Downtime Page #5

- Oh, sh*t!

It's wet!

And Kevin's not bad, he just needs

a bit of help right now.

He's gotta get work, Jan.

Stop being like a kid.

Start acting like a man.

Aye well, the way things are

in life at the minute, Jim...

being a man just seems

about not being a woman.

And you're doing the f***ing

shopping in your slippers,

so I wouldn't make too much of it,

all right?

- So what do we do now?

- I don't know. Wait.

Someone's got to come.

Maybe they'll call the other lift.

- Where's your watch?

- l, fell off.

I bet you're glad you came

with me now, aren't you?

If we get out of this...

will you

come on a proper date with me?

At ground level.

Rob man.

We're not even opposites

you and me, you know?

We're like, completely different concepts, like.

We're like... chalk and ginormous.

You can't bring 2 things together

from such different worlds.

Of course you can. Have you never

heard of the birds and the bees?

You know, Mr Bird and Mrs Bee

love each other very much and...

well they... and this is

how we get the hummingbird.

No, Rob, this is

how we get sore bees.

Is this really why kept

on coming back?

To ask us out?

I can't say really, you were

in my head I suppose.

You know, I wanted to be

your knight in shining armour.

Climbing up the tower.

You know, yeah, your knight,

your prince, your king.

Well, wounded king.

Listen.

- What I can't hear anything.

- Exactly.

It's quiet.

In my throat, it's quiet.

What does that mean?

Oh f***, don't worry me like this.

What does that mean?

It means...

that I should be

getting to a nebulizer.

A what? What the f*** is that?

It, it, a hospital. It's just a hospital.

Well how?

There's no-one sodding here.

What you doing? What, what,

what, what are you doing? What?

Right. I'm gonna get on

the roof of the other lift.

I'll use that control thingy to

take us up to the open doors.

No, no, no, no, no you're not.

No you're not.

Yes. If the alternative is

you dying on me I am.

Yeah, you're right.

I'll hold your cardi.

No, you got a much more

important thing to do for me.

Look after Jake.

He's all I've got.

Okay, all right.

Hey, hang on.

Mum.

Okay, darling.

I'm gonna be talking

to you all the way down. Okay.

- Jake.

- Yes?

There was once a little cornflake

who was very sad and weak.

Because he only had one lung.

And so cornflakes being

the stupid bastards

they are sent him to the bottom of

the packet where he couldn't breathe.

And so the little cornflake

had to start all over again.

Go up to the top of the packet...

but just as he got

to the top of the packet

some sod took the packet off

the shelf and put it in a lorry.

And the little cornflake

he had to start all over again.

He was very, very out of breath.

He didn't know

if he was gonna make it.

And then just as he got to the top

they unloaded the shopping

on to the shelf.

Oh, the little cornflake,

he thought he was gonna die.

But he kept on climbing,

and just as he got to the top...

someone, someone took him

off the shelf. Opened the packet

and all the cornflakes started

falling into the bowl.

And I'll have to tell you the rest

next week cos it's a serial.

F***!

F***, that hurts!

- What have you done?

- I can't...

I can't move,

move my hand.

- Rob, you'll have to help me!

- I can't. I can't.

Rob. Please get me out of this.

Okay. Okay, we're gonna try.

Here's what we're gonna do.

We've had reports of a fire

at Armstrong House.

Smoke has been spotted on the roof.

The Fire Brigade have been alerted.

Any cars in the vicinity?

3461 I'm nearby.

Be there as soon as I can.

Okay, just hold on. Hold on.

And squeeze.

No, no, no, don't squeeze.

- Hurry up!

- We're coming!

Ready? Steady.

Okay. All right,

Chrissy, we're coming.

Just hold on tight, son.

That's a good boy.

- I'm coming, mum.

- That's good, darling, well done.

It's okay.

Are you holing on tight, son?

You just hold on tight

that's a good boy. Good boy.

- Mum!

- Mummy's here, darling.

All free vehicles this is

a priority to Armstrong House.

You hold on tight, son.

You're nearly there.

Nearly there, darling.

Oh, sh*t.

- Oh, sh*t.

- What?

It's loosening.

- It's coming undone.

- What?

Jake, hold on. Hold on!

- Jake. Jake!

- Jake, hold on tight. Hold on!

Hold on, Jake!

- Jake!

- Mum!

- Chrissy, he's gonna drop!

- No!

Chrissy!

He's gonna drop!

- Jake, hold on!

- Mum!

He's gonna drop!

He's gonna drop!

Rob, if this lift goes too far,

we're dead.

No, stay!

- I'll stop the lift!

- How? Oh, God!

We're gonna die! Stop!

I'll call to 13.

Just hang on!

Who's there?

Hang on!

Hang on!

I'm nearly there.

Rob! Rob, you can't,

you can't stop it there.

Rob, Rob, is that you?

Stop. Stop. Stop.

Rob, are you there?

It's Mike!

- Oh, Jesus, it is.

- Mike! Stop lift now!

Stop!

I don't see how I can, Rob!

Hello!

Stop!

Stop!

No!

Oh, come on.

Jake.

I don't know, love, they want

to keep you in overnight.

For a night? Well, I'm gonna go and

have to get some clothes and stuff.

No, no, no, no.

We'll send somebody up there if you

tell 'em exactly what you want.

No, no you won't!

I can still walk you know.

Oh, sh*t!

Hold him a minute.

Jan. Jan.

Jan.

Miss Long.

- Jesus, Rosey, are you all right?

- Jan, it's Pat.

He's dead. I'm sorry, pet.

Oh, Jesus. Jesus.

- What happened?

- We're not entirely sure.

Apparently there was some

kind of accident with the lift.

The lift?

The lift. Yeah.

There was a fire involved.

Where it actually started

we don't really know.

- Miss Long.

- Aye, all right.

All right?

Are you gonna live?

Oh God, yeah. This is a nebulizer.

- Miss Long? We're setting off now.

- I'm talking, man.

So, who saved whose life this time?

Well I think, Mike saved us both.

So? So... do we say we had fun

or do we embarrass ourselves

with the truth?

Yeah, it was fun.

No, Rob. It wasn't.

I think he wants us to go.

- Where?

- Hospital.

Right.

- Bye.

- Right.

- I'll see ya.

- 'Bye.

Right.

I'm gonna get some clothes you can

come if you want or not, I don't care.

Jake, be a good boy.

Sam, go with her, will you?

Bloody woman.

Come in if you're coming.

Oh, they're beautiful.

From my husband...

Today?

- Yes.

- Oh, bad luck!

No, no, that you're in here. Not bad

luck for being married all that time.

- No, congratulations.

- Thank you.

I mean a wedding is such an important

rite of passage, isn't it?

I mean it's not... as dramatic as,

what they have in Madagascar.

Oh, no, no. Hi.

You okay?

- Who did it?

- What, pet?

Who killed him?

No one.

They said that Rosey did

everything she could.

- The poor thing's in hospital herself.

- Rosey?

What's happened?

You granddad died today, son.

I'm sorry.

Is he...

Are you okay?

I'll just...

- We should move this picture now.

- How did he die?

Get a new one of just us three.

The police think that he was in a lift

with you know, Rosey and a man.

And there was a fire

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