Downtime Page #2

When was the last time you

and I asked someone out?

Forecast says rain later on.

So why don't you pack up now

and go and see her?

I don't mind a bit of rain.

Well I'm off if it rains again.

Listen, Mike, if it hadn't have

rained yesterday...

I think you'd have had 2 more dead

to add to your statistics.

She was gonna go!

It's just, it's just when it rains

you think...

"My perm's gone, I need a bath,

I think I'll kill myself tomorrow.

I survive because I do not struggle

against the water's superior power."

I think the general gist of that is...

when it rains wise men pack up

and go home.

Go and ask her for a date.

Take a little gift.

And then meet me in the Pike

and Reel for a celebration.

I bet you have a great time.

F*** off!

- I haven't said anything yet.

- I said f*** off, copper!

Chrissy, I'm not the police.

I've not been with the force

for 3 years now.

Then who the f*** are yer?

Well, I occasionally work for them nowadays.

Sort of psychological and cultural consultant.

- I help in hostage situations...

- Loony situations!

- No, well, I mean...

- Look, look, mam.

No, it's more the sociology of the environmental that

I tend to...

- Oh, so you study us like poor people?

- No!

Well, tell me, copper...

what would you say if it was

a middle class situation, eh?

Do you say, "Go on, shoot,

I haven't studied you yet".

"Jump, I don't understand you

properly".

Cos that's what you did to me.

Aye, you may as well've

for all you did after I fell.

I'm sorry, all right?

I came, I came to say I'm sorry.

I get, I was scared. I get scared

in those situations!

I shouldn't have even been

doing the job in the first place.

But is it so unreasonable to leave

helping you to somebody else?

Well, yes!

Cos, like, everyone else

who comes here...

basically you were just looking

after yourself!

Goodbye.

Bye!

Come on, come on, Jake.

Pat!

Pat, are you going home?

Rosey, I'm off home.

You'll have to walk up

to the next floor, Pat.

You'll have to walk up to the next floor,

Pat. I won't stop here.

I'm getting the stairs, Rosey.

Come on you.

Hey you.

Hi ya. You okay?

- Wet.

- Go through to the bedroom.

- You okay, baby?

- No. I don't want to be wet.

You're all wet!

- Hey.

- Hey.

F***ing hell, Jan.

Are you okay?

When was it, last night?

Not after the radio?

F***ing bastards.

F***ing bastards!

Nearly all our clothes.

And all Jimmy's shoes.

He's only got his slippers left.

I just can't afford any new ones.

It's getting worse, Rosey.

Look.

He got it this morning.

He just got up and got it...

f*** knows where.

And old mate from one of the sites,

I don't know.

I swear, Rosey, if it happens again...

he'll shoot them.

- I won't tell you again, Kevin.

- Aye, man.

Where have you been?

Your mother's waited half an hour

to serve your dinner for yer.

- Where have you been?

- You can have me dinner!

I don't want your dinner!

You'll eat with us!

- It's okay, pet, we'll save it.

- But it's not okay, is it?

Because, look, he's banged the door

and the picture's gone crooked again.

That's the last time!

You understand now?

Great!

Where have you been?

This morning, eh?

Look, man, Jimmy.

We can move the picture.

We won't!

- Where have you been?

- I'm going out in a minute!

I don't care.

Where have you been?

- Jimmy.

- Leave it, pet!

- Look, we can fix it.

- We won't fix it!

It'll stay there and he'll

stop banging the door!

And he'll eat his dinner with us.

And he'll get out

and he'll get a f***ing job!

Where d'you want me, man?

In the house or out the house?

I want you out the house and earning.

What? Like you?

Kev, man, head on.

Kev, man, the lift.

Look, they don't stop here.

The doors are f***ed on both of them.

You all right?

What are you thinking about?

That... bloke.

No... nothing.

You better get yourself back.

He saved your life, Rosey.

Yeah. And what sort of life is it?

- Chrissy, please, just hear me.

- F*** off!

Oh jeez, Chrissy, I came to apologize.

Jesus Christ!

Chrissy, I've had enough now.

- This is gonna need something.

- What about a glass of milk?

- Milk?

- It's got calcium for the bones.

Well, it's more of a long-term

answer, really.

I've got some Dettol.

Shall I put some on?

- No, I don't like doing that.

- No, I'll do it.

Yeah, but you don't have to live

with the pain though, do you?

Listen, Chrissy. I do know

what it's like to feel like sh*t. Okay?

I lost a son asthma attack.

because she couldn't stand

the thought

that another of her children would

catch asthma from their daddy.

F*** off!

What's this, a competition to see

who's had the most depressing life?

Right... well, okay.

When I was 12,

I used to hear me mother's cries

as my daddy beat her up at nights.

How's that?

Your turn again.

What?

I don't want to argue with you.

I don't believe in fighting fire with fire.

- Why did you come back here?

- Why did you let me in?

Cos you'd hurt yourself.

I didn't wanna see yer.

You came round.

I'm going out!

Going out, that's, that's why

I came back!

Will you go out with me?

- What?

- On a, on a date.

You know, a meal or something.

Jeez, I don't know.

Look, I let you in,

I helped you with your hand.

I don't need your f***ing pity in return!

Pat, where are you going?

Rosey, my girl,

I'm taking the stairs this time.

- No, look, you don't understand.

- Pat!

I'm not some single mother

who was dumped on by the guy.

I decided not to marry him because

unlike most of the girls at the factory...

I could see the difference between a wedding and a

marriage, all right?

Pat, where are you going?

- I'm buying peas today.

- Jesus. Fine.

I didn't mean it like that.

- Don't swear in front of the bairn.

- What?

Don't swear in front of me kid.

Pat, Pat, not by the stairs, man.

In the lift this time. It's coming.

How can you say that?

Every time I come here you

tell me to f*** off!

A 'f***' is not religious, is it?

Not like 'Christ' or 'Jesus'.

I don't take the Lord's name,

do l, like you?

Pat, you know you can't manage

all those stairs any more.

In the lift this time with me.

Will you stop standing there

and staring at us

as if it stops me shouting at yer.

No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

I'm so sorry, sorry.

I'm, I'm actually genuinely surprised.

I hadn't realized you were religious.

Oh yeah, I was very young

when I fund Jesus in my life.

I found him hiding underneath a pew

when I was 4.

Except, of course, he wasn't Jesus...

he was just an old, purple handkerchief.

I was a very bored kid

with a hyperactive little mind.

Pat, go on.

Yeah? Are you coming?

To the shop, on a date?

All right.

Only if you let me buy you a milk.

Don't do this.

What the f*** did you do that for?

You better at pushing little

f***ing buttons, are you?

Great looking f***ing Madonna

look alike, all right?

So I give it all the lines, then

she goes "f*** off you wanker".

F*** off you wanker!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes