so.
Hey, King, if I take | this Wellington guy's body,
could I help her out?
- You got the hots for her. | - You tryin' to sell me a body, right?
- Well, let's see it. | - Okay.
Would you stop it?
This ain't Star Trek. | I'm used to walking.
Lance Barton, | Charles Wellington.
Mr. Wellington, | please, don't get up.
Damn, he's dead!
Yep. Nice bathtub.
So if I take his body, | I'm gonna look like that, right?
I can't go to the Apollo | in that body.
- How can I get laughs lookin' like him? | - He looks funny to me.
I already get booed. Do I really need | to get beat down on top of it?
You want to meet the girl, | you gotta take the body.
Any moment someone'll discover it, | and it'll be too late.
Does it have to be for good?
Could I just be him while you | find me a better body?
- You mean, take the body on loan? | - Mm-hmm.
Normally, I have | a problem with that,
it's a deal.
Mr. Wellington, there's | a Miss Sontee Jenkins here to see you.
Still bathing, are we?
We don't want our fingers | to go all pruney.
Hey, it worked!
What? You weren't sure | it would work?
Relax, I read the manual.
Hey, I still look like me.
You are you.
I thought you said | I was Wellington.
- You are Wellington. | - Well, thanks for clearin' that up.
Look, Lance, | to everyone else...
you look like Wellington, | you sound like Wellington,
you even smell like Wellington.
But you see yourself.
Simple, huh?
Mr. Wellington, everything allright?
Go ahead. You can answer him. | Go ahead.
- Everything's cool. | - Not too cool, I hope.
No, everything is all right.
Now, they're gonna see Wellington, | not some brother in his clothes.
'Cause I don't feel | like gettin' shot today.
- You'll be all right. | - All right.
So, you the butler?
Yes, sir. | Uh, me- me the butler.
So you do all the butlerin' | around here.
Yes, indeed, sir.
Whose butler are you?
Your butler, sir.
You're my butler.
Don't cheat on me, now.
If I see you butlerin' for | somebody else, I'm gonna kill him.
And who am I?
You- You, sir?
You Mr. Wellington?
- Who am I? | - Mr. Wellington.
You're damn right I'm Wellington. | Yes! I got a body!
I got a body! | I got a body!
You certainly have. | Would you care to get dressed now, sir?
Go ahead, Lance, | take that corpse for a spin.
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"Down to Earth" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 31 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/down_to_earth_7192>.
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