Down to Earth Page #6

Synopsis: It seems everyone is trying to get into heaven; at least those whose time is up. For Lance Barton, a struggling comedian and bicycle messenger, it's the last thing on his mind. His due date upstairs is 50 years away. In the meantime, he's got big dreams to pursue on Earth, such as landing a slot at the final Amateur Night Contest at the famed Apollo Theatre. Lance's has one little problem though - he ain't that funny. Thanks to an over-cautious emissary from heaven, Mr. Keyes, he's going to get hit (literally) with a much bigger problem. Showing that even God has difficulty finding good help these days, the inept minion mistakenly plucks Lance from a traffic accident - before it takes place. Transporting him to the Pearly Gates, or more accurately, the velvet roped-lines of the hottest club around, the error is finally addressed by Mr. King, the streetwise, no-nonsense head angel who manages the place from his plush windowed office. Since returning to his own body on Earth is impossibl
Genre: Comedy, Fantasy
Director(s): Chris Weitz, Paul Weitz
Production: Paramount Pictures
  3 nominations.
 
IMDB:
5.4
Metacritic:
32
Rotten Tomatoes:
20%
PG-13
Year:
2001
87 min
$63,095,559
Website
452 Views


For someone to love you

All you need | is someone who cares

For someone to love you

Someone who will always be there

Well, that was different | than what I thought it would be.

Different good | or different weird?

It was a little bit | of both, I think.

I guess you just didn't | seem like my type.

Not your type. | So, uh, what's your type look like?

It's not all about looks. I mean, | you don't have to be fine or anything.

I just kind of like a guy | with all of his teeth.

Well, that's a good rule. | That's a good rule.

I like a slim guy. | A guy with a goatee.

Nice eyes. | And he's gotta be funny.

Hmm.

I guess I don't have a chance.

- What's your type? | - My type?

I like my women | same way I like my coffee-

Puerto Rican.

- Just playin'. Just playin'. | - You watch it.

Oh, boy, here we are.

So, can I call you?

Well, let me ask you somethin'.

All that stuff you were sayin' | at the hospital,

were you just tryin' | to get with me?

At first, yeah.

Yeah, that's all | I could think about.

Then I remembered what you said. | "Do somethin' positive with your money. "

So I figure, you know, | I'm in this body, I might as well help.

I mean, if I get with you, great.

But if not, | at least somebody'll be happy.

You know what? | I- I better go.

Yeah. I guess I better be goin' too.

Yeah. I wonder | who the Knicks played.

I think they played | the Lakers or somebody-

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. W-Was I wrong?

No, it's- I knew you were | gonna try to kiss me tonight,

and I thought I'd be mad,

but I'm not.

It's- It's somethin' | about your eyes.

You know, the first kiss...

is always in the middle | of a sentence.

It's always like, "Yeah, | tomorrow I'm gonna go to the zoo,

because I got this whole thing | with orangutans, and I just-"

Or...

it could be like, um, "Did you hear | about that new war in Russia?

I heard they were gonna-"

So I can call you, right? | I mean, just to talk.

No nasty talk or anything. Unless | that's what you're into, then, hey!

Good night.

Yes! Yes!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

- My baby! My baby! | - Yes!

- Oh! | - Yes! Yes!

Yes, yes!

Yes! Yes! Yes, yes!

Oh, no | That's how Ruff Ryders roll

- Niggas wanna try, niggas wanna lie | - What, what

Then niggas wonder why | niggas wanna die

Yes! Yes!

Get off my foot, b*tch!

- Okay, let's go. | - Hey! Don't sneak up on me like that.

What are you, The Great Gazoo?

Sorry. Hi. How are you? | I got a new body for you.

I don't need the body anymore. | This one's just fine.

We have about one minute to get you | into this truly fabulous corpse.

Hey, I'm cool with Wellington.

You know why? | 'Cause Sontee's cool with Wellington.

I just waited through Ol' Dirty Bastard, | Mystikal and Silkk the Shocker for you.

Keeping this body | is not an option,

regardless of whether | you're smitten with some girl.

It's not some girl. | It's the girl.

I mean, you got heaven, | But you don't got this, man.

She's fine. She's smart.

We like all the same stuff. | We hate all the same stuff.

She laughs at my stupid jokes.

And I don't have | to censor myself around her.

But you know what? She only knows me | as this guy Wellington.

So I don't want | to up and change now.

Lance, trust me, | it's better this way.

- Yo, money, gimme your wallet. | - One second.

Are you sure I won't die | for 40 years?

Are you sure I won't die | for 40 years?

- Technically, yes- | - Mother-

But this body's just a loaner! | Nobody listens to me.

Come on, man! Rob me! | Don't run! I got money! You bad!

What does that mean, he wants to be | more involved with running the company?

It means, uh... | he wants to be more involved...

with, uh, running... the company.

I thought you had him | under control.

I do. I mean, I did. I don't | really know where this came from.

It's like he's gone crazy.

Maybe the fact you were shtupping | his wife changed his attitude a little.

There's really no need | to get, uh, personal.

I'll tell you | what I take personally:

the statement, "What if | we lose a few million dollars?"

I didn't get into | this business to lose money.

Do you think this goody-two-shoes crap | that Wellington's been spewing...

extends to, say, auditing | the company's finances?

- Jesus, I hope not. | - Blah, blah, blah. Let's just kill him.

What are you laughing about?

Winston, do you want to take | the lead on this one?

Cisco, you know what I need you to do?

I need you to get in contact | with a man named Whitney Daniels.

He lives on 104th and Lennox. | Tell him I need to talk to him.

Uh-

Pretty sweet, huh? | Up here, Mr. Daniels.

Entering second floor.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. | I saw this girl the other day.

She was ugly.

She's so ugly, she's talkin' about | give her a booty call.

I said, "Girl, you so ugly, | I'm gonna give you a zootie call. "

What the hell do you think you're | doing here, huh? This isn't your act.

Calm down. Hey, hey, hey! | Everybody, Whitney Daniels!

Shut up!

You guys have been great, but we're | gonna take a little break right now.

All right. Come on, everybody. | Let's get back to work.

Come on.

What the hell is going on here?

I know it looks kind of crazy, | but if I'm gonna get...

an amateur spots at the Apollo, | I'm gonna need a place to work out.

Y- You wanna do one of | the amateur spots at the Apollo?

You?

What do you do, | have your butlers...

hang around comedy clubs | and steal people's acts?

- You think my act is stolen? | - I know it is.

Personally, I would have | stolen some better material.

But the kid who wrote it, | he used to work it pretty well and-

Two Rheingolds comin' at ya.

Thanks a lot, Cisco.

Damn, you took everything | from the kid, huh?

Don't tell me that Rheingold | is all you can afford, Mr. Wellington.

Whit, I didn't steal anything.

I just want to play the Apollo. You're | the only man who can help me do it.

No. I'm out | of the comedy business.

Last person | I was gonna help is dead.

But, anyway, | he was a special case.

Really? | What was so special about him?

About him? Nothin', really, | ifyou want to know.

He didn't have much talent to speak of.

But no matter | how bad it went-

and, believe me, sometimes | it went really bad-

he wanted to get back onstage.

He was a good kid.

And I wanted to be there | when things got good for him, but-

Thanks for the beer.

Whitney, it's me- Lance.

Uh- I got hit by a truck,

and I went up to heaven, | and they took my body quick.

And I'm in heaven, | and it's all blue.

And this guy- | And then the other guy, Mr. King,

he looked like Ricky Ricardo and-

I don't know if it's drugs you're takin' | or drugs you need to be takin',

but do something.

Whitney, remember when we did | that gig in Atlantic City?

They were supposed to pay us 500, | but they only gave us 250.

And we got real drunk | and hung out with these two girls.

We got so drunk, we thought | they was transvestites.

Turns out they weren't | transvestites.

They were just | two real ugly girls.

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Chris Rock

Christopher Julius Rock is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, producer and director. After working as a stand-up comedian and appearing in supporting film roles, Rock came to wider prominence as a cast member of Saturday Night Live in the early 1990s. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Down to Earth" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 22 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/down_to_earth_7192>.

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