Dreams of a Life Page #8

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I was walking down this street

and she was coming towards me,

so I stopped and said, "Joyce!"

She looked at me

and put her head down

and kind of just scurried along.

She picked up speed.

I was like, "Joyce!"

'She just carried on

so I thought, 'Hm, OK

"if that's what you want."

That would have been around 2001.

'They said she died

around December 2003.

'She left the company in March '01.

'It makes you wonder what was going on

when she was working with us.

'Who was she seeing?

What sort of person was he?'

And whether that had anything

to do with her leaving.

She was hiding from somebody.

- Yeah.

'She gave this impression

at work and when we socialised

that she was a happy, bubbly person.

But it makes you wonder

what was actually going on.

'She decided she was going

to go travelling or move on.

'She worked there for four years.'

And they were sorry to see her go.

She had a lovely leaving do

and everybody wished her well.

'I have spoken to somebody

that still actually works there

'and she quite clearly remembers

Joyce telling her

'that she had been head-hunted

by another company.'

'There do seem

to be a lot of conflicting stories

'about what she did when she left.'

'But her boss

definitely is 100% sure

'that she was going travelling

with this group of 20 people.

'And I like to think

that that's what she did.'

If you think about it,

it's like we just accepted

that we never heard from her again.

And there's...

I don't know, there's a part of me

that feels a little bit

uncomfortable about that.

Because you like to think

that you keep in touch with people,

or you make the effort.

And I really just don't understand

what happened here.

'I got this call one day.

It just came out of the blue.

'And I heard this voice say, "Al?"

'I recognised the voice

but I was shocked.

'I hadn't expected to hear from her.

And she said, "It's Joyce."'

A whole kaleidoscope of emotions

went coursing through my brain.

'We met very close

to where she was working.

'What she said to me was

that she'd kind of regretted

'the fact

that we were no longer together.'

'She said that she'd realised

she'd made a mistake.'

That was the one time in her life

that she was truly happy.

'She said, "Would we be able

to pick up the pieces?"

And I just told her that

I didn't think that was possible.

I'd moved on.

I didn't want to... go back.

'That was the last time

I ever spoke to her.'

I think that's probably

the last thing she did say,

apart from, you know,

a kiss on the cheek and goodbye.

I know

it was August bank holiday 2001,

when she came to phone me up

in the middle of the night

and said, "Can I come over and stay,

just for a week or something?"

I said, "Yeah. Sure. "

'I asked her loads,

like, "Are you in trouble?

"'Has anyone bashed you around

or anything like that?

'And no, she was just...'

She said no.

Or did she? I don't know.

I can't remember.

'I met him for a drink

one evening and he said,

"Oh, yeah, Joyce is around."

'I said, "Blimey. How is she?"

and so forth.

'I think he said

she was staying on his couch.'

'She was short of money.

She had a laptop which she sold.

'She just wouldn't tell me

what was going on.

'August bank holiday came and went

'and I said,

"Oh, I thought you were going to go."'

Not that I was trying

to push her out or anything.

And she said, "Can I stay a bit longer?"

I said, "Yeah, no problem at all."

I think I asked him,

was he seeing her again?

He said, no,

she was just staying on the couch

and he was just helping her out.

It was one new year

and Martin phoned me up

and said, "Happy new year.

Someone here wants to talk to you."

And he handed the phone

over to Joyce.

It must have been into 2002

she was still there.

'I was getting a bit anxious as to

how long exactly she was going to stay.

'It ended up she was there

about six months in the end.'

He must have said to me

that he said to her,

"You have to go.

You can't stay on my couch anymore."

Which is fair enough.

It is a really small one-bedroom at.

'I even asked her

if she wanted to go out with me again.

'She said, "No, I don't want

to go back over old ground."'

But I knew in my heart that wasn't

the reason she was staying with me.

I feel really guilty now

because at that time

I was wrapped up

doing other stuff.

And I said, "Yeah,

I'll come and meet you."

And I had things happen

so I never did.

And month on month it went on.

"Maybe I should contact Martin

go and see Joyce."

And I never did.

She could have stayed longer

if she wanted to.

I just wanted her to sort herself out.

'He obviously feels bad

about that,

'That's probably

around the last time he saw her.'

She told me

she was working in the City,

but she didn't say where or doing what.

And when she went to work

'she didn't look her well turned out,

highly polished style.

'Her character seemed really different.

I think she was trying to be the same.

'But you could tell there was something

that she wasn't talking about.'

'I took the day off one day

and she went, apparently, out to work.

'And then I went

to Shepherd's Bush Green.

'And she probably thought

I'd gone to work

'cos she was coming back

across the pedestrian crossing.

'And I was going, "I thought

you'd gone to work, Joyce."'

I'm not feeling very well, Martin.

I thought, "You're not going to work.

You haven't got a job.

"She hasn't told me."

'I think my offers of help

just turned into pressure on her, really.

'There was clearly something going on.'

And I just remember coming back

one day and she'd just gone.

Joyce. Joyce, just breathe easily.

'I think of her constantly.

Constantly.'

And I just...

In fact, I sometimes lie in bed

talking to myself

as if I'm talking to her,

you know, talking out loud.

Yeah, I think about her a lot, really.

Just holding her, actually.

Holding her.

Just breathe easily.

I've spoken to people and they've said,

"That was the love of your life."

And I think they're right, definitely.

Yeah.

'She went in for a peptic ulcer,

which wasn't long before she died.

'She put her next of kin

as her bank manager.'

Is that right?

- Yeah.

She was that removed,

I think, at that point.

Gosh. That's incredible.

- Yeah.

Oh.

Oh, how sad. Yeah.

That's sad,

cos obviously you've got family

and you don't know what's happened.

But surely there's got to be a friend

more than your bank manager.

Oh, my God.

That really sums it up, doesn't it?

'A letter turned up for her.

'I thought maybe it would give me a clue

as to where she was living or something,

'so I just opened it in the end.'

It was a wages slip for a cleaning job.

So I was really hurt when I saw that.

'She wasn't working in the City at all.

She was doing some cleaning job.

'That's why she didn't look polished

in her usual attire.

I thought,

"She didn't want me to know

where she was going,

what she was doing."

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