Down to Earth Page #3

So where does he keep- | Where do I keep my clothes?

In the closet, sir.

I'm goin' to the closet. | I got a body!

I got a body! | Let's go to the closet!

Let's do this! | Peace out!

Yeah, I'm Wellington!

I'm Wellington

I'm Wellington

Yeah. You better recognize.

I know who you are, | you cheap bastard.

Tiger Woods, y'all. | Tiger Woods, y'all.

Tiger, Tiger, Tiger, | Tiger, Tiger Woods, y'all.

Hey, Tiger Woods, y'all.

- Hi, darling. | - I'll deal with you two later.

How ya doin'? | I'm Charles Wellington,

the 15th richest man in America.

I know who you are.

Would you guys | give us some privacy?

Yeah. Yeah.

That looks uncomfortable. | Could I help you out?

No, I don't need your help. | You have been avoiding me for weeks,

and you're gonna listen to | exactly what I have to say.

- Me? | - I am talking about people's lives here.

Sick people, poor people. The kind | of people you care nothing about.

These people are going to be | in desperate trouble...

ifyou sell them out from the only place | they can go when they need help.

See you later, Lance. I'll get Keyes | workin' on a new body. Good luck.

- Hey, but- | - But nothing!

Do you know that we are the only county | hospital in that part of Brooklyn?

And you chose there | of all places...

to privatize and kick sick, broke | people out on their behinds.

- What kind of man are you? | - It sounds like I'm an a**hole.

- You think this is a joke? | - No, I do not think this is a joke.

This is a joke. | A prostitute and a card dealer go-

- Forget it. | - You know what?

I know all about your board | of directors meeting on Monday.

Really?

- The one that's closed to the public. | - I'm glad you told me.

Now I gotta get a haircut | and maybe buy some Gators.

You better get real serious by then, | 'cause I'm gonna be there.

And I'm gonna bring | every television camera,

every news reporter, | every microphone I can find.

Fine. We'll make a party of it. I bring | some friends, you bring some friends.

We'll get some chips | and dip, a deejay.

And we- You know, | we get on this hospital thing.

This meeting is over, | Mr. Wellington. Good-bye.

Hey, I'm serious. I'm- | I'm not jokin'. I'm- I'm- I-

Is something wrong?

I lost the keys | to the handcuffs.

Didn't your mama tell you | to carry an extra handcuff key?

Okay, okay. You know what? | I'm just playin' with you.

I'm gonna look for the key. | It's not up there.

It's not there.

Uh, there it is. | Nope. Roach.

There you go. Got it.

You know what I got | right here?

I got your freedom.

I'm just playin'. | Let me get it.

Don't worry. Gotcha.

See? Everything's all right.

Um, thankyou,

bastard.

I was just playin'.

I don't know what happened. I put the | pills in his drink. I saw him drink it.

I'll tell you what happened. | Ya blew it!

You ruined us! You- You idiot! | You incompetent moron!

- You b*tch. | - You retard.

- Rich b*tch. | - Oh, yeah.

You fat, old b*tch.

Now we're talkin'.

- Oh, God. | - Oh, yeah.

Honey, I'm home.

You want to put a little, | uh, English right on the top-

I just want to say that | I know y'all tried to kill me.

Darling, that's ridiculous.

From what I hear, | I'm kind of an a**hole.

So I figure we're even.

I was an a**hole, | y'all tried to kill me.

- Don't know what you're talkin' about. | - Come on.

I know you tried to kill me.

So, let's just move on.

I mean, we're adults. | So what? You tried to kill me.

But we're never gonna have | A good relationship till you admit it.

Okay, we tried to kill you.

Gotcha! Police! | Police, here they are!

Okay, okay, I'm sorry.

Just playin'. | I'm not gonna tell anybody.

But I do need a favor. Do you know how | To get in touch with Sontee Jenkins?

Uh, no, but we can find out.

Should I call | our usual problem solvers?

Maybe if they pay a little visit | to her home, she'll change her tune.

Does she have a dog? We could | get her a dog. We could kill it.

Look, I don't have a problem with | Sontee Jenkins. I want to ask her out.

- Oh. | - Oh,

- Oh. | - Charles!

Don't "oh, Charles" me. You were gettin' | ready to have sex on the pool table.

You've got an eight ball | in your ass.

Now, there's where you're wrong.

We were just, um- This isn't level, | and we were trying to-

Do me a favor. Keep waxin' that ass. | Keep her off mine.

Waxing it? | What does that mean?

Mmm?

How do you get this thing | to change channels?

How do you get MTV?

How

Showtime.

Playboy.

Hey!

- BET. | - Not available.

Not available.

Descending to staff level.

Let me tell you, | baking soda'll get that right out.

Does any TV in this house get BET?

BET, Mr. Wellington?

You know, BET- | Black Entertainment Television.

No, I know what BET is.

You wanna watch BET?

Yeah.

Do you guys mind if I went | and watched some TV?

Not at all, Mr. Wellington.

This is your house. Enjoy.

Thanks a lot. | Take care.

Thank you, Mr. Wellington, | you jungle fever havin' bastard.

What, it's not enough he bosses | my ass around upstairs?

Now he got to come down here | and watch my little TV.

I tell you what, if he asks me | to change the channel,

I'm gonna cut his ass.

Uh, Wanda?

Yes, Mr. Wellington?

You don't like me, do you?

Oh, no, | I like you just fine, sir.

She can't stand your ass. | You should hear her all the time.

"I hate Wellington. | Boy, I hope he drops dead.

- Mm-hmm. | - "Wellington stupido.

- Wellington cheapo. Wellington assholo. " | - Mmm?

Sir, it's just disrespectful.

I understand, really. | If I was you, I would hate me too.

I tell you what I'm gonna do. | Startin' next week,

both of you get a 200%% raise.

Are you happy?

I'm ecstatic.

Good. Take care.

I'll believe that bullshit | when I see my check.

Allright. | Here we go now. Come on, baby.

Aw, for Christ's sake. You gotta | hit that. It's a wide-open three.

Come in.

Mr. Wellington, sir.

Anything I can do for you? | I didn't hear the bell.

Is there anybody else in here?

I don't believe so, sir, no.

You're not from England, are you?

Uh, of course I am, sir. | I'm from- from London.

I was born in Fulham, sir. | A stone's throw from the river Thames.

My father was a gentleman's gentleman, | and I am a gentleman's gentleman.

I was right outside the door. | I heard you.

I know what you do. | You put on this fake accent...

just to make the rich folks | feel comfortable.

Pretty good scam. | So where are you really from?

I'm from Scarsdale. | Aw, crap. Am I fired?

Certainly, sir. | Would you like me to change the channel?

Drop the accent. | "Would you like me to change the-"

Just be yourself.

Okay, uh, do you- Do you want a beer?

You know what? Let me get it. | You worked all day.

You got any Rheingolds?

Okay, and the excitement is building | as the second amateur spot...

for the final Apollo show | has been awarded to comedian Joe Guy.

Now stay tuned | For the Brian McKnight-a-thon.

- Where you goin', uh, sir? | - I gotta go work on my material.

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