Down to Earth Page #7

Then we brought 'em back to the hotel, | hung out with 'em, fell asleep.

When we woke up, | what did we find out?

They robbed us!

Yeah, man! They-

Booey!

Yeah! Whoo!

- Th-This is impossible. | - What's so impossible about it?

You been going to church | your whole life.

You've been putting money | in the collection plate every week.

This is just | your tax dollars at work.

Wait a minute. God-

What's God like? | Does He have a sense of humor?

I haven't met God, | but the devil got some good weed.

I'm just joking.

Just playin', man.

I haven't even met him yet, | but I met this guy, Mr. King.

- He's kind of like the manager up there. | - Manager? Wait-

Lance. Just because you built | a comedy club in your own home,

it doesn't mean | you can pull this off.

You gotta work your material | in front of a real audience.

I got an audience. | You heard me gettin' laughs.

You ain't my type | but I think I like you

Doin' just fine | but I think I like you

You ain't the right height | but I think I like you

Wasn't love at first sight | but I think I like you

They say you're kinda rude | but I think I like you

I don't like your crew | but I think I like you

What else do we got?

"Your mother has so much hair | under her arms,

it looks like she has | Buckwheat in a headlock. "

I don't know why | but I think I like you

You ain't my type | but I think I like you

You know what I like | about telling jokes? It's pure.

It's like Boxing 101. | You versus the audience.

It's not like music. | Nobody cares what you look like.

Nobody cares | what you're wearing.

People just want to know | If you're funny. Can you bring it?

And I just wanna go to the Apollo | and bring it one time.

What about that stuff | you were saying at the hospital?

People think that stuff every day, | but you never hear anybody say it.

- I was just talkin'. | - Yeah, but it worked.

- What do you mean, worked? | - It was funny.

Ooh-ooh

Shake ya ass | But watch yaself

Shake ya ass | Show me what you workin' with

Shakeya ass, but watch yaself | Shakeya ass

What's up, G?

Don't make me leave here | with my foot in your- Be cool

Welcome home, G.

What are you doing?

Backin' that ass up.

- Full grown German shepherd | - How about you and me knock boots?

Down | Y'all can't catch me

It's just, you know, I've noticed | lately you've been into the whole...

- Jet magazine thing and- | - Listen.

- I want a divorce. | - Is it because I tried to jack you?

No, no, no. It's got nothing | to do with you trying to jack me.

The truth is... | there's somebody else.

Oh. Ya got another ho.

Look, just divorce me.

You can have whatever you want. | I don't want it.

- Word? | - Word.

You know, you're | a great person inside.

And you need to get in touch | with the person inside.

And until you do that, | you need to stay... inside.

So take care, all right?

He's lost his mind.

Your next act, ladies and gentlemen.

He loves comedy so much, | he bought the whole damn club.

Please put your hands together | for Charles Wellington Ill.

- You all right? | - Yeah, I'm all right.

- You ready? | - I'm ready.

- How you feel? | - I feel good.

Great, 'cause they're here- | The judges from the Apollo.

Charles Wellington, | ladies and gentlemen.

How're you doin'? | All right.

When I was a kid, | we were so poor...

that the roaches | was on welfare.

Poor, my ass.

Get off the stage, you fake Bill Gates.

Yeah, we was real poor.

We were so poor...

that the rats had bald spots.

Crap. Cripitty-crap-crap.

I'm supposed to sit here and listen to | this crap just because you own the club?

Rich son of a b*tch.

- Oooh! | - That's comedy. That's comedy.

Drinks for everybody. | That, my friend, is comedy.

Allright?

Shut up before I crush you | with my wallet.

Ooh!

Bothering me on the job. | Do I come to your job and bother you?

Do I kick the squeegee | out your hand? No.

I leave it right there. | Let you get all the cars all day long.

I didn't always have money.

No, no, no. | When I was a kid, we really was poor.

My dad was the cheapest man on Earth. | My father's so cheap...

that when we went to bed, | he'd unplug the clocks.

"You can't tell time | when you asleep. "

And the last spot for | the Apollo's final show goes to...

millionaire Charles Wellington | from New York City.

And to make the night right, closing out | the show will be Brian McKnight.

Boy, I don't know | what got into that Wellington,

but I like him.

It was a long time ago.

Furis murder! Furis murder!

- Fur is murder! | - Furis murder!

- Furis murder! | - I'm gonna show you murder!

Don't be stingy.

Stick to the soft stuff. | You can gum it.

Kiss my ass.

I'm so glad we're giving | back to the community.

Put on the hat. Put it on.

So I still gotta get onstage | and not get booed off.

You're doin' pretty good.

- Thank you for the party. | - No problem, sickie.

You take care... | ya sick bastard.

See what you got here.

Damn, you're sick! | You're a sick man!

- Let's get this man a table dance! | - Yes, sir.

So will you marry me?

- What? | - Sontee,

I love lookin' at you; I love talking | to you; I love laughing with you.

You know, sometimes | when I can't find you,

I call your house just to listen | to your answering machine...

because I love your voice.

The cars, the money, all this stuff, | I'd give it all up just for you.

You know, today I changed the diaper | Of an 86-year-old man,

and I'd give it all up | just for you.

That's a big sacrifice.

Mr. Barton?

- What? | - Nothing.

- Hold that thought. | - Okay.

I'll be right back.

- I said hold that thought. | - Okay.

Keyes, what are you doing? Get outta | here. You're deathin' up the place.

Lance, you gotta come with me. | You can't stay in this body.

Can't you see I'm busy? | Go have yourself some ribs.

Hey, I'm not | the bad guy here!

Can I take | my hands down now?

Yes, you can take | your hands down.

So you really want | to get married?

I really want to get married. | Just look at me. You know I'm not lying.

I know.

There's something | about your eyes.

Sontee, I just want | to remember all of this.

I don't want you to forget me. | You're not gonna forget me, right?

- You act like something's gonna happen. | - Nothing's gonna happen.

I'm just saying, though, | If something did happen,

like... someday you met a guy-

It could be a black guy, | a white guy, a Spanish guy.

I mean, if he was sincere, | you'd give him a shot, right?

Wait a minute. | What are you talking about?

Everything's all right.

So you brought the big gun, huh?

You gotta play by the rules | like everybody else.

I played by the rules my whole life, | and I'm sick of it.

- From now on, I make the rules. | - No one makes these rules.

But you make all the mistakes.

Every time I get something | going, you take my body.

This was just a temporary setup. | The clock ran out.

I'm not scared of you, King. | I got lawyers now. I got money.

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