Dreams of a Life Page #6

---

were very close. Betty liked her.

'She thought Joyce was so beautiful

and such a down-to-earth, soft person

'and she loved her.'

Joyce needed somebody

to care for her.

We were living together

about a year and a half.

'But it was a very intense time.

'It seemed more like ten years.

'We did everything together

'and she totally became

enveloped and embroiled in my life.'

Joyce was my friend,

my lover, my partner,

my...

everything.

'We spent

a lot of wonderful times together.

'One time Jimmy Cliff came

and spent a weekend with us.

'Another time Gil Scott-Heron

had come over for dinner.

And she turned round

and she said to Gil,

"What's your definition of a pessimist?"

Gil's eyes brightened up, a wry smile

creased his face and he said,

"A pessimist is a guy

who's in possession of the full facts."

'But one of the funniest things was,

'I came home one day and

she was chatting away on the phone.

'It turned out it was Isaac Hayes.

They had this chat for 45 minutes

as though they were the best of friends.'

'What do you want to talk to me for?

"You seem to be getting on

very well with Joyce."

He said, "Yeah, I wonder

why I want to talk to you."

'She didn't really have

her own interests.

'It seems like

when she went out with someone,

'she got into their life

and shared their interests.'

So when she went out with someone

she sort of became part of that person.

Joyce was like a chameleon

in many ways,

because she just seemed to adapt

her whole life to mine.

'She had no great ambitions,

no great drives, no great plans.

'She wasn't a person with a past.'

And she certainly wasn't

a person with a future.

# If you should see me

# And I'm smiling

# Don't think my smile is for real

# No expression could explain

# How much my heart's in pain

# Since you left me

# Here's how I feel

# My smile is just a frown

# Turned upside-down

# Just a frown

# Turned upside-down

# Yeah

# But each time when I'm in love

# Teardrops start to fall

# My tears erase the lie

that's on my face

# Cos it's really not a smile

# At all

# My smile is just a frown

# Yeah

# Turned upside-down

# Yeah, yeah

# Just a frown

# Turned upside-down

# Oh-oh oh-oh

# And if by chance

# You hear me laughing

# I only laugh to fool the crowd

# Just like Pagliacci did

# I'll keep my sadness hid

# And true to this I laugh out loud

# My smile is just a frown

# Yeah

# Turned upside-down

# I may look happy when I smile

# But really all the while

# My smile is just a frown

# Yeah, yeah

# Turned upside-down up

# I may appear to have a grin

# But really deep within

# My smile is just a frown

# Turned upside-down #

Blimey.

I wish I had the courage.

- Yeah.

'She had a lot of ambitions.

She wanted to do so many things.

And meeting Alistair, I think,

was kind of like a stepping stone.

'He was her vessel

'to get to different people or places.

'I didn't think

she was into the race thing.

'I don't think

she was into black or white.

I think she just wanted to get places.

When we went along

to the Mandela show,

'she was very excited

at being there.'

But I don't think that would have been

something that was highlighted.

"Ooh, this is the black movement

in South Africa."

'Political change

and all that kind of thing.

'But Mandela is a figure.'

'I really wanted to meet him

and I was off

'having a conversation with somebody.

'She came running up to me

and threw her arms me and said,

"You'll never guess who I just met."

I said, "Who?"

I'm looking around and there's

Denzel Washington and Anita Baker

and Patti LaBelle

and all of these wonderful artists.

And she said, "I met Mandela."

I said, "What?

"'The one person I want to meet

and you got to meet him."

'She just happened to be

in the room when he came in.

'And I just thought to myself,

"How cruel life is."'

"I've been wanting

to meet this man all my life

"and Joyce got to meet him."

'It would have been the same

if she met, say, Princess Diana.

'It wouldn't have been their blackness.

'It wouldn't have been the colour aspect

'more than the person.

That's why every time I think of Joyce

and I think about how she died,

or how she was found should I say,

it just boggles my brain.

How did she get herself

into that situation?

She was far too positive a person

to go down that route.

But then you don't really know people.

Joyce died alone

because she wanted to be alone.

I know people will turn around and say,

'Well, what happened

to her friends and family and so on?"

But I think she's probably got

to take responsibility for a lot of that.

No!

Stop!

# Soon I will be done

# Trouble of the world

# Trouble of the world

# Trouble of the world

# Soon I will be done

# Trouble of the world

# Going home

# To live

# With God #

Mother died in the operation.

Do you hear?

Your mother.

She's gone.

'I think the death of her mother

had a profound effect upon her.'

I remember the story she told me

of how her father just broke the news

to them matter-of-factly.

"Oh, by the way, your mother died."

'How she coped I don't know.

'You would just break into pieces.

My mum went to the operation.

'But she coped.

She came to school.

'She told us all about it.

'Just couldn't understand it.

'Even at that age

you're too young to understand it.'

She died.

'I think that was something

that was central to her life. Very sad.

'She always gave me the impression

that she was looking for a father figure.

'She was looking

for that mature person in her life

'who might give her what

she perhaps didn't get from her father.'

Now, I got the impression

that her dad had died.

'I seem to remember her being off

for a period of time on sick leave.

'I am 100% sure

that is what we were told had happened.

'Her dad had died and she'd been off

for a short while because of it.'

And he died in May 2004.

So he died after her!

It's very mysterious.

That's strange.

'She must have had a reason

'and it must have been

a good reason.

'Because she didn't strike me as

somebody that was a compulsive liar.

'So if she's told that lie,

she's had a good reason to do it.

'Everyone has their secrets.

She just had more than most.

'I don't think she'd

grown-up emotionally.

'She wasn't allowed to develop.

'Being brought up by her sisters,

not having a relationship with her father,

'I think in many ways

emotionally she was retarded.'

'She'd say,

"If my sister calls, I'm not in."

'And she'd just roll her eyes like,

"Oh, here we go again. Nagging."

'I did wonder why.

Why would you not talk to your sisters?

'You'd think about it for a little while

and then not let it bother you.

'But every now and again

you thought, 'Why is that?

"'Why would she not keep

in contact with your family?"'

'It's hard to imagine

Joyce not having any contact

'with her sisters' kids.

'Because she did love them.

She really did.

For her to cut herself off from them

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes