Drinksgiving

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1

So what the hell happened to you?

I got humdingered by the f***ing kids outside.

Nice, wish I could've seen that.

Oh.

Hey do you want a drink?

A water would be nice, yeah.

- There you go.

- Thanks.

Hey do you want to come back to work?

We're short staffed.

It's actually not a really bad idea.

Could make good money again, have some fun.

Yeah, I don't have anything better to do.

That job I was gonna take, remember?

That fell through like every other f***ing job

that I was gonna take.

And I can't even get pissed about it

because it's not like someone beat me to the job

they're just not f***ing hiring people anymore

so now the money the money that my parents loaned me

for the house I can't pay back

and I have to break the news to them tomorrow

which means of course my mom's gonna be like,

"well you're gonna have to take the job with your dad

'cause you're obviously incapable

of getting a grownup job by yourself."

So yeah.

Actually working here sounds good.

Actually I meant tonight.

I want to get the f*** out of here.

Oh. Hell no b*tch.

Thanks, thanks a lot.

I can't I actually have a party going on

at my place right now.

Oh, so that's where our usual suspects are.

Yeah, drinking at my place

and getting on my f***ing nerves.

Hey I'm running late mom, I can't talk long.

Well I just wanted to see

if I could count on your help with dinner tomorrow.

Your dad has to go get grandma so he won't be much use

and you know grandma won't me much use.

I will be up late, but I will be there.

You know I could really use your help tonight.

We've been over this, you've known about this for a while.

It's the biggest party night of the year.

Aren't your friends in town to see their family?

I don't know why you have to throw a party

the night before Thanksgiving.

No because everyone's coming back into town.

You know and who knows how long

we'll be able to do this years from now.

Yeah everybody's getting older,

they're all gonna start having their own families.

One would hope.

And Kelsey's coming back into town

and I haven't seen her in forever.

I know, I know, the sister you never had.

You know this is kind of a house warming party for me too.

You know hardly anybody's seen the house.

Okay, okay-

yeah, well this is the only night I get to hang out

with my friends from out of town.

I mean who knows it might be our last Drinksgiving like ever.

That name sounds terrible.

I didn't invent it, that's just what they call it.

You should just be happy

I'm not driving around going to bars,

I'm having an adult party for grownups.

And you took Mr. Whiskers

- somewhere safe I assume?

- Oi course.

Promise me you're not gonna show up

hung-over again for dinner smelling like a brewery.

No but I know someone who will.

Oh, hey mom can I call you back, Jake's calling.

Okay, love you, bye.

You have money right?

Mm-hm.

You don't think people are expecting anything other

than like beer and wine right?

Mixers, random snacks, no, no.

I don't think anyone's expecting a big spread.

Not like we're having tomorrow.

You're still coming over right?

Yeah, of course.

Good, 'cause I just really need you to be the buffer

between me and the family this year.

Lam well aware.

Sarah.

Yes.

And while you say you want me as a buffer

after coming out.

I'm willing to bet

this will be another lame attempt

at setting me up with Griff.

Am I right?

No that's actually gonna happen tonight.

Yeah I invited some other people too.

Uh huh.

Clean up, clean up.

What about you, you're single.

I don't see anybody trying to set you up

with every man you meet

or trying to get

you to settle down.

Are you kidding me?

If there's a doddering old antique store owner

someone's gonna try to set me up with them.

"Wait have you met my uncle?

"Oh, my god you have to meet my uncle,

he's so sweet, he so sweet."

Plus I hope to not be single for long.

Really?

Got your eye on somebody?

It's not Kyle is it?

What?

I just, I think you can do better.

Ow.

Stop it, no.

No Magnum size horseplay.

I hope nobody comes over with a hot plate

and is like "can you put this in the oven for me

and keep an eye on it?

You know just a little bit more work for you."

"Oh, my god this stuffing needs to be put in

exactly 10 minutes before you put the Turkey in,

exactly 10 minutes.

And do you have a serving spoon?

Thank you."

This is a serving spoon I will never see again,

bring your own spoon b*tch.

That should've gone on the invite.

So what do we know about Kelsey's new man?

That he exists and that he'll be here.

I don't know, to be totally honest

I don't really care about this dude,

I'm just really excited to see Kelsey.

You have to at least act like you're interested in him.

Be a supportive friend like how I am.

You're right, you're right, I have to do better.

Look at you, hosting your first party in your new house.

Your mom must be proud.

That stone cold fox Jacklyn.

Ew and doubtful.

She doesn't really consider them buying me a house

to make me a grownup so.

Just take the job with your dad.

What, I wish your dad would offer me a job.

I should've kept going out with you.

- Ew.

- Oh, yeah.

Well I might have to if I can't find a job after grad school.

What do you mean, I thought you got that job?

Oh.

F those guys, seriously.

Take the job with your dad.

All the more reason to make your mama happy.

You know she's still angling for me to help her tonight.

What, oh, my god what,

you didn't go over there tonight?

You're such a terrible daughter.

I know.

I can actually picture over there

like in a cashmere sweater clutching her pearls crying

and basting a Turkey with her tears.

Do not let that woman fool you

she has it all under control.

She doesn't need my help.

I need your help and we did it together.

Yay!

Teamwork makes the dream work.

- No.

- Yes.

- No.

- Yes it's awesome.

That's terrible.

Oh, my god!

I gotta go potty, I gotta go potty.

I thought you didn't have any money?

Hello?

Hello?

Oh, my god.

What's up?

Some a**hole keeps pranking me.

Pranking you, people still do that?

Yeah some idiot is calling me like a couple times a week

and he just hangs up.

Okay Sarah, you have a cellphone,

you can check the caller ID.

It keeps coming up as unknown.

Because I'm never gonna get an unknown number again

I'm never gonna get a job offer.

Okay, don't stress out quite yet.

Come on, come on.

Wait, wait.

Egads it's time to get dressed, okay, come on.

Will you turn on my curling iron?

I get it first.

Hey can you get that?

Jake?

Jake?

- Hey.

- Hi.

- Come in.

- Thank you.

The party starts at seven right?

Yeah, you're really punctual.

Can I get you a glass of wine or I haven't opened anything.

I assume you have Riesling.

Oh, by the way I am cutting myself off after a few drinks.

I have to help my mother with dinner tomorrow.

What is this?

Oh god, she would not know what to do without me.

Plus my famous oyster stuffing is always popular so.

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