Dragnet Page #7

wasn't issued to him by the department.

But then I realized Joe would never

spring for the price of a motel room.

And since having sex in a Yugo

was a logistical impossibility...

I came to the conclusion

that something must be wrong.

Who cares?

Listen to me, Captain.

Joe Friday was the most dedicated cop

in this city.

Okay, so maybe all his dogs

aren't attached to one leash.

He's thickheaded, insensitive

and reactionary.

And generally less fun to be around

than any person I've ever met.

Still, he was my partner.

You want to find Joe Friday?

My advice is to start checking out

the sanitariums.

- Hey, Pep.

- What's shaking?

- Hey, you!

- Me, Pep?

Detective Streebek to you.

Let's get this mop trimmed.

Stop shaving with a pocketknife,

and next time you eat your lunch...

put it in your stomach,

not on your uniform.

You're a disgrace to this department

and that badge.

You're late, Jerry.

I saw your announcement about my

so-called million-dollar contribution.

Do yourself a favour, friend.

Try the lottery.

The lottery I can fix.

Our problem is Mayor Parvin.

I'm afraid he is not

"going gentle into that good night."

Say what?

That he is not responding

to our pressure to resign.

We're gonna have to push him

over the edge.

Your million-dollar contribution

will insure his presence at your party.

Just make sure he turns into

a drug-crazed idiot, with pictures.

Once he's politically dead,

Commissioner Kirkpatrick...

will be a shoo-in to replace him

in the next election.

You and I will split control

of the city.

You will monopolize all pornography.

Half the poor dumb sheep in Los Angeles

will be forking over money...

to buy your sleaze...

while the other half will be funding me

with the means to fight it.

Reverend...

you got balls as big as church bells.

Thank you.

Jonathan, I do not trust that man.

Thank goodness he trusts me.

That socially-retarded hedonist...

actually believes he's going

to be alive tomorrow.

Where's Joe Friday?

It's no use.

These knots are too tight.

Untie the girl.

She's coming with me.

You hypocrite. If you were decent,

you'd let her go and kill me instead.

Instead?

But, my dear Sergeant Friday,

I'd always planned on killing you.

How do you see yourself

going down in history?

Pagan or reverend,

devil or angel?

Why, both, of course.

One can't exist without the other.

Without the Jerry Caesars,

there'd be no moral outrage.

What's the good of moral outrage...

unless you have something tangible

to direct it against?

By this time tomorrow,

thanks to that poison gas...

you've been tracking

like some flu-ridden bloodhound...

Mr Caesar will be sitting

in that big Jacuzzi in the sky...

and I'll control both sides

of the equation.

Sure, but like every other psycho

in this city with a foolproof plan...

you've forgotten you're facing the

finest fighting force ever assembled.

The Israelis?

Try the decent, hardworking

men and women of Los Angeles.

Forgotten about them?

My dear Sergeant...

I'm absolutely counting on them.

Joe.

Joe?

You may have taken a wrong turn,

but there's time to straighten out.

You're the one that's gonna

straighten out, cop...

all the way down the mountain.

Let's go, Streebek.

Just relax and hold on tight.

Tighter!

Pretend I'm Connie. Ooh!

Look out! Look out!

There's no road here.

No road. Look out!

Look, there's the mayor.

Pretty clever of Whirley manoeuvring

him up here to Caesar's party.

He's got both people

he wants to eliminate in one place.

Hey, isn't that Whirley's car?

Good evening, Reverend.

Child.

I don't see Connie.

- The next car comes, follow me in.

- Wait. You can't go in there.

- When did you become Miss Manners?

- First, you don't have a warrant.

Penal Code 836:
A police officer

may make an arrest without a warrant...

if he believes there's probable cause...

You're not a police officer any more.

I hate to be the one to break

that to you, but it's the truth.

You charge in there now,

you'll never get your badge back.

Whirley's the only one

that knows where Connie is.

He'll tell or I'll shove that collar

so far down his throat...

I'll have to take off his shoes

to wring his neck.

You're not thinking like a cop any more.

You're thinking like a man in love.

Watch your language, mister!

Oh, Joe, l...

You've never had these feelings before,

have you?

Almost.

I had a kitten once.

This is gonna be a little different.

Connie won't be sleeping in a box...

or meowing all night

or climbing up your drapes.

Or maybe she will. You both are sort of

starting from scratch with this thing.

Get out of my way!

Last time you went after Whirley, you

got suspended. Now you'll get arrested.

- On what charge, Junior?

- How about Section 146-A?

That's right.

Impersonating a police officer.

It's for your own good, Joe.

In spite of every logical instinct

I've ever had...

I consider you a real friend.

- Wait.

- Joe, go home.

There's nothing more you can do here.

Believe me.

By the way, my name is Pep.

It's not mister, junior,

bub or Streebek. It's Pep.

Friendships start with first names...

Joe.

Thank you so much for comin'.

Your Honour, pleased you could make it.

You, too, Reverend.

Let's just drop the fake civility.

Okay, Caesar?

- You have a cheque for the Reverend.

- I do, all in due time.

If it would make us all feel better...

why don't I hold on to it

until the formal presentation?

Well, whatever.

You're just in time. We're about

to start our cultural talent show.

Why don't you pull up a pew next to me?

Reverend, I'm sure you'll find

these gals socially redeemin'.

Me me me me

Me me me

Me me me

Me me me me me me

Oh, say can you see

By the dawn's early light

How do you like those sweet pipes,

Reverend?

Surprised?

Oh, yes.

Indeed.

I have a feeling this evening

is going to be full of surprises.

Through the perilous fight

Thunderhead to Cloud 9.

Do you read me?

Our hoses are in place.

Start the gas when ready.

Cloud 9 to Thunderhead.

We're startin' the gas.

- Hi. Just need to use the phone.

- Who the hell...

The White Pages, my favourite. You ever

actually reach out and touch someone?

See if you can get a line

on the man they work with.

I'll be hitting Route 30.

Keep me posted.

- Hello.

- L.A.P.D. Captain Gannon there?

- Yes, he is. It's work, dear.

- Thank you.

Thank you, Delilah. Hello.

- Captain Gannon, this is Streebek.

I'm up at the Caesar mansion.

- Streebek?

I'm surrounded by Pagans. Call out

S.W.A.T. They've got a small army here.

- Reverend?

- I'll be leaving you in charge, Emil.

I'll be joining a special passenger...

aboard my jet for a few

restful days in Acapulco.

Don't forget to leave a Pagan card...

so the police and Mr Caesar's

next of kin...

will give us proper credit

for returning his magazines.

Oh, and, Emil...

ever forward.

Police officers! Clear the road.

"Police officers.

Clear the road."

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