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Down to Earth Page #3
So where does he keep- | Where do I keep my clothes?
In the closet, sir.
I'm goin' to the closet. | I got a body!
I got a body! | Let's go to the closet!
Let's do this! | Peace out!
Yeah, I'm Wellington!
I'm Wellington
I'm Wellington
Yeah. You better recognize.
I know who you are, | you cheap bastard.
Tiger Woods, y'all. | Tiger Woods, y'all.
Tiger, Tiger, Tiger, | Tiger, Tiger Woods, y'all.
Hey, Tiger Woods, y'all.
- Hi, darling. | - I'll deal with you two later.
How ya doin'? | I'm Charles Wellington,
the 15th richest man in America.
I know who you are.
Would you guys | give us some privacy?
Yeah. Yeah.
That looks uncomfortable. | Could I help you out?
No, I don't need your help. | You have been avoiding me for weeks,
and you're gonna listen to | exactly what I have to say.
- Me? | - I am talking about people's lives here.
Sick people, poor people. The kind | of people you care nothing about.
These people are going to be | in desperate trouble...
ifyou sell them out from the only place | they can go when they need help.
See you later, Lance. I'll get Keyes | workin' on a new body. Good luck.
- Hey, but- | - But nothing!
Do you know that we are the only county | hospital in that part of Brooklyn?
And you chose there | of all places...
to privatize and kick sick, broke | people out on their behinds.
- What kind of man are you? | - It sounds like I'm an a**hole.
- You think this is a joke? | - No, I do not think this is a joke.
This is a joke. | A prostitute and a card dealer go-
- Forget it. | - You know what?
I know all about your board | of directors meeting on Monday.
Really?
- The one that's closed to the public. | - I'm glad you told me.
Now I gotta get a haircut | and maybe buy some Gators.
You better get real serious by then, | 'cause I'm gonna be there.
And I'm gonna bring | every television camera,
every news reporter, | every microphone I can find.
Fine. We'll make a party of it. I bring | some friends, you bring some friends.
We'll get some chips | and dip, a deejay.
And we- You know, | we get on this hospital thing.
This meeting is over, | Mr. Wellington. Good-bye.
Hey, I'm serious. I'm- | I'm not jokin'. I'm- I'm- I-
Is something wrong?
I lost the keys | to the handcuffs.
Didn't your mama tell you | to carry an extra handcuff key?
Okay, okay. You know what? | I'm just playin' with you.
I'm gonna look for the key. | It's not up there.
It's not there.
Uh, there it is. | Nope. Roach.
There you go. Got it.
You know what I got | right here?
I got your freedom.
I'm just playin'. | Let me get it.
Don't worry. Gotcha.
See? Everything's all right.
Um, thankyou,
bastard.
I was just playin'.
I don't know what happened. I put the | pills in his drink. I saw him drink it.
I'll tell you what happened. | Ya blew it!
You ruined us! You- You idiot! | You incompetent moron!
- You b*tch. | - You retard.
- Rich b*tch. | - Oh, yeah.
You fat, old b*tch.
Now we're talkin'.
- Oh, God. | - Oh, yeah.
Honey, I'm home.
You want to put a little, | uh, English right on the top-
I just want to say that | I know y'all tried to kill me.
Darling, that's ridiculous.
From what I hear, | I'm kind of an a**hole.
So I figure we're even.
I was an a**hole, | y'all tried to kill me.
- Don't know what you're talkin' about. | - Come on.
I know you tried to kill me.
So, let's just move on.
I mean, we're adults. | So what? You tried to kill me.
But we're never gonna have | A good relationship till you admit it.
Okay, we tried to kill you.
Gotcha! Police! | Police, here they are!
Okay, okay, I'm sorry.
Just playin'. | I'm not gonna tell anybody.
But I do need a favor. Do you know how | To get in touch with Sontee Jenkins?
Uh, no, but we can find out.
Should I call | our usual problem solvers?
Maybe if they pay a little visit | to her home, she'll change her tune.
Does she have a dog? We could | get her a dog. We could kill it.
Look, I don't have a problem with | Sontee Jenkins. I want to ask her out.
- Oh. | - Oh,
- Oh. | - Charles!
Don't "oh, Charles" me. You were gettin' | ready to have sex on the pool table.
You've got an eight ball | in your ass.
Now, there's where you're wrong.
We were just, um- This isn't level, | and we were trying to-
Do me a favor. Keep waxin' that ass. | Keep her off mine.
Waxing it? | What does that mean?
Mmm?
How do you get this thing | to change channels?
How do you get MTV?
How
Showtime.
Playboy.
Hey!
- BET. | - Not available.
Not available.
Descending to staff level.
Let me tell you, | baking soda'll get that right out.
Does any TV in this house get BET?
BET, Mr. Wellington?
You know, BET- | Black Entertainment Television.
No, I know what BET is.
Yeah.
Do you guys mind if I went | and watched some TV?
Not at all, Mr. Wellington.
This is your house. Enjoy.
Thanks a lot. | Take care.
Thank you, Mr. Wellington, | you jungle fever havin' bastard.
What, it's not enough he bosses | my ass around upstairs?
Now he got to come down here | and watch my little TV.
I tell you what, if he asks me | to change the channel,
I'm gonna cut his ass.
Uh, Wanda?
Yes, Mr. Wellington?
You don't like me, do you?
Oh, no, | I like you just fine, sir.
She can't stand your ass. | You should hear her all the time.
"I hate Wellington. | Boy, I hope he drops dead.
- Mm-hmm. | - "Wellington stupido.
- Wellington cheapo. Wellington assholo. " | - Mmm?
Sir, it's just disrespectful.
I understand, really. | If I was you, I would hate me too.
I tell you what I'm gonna do. | Startin' next week,
both of you get a 200%% raise.
Are you happy?
I'm ecstatic.
Good. Take care.
I'll believe that bullshit | when I see my check.
Allright. | Here we go now. Come on, baby.
Aw, for Christ's sake. You gotta | hit that. It's a wide-open three.
Come in.
Mr. Wellington, sir.
Anything I can do for you? | I didn't hear the bell.
Is there anybody else in here?
I don't believe so, sir, no.
You're not from England, are you?
Uh, of course I am, sir. | I'm from- from London.
I was born in Fulham, sir. | A stone's throw from the river Thames.
My father was a gentleman's gentleman, | and I am a gentleman's gentleman.
I was right outside the door. | I heard you.
I know what you do. | You put on this fake accent...
just to make the rich folks | feel comfortable.
Pretty good scam. | So where are you really from?
I'm from Scarsdale. | Aw, crap. Am I fired?
Certainly, sir. | Would you like me to change the channel?
Drop the accent. | "Would you like me to change the-"
Just be yourself.
Okay, uh, do you- Do you want a beer?
You know what? Let me get it. | You worked all day.
You got any Rheingolds?
Okay, and the excitement is building | as the second amateur spot...
for the final Apollo show | has been awarded to comedian Joe Guy.
Now stay tuned | For the Brian McKnight-a-thon.
- Where you goin', uh, sir? | - I gotta go work on my material.
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"Down to Earth" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 31 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/down_to_earth_7192>.
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