Dragnet Page #4

Must be every other stolen

police vehicle on our hot sheet.

We're onto something here.

You think so?

- I see school is out.

- Yeah.

All I can think of is 38 kids standing

individually on Ionely corners...

waiting for a bus

that will never come.

Put your goat leggings on

and try to blend in.

- Put it to sleep.

- Down, boys.

You have to admire their techniques

in crowd control.

Yeah. Cosy little group.

Just like your local Rotarians.

Listen, we get a little wild

at times, sure...

but nothing like this.

I'd say this is shaping up to be a

little more than a series of robberies.

"People against goodness and normalcy."

P-A-G-A-N.

Pagan.

Nice work, Joe.

Ah, here are two who have not yet

sipped the nectar of Shaitan.

Small surprise before

the ceremony starts?

Why not?

- You?

- I had a big lunch.

I, your High Priest...

of living Pagan perfection...

do call the name Gathool!

Do call the name Gathool!

Eelbazel!

Ignodrohoth!

Shaitan!

Shaitan! Shaitan! Shaitan!

Prepare the virgin.

"Prepare the virgin."

I don't like the sound of that.

Let's just hope

they're not referring to you.

With this bat...

I do consecrate.

With this bat, he does consecrate.

- The Madagascar Bat from the zoo.

- Good eye.

With this lion's mane...

I do consecrate.

With this lion's mane,

he does consecrate.

All that's missing is one humongous,

For the final touch

to our brew tonight...

a pristine virgin

in a gown of white.

Evil bringeth here our plea.

She's as pure as she can be.

White and clean as driven snow.

From Orange County, here we go!

Two to one, that's Enid Borden's

wedding dress.

Twenty to one, Enid Borden never looked

that beautiful on her wedding day.

Virgin! Virgin!

Virgin! Virgin!

- Friday!

- Let's move!

Help!

Can you swim?

Red Cross. Junior Lifesaver

with clusters.

Silly me.

- Friday!

- Streebek?

I found the snake.

Help! Help!

- Help!

- Hang in there. I'm coming.

What goes on?

Who are those two clowns?

Who are you?

Friday, Streebek,

Los Angeles police officers.

- Where are you from?

- Anaheim.

Her favourite colour is blue.

Jesus Christ! I'm about to be eaten!

Some big guys grabbed me

off the street last night.

- Were you sexually assaulted?

- No, thank God. They needed a virgin.

You're still a virgin?

My hat's off to you, ma'am.

Hope you stay that way.

Streebek, quick! Do something.

It's constricting.

Distract it.

Anybody need boots?

Stop them!

Go!

Kill the good! Kill the good!

Kill the good! Kill the good!

Kill the good! Kill the good!

Kill the good! Kill the good!

Kill the good!

You are under arrest.

You can remain silent.

If you waive that right, anything you

say can and will be used against you.

For crying out loud!

How come his is so much bigger

than yours?

- Miss?

- The gun.

I've never needed more.

Come on, Joe!

Gosh! I'm terribly sorry!

Our car! We can steal it back.

Right.

I'll drive.

Forget it. We're responsible

for a civilian's safety.

And frankly, you don't belong

behind the wheel of a car.

Hang on and keep your head down.

Good driving!

Yes, you were wonderful.

Excuse me, miss.

I never did catch your name.

Swail. Connie Swail.

- Your name is Friday?

- Joe.

Joe.

Joe.

Pep.

Pep Streebek.

Glad to meet you.

You certainly have

a beautiful home, Miss Swail.

You bet. Can the Beaver

come out and play?

- Good night.

- Good night.

Will I ever see you again, Joe?

Absolutely.

You're our main witness.

We'd like you to come downtown,

take a look at the mug books...

see if you can make a positive I.D.

On the man you saw.

I'll have a policewoman come here

tonight, keep an eye on the house...

and bring you downtown

to Parker Center tomorrow.

Here's my card.

You'll be needed

for further questioning.

I don't know why, but...

somehow I feel

I could tell you anything, Joe.

Friday, January 9, 3:12 a.m.

We returned from Anaheim where we had

dropped off the virgin Connie Swail.

I telephoned Captain Gannon at home,

waking him.

After absorbing minutes

of gratuitous verbal abuse...

I requested him to meet us

as soon as possible at his office.

Come in.

- Evening, Captain.

- Captain.

We related the details of our successful

follow-up on the Pagan robberies...

and briefed Captain Gannon on the

outlandish festival we had attended...

even going so far

as to demonstrate the goat dance...

we had engaged in

as part of our undercover role.

This music was pulsating

over and over again.

Stop it!

At this point, Captain Gannon

became quite upset.

He accused us of being

on a drinking binge...

and based on our appearance, seemed

reluctant to contact the sheriff...

to investigate the area.

Captain, call the sheriff's department.

I have the directions to the compound.

Hay fever?

Illegal hallucinogenic love drugs.

The Pagans were taking them.

We tried to fit in.

If it weren't for the drugs, we couldn't

have gotten away from the snake.

The snake!

I forgot about the snake.

How big did you say it was again?

- 30 feet.

- 20 feet.

We'd like to have you come to the crime

scene and visually verify our report.

If you could call

Commissioner Kirkpatrick...

we believe this incident, because of its

magnitude, is worthy of her attention.

Do you have any idea

what time it is?

- Yes, sir.

- Don't ask him that, Captain.

- It's 4:
27 a.m., sir.

- He lives for that. It's in his blood.

Thursday, January 8, 5:45 a.m.

Having gained Captain Gannon's grudging

agreement to contact the commissioner...

and proceed with us

to the San Gabriel Mountains...

we eventually arrived at the scene

of the previous night's debauchery.

What is this?

Some sort of juvenile cop humour?

And where the hell

is this supposed Pagan festival?

I can't understand it. There was a huge

screen with Pagan vision written on it.

Yeah! Yeah! This was the hole

that was filled with water.

We had to dive in to save the virgin

being eaten by the giant snake.

Who are these painted cretins?

- Two of my best men, ma'am.

- That's right. That's right.

They're heading up

the Pagan investigation.

They were heading up the investigation.

Now you may consider them off it.

- But, Commissioner?

- Gannon.

What am I going to tell the press?

That now we are investigating

invisible crimes on the word of two...

trick-or-treaters?

You are a civilian and probably unaware

the department's "regs"...

authorize us to wear specialized apparel

during a simulation surveillance.

- I assume you were once a civilian.

- Yes, ma'am.

If you do not drop that insubordinate

tone, you'll be one again soon.

Wait a minute, Friday.

I've never known you to act this way.

Certainly not the behaviour

your Uncle Joe would have approved of.

You know the kind of man he was.

I suggest you try to be

a little more like him from now on.

Yeah, sir. I'll try.

Good.

I'm sorry, Joe.

He's not in any of these.

And I'll never forget his face.

Okay. I guess this officially closes

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