Drinksgiving Page #2

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No I'll grab that for you.

- Okay.

- Oh yeah, you're a guest.

Oh, I bet it's warm.

I've got great ice cubes.

That's perfect.

So you look great.

Oh gosh, thank you.

I can't find my Pearl earrings anywhere

so I'm just wearing my diamonds and feel flustered.

Hey Sarah, when semen hardens do you...

oh.

You're early.

Sarah I think you have a fungus in your house.

Yeah, well.

Fun guy.

Here you go, actually I'll just keep that.

Thank you.

Sarah did you paint that dog thing up there?

I did.

It looked kinda home done.

I'll put that on the Etsy posting.

So it'll be good to see Kelsey again.

Oh, has it been a while for you?

Yeah well she told me that they would be here

after they had dinner with their parents.

God I hope more people show up.

So Kelsey's got a new man.

He seems cool, like from Facebook.

Yeah actually he's really nice.

He's certainly not somebody I would expect

to be doing, you know?

Doing, what?

You know what, I'm gonna let her tell you this one.

I'm gonna go check on the refrigerator.

What happened?

Oh, my god. I think she is the major candidate

for the vibrator of the month club.

Nothing, I walked off.

- It's fine.

- Good for you.

I so rarely see people take the high road.

Yeah, well couldn't not invite her.

Kelsey would kill me.

It's just a few hours then she'll be gone.

That's it, it's a very mature thing

for you to do Sarah Douglass.

I'm proud of you.

What if I punch her in the vagina?

That's mature right?

- Oh, hi.

- Hey, hey, hey.

- Hey, how are you?

- What's up?

Oh, not much.

- Oh, hey hi girl.

- Hey, how are you?

- Jenny you made it.

- Hi.

- Good to see you.

- Happy Drinksgiving.

- Thank you.

- All right hey.

That's already open.

So good to see you.

Are there gonna be some hot guys here?

Yeah there's a few, some of them are gay.

Oh, hell no.

The baby's at home right?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Okay good, thanks.

Just kidding, come on, get in here.

So good to see you.

Good to see you too, how are you?

- Alison.

- What's going on?

- Hi.

- Here's my bean dip for you.

Put your pants over there, just kidding.

Are they carrying bibles?

- Oh, thank you very much.

- Oh, that's heavy.

Hey, can I show, I want to show you something.

- What's your name?

- Greg.

Yeah you are.

Throw that in the oven for about 10 minutes for me?

Yep, Sarah 10 minutes.

Of course I will.

- Hi, I am so sorry.

- Hey.

Is the music too loud?

Too loud, not loud enough more like it.

Sarah, hey.

Hi.

Thanks for having us.

Is Jake here?

That son of a b*tch promised me some smoke.

Oh, this is my boyfriend.

I like him because he's experienced.

We met on Backpage.com.

You did?

My little tiger.

Whoa,

pretty swanky place.

Definitely worth whatever your daddy paid for it.

I'm gonna get so much dick now.

Yeah.

Hey, hi Aimee.

Get it girl, get it, get it,

get after it, get after it, get after it.

Yes, yes!

So rapscallion, scallywag

and pirate hooker.

Come on she's harmless.

Did you get her test results?

Hey, and don't smoke in the house.

You gonna call the cops on your own party?

Jake, Jake.

Hi.

This is my spoon and I want it back.

Okay, okay.

Yes, yes, yes, yes!

Hey excuse me, hey Sarah.

- How are you?

- I am so sorry.

Hi, who are you?

I'm sorry I didn't RSVP work has been crazy.

Anyway I know you got the whole potluck thing happening

and I thought about buffalo chicken dip,

everyone brings that, chips, salsa, humus, probably covered.

Then it hit me, my mom's chili recipe.

You're gonna love it, all the ingredients are right here.

That is so sweet, you did not have to do that.

That, this is so much effort.

It's not a problem, there's a crock pot in there.

What?

Are you f***ing kidding me?

What was that all about?

This f***ing guy brought chili.

Yay chili.

No he brought chili ingredients.

Apparently I'm supposed to make it

which is super sweet of him.

I don't actually know who he is either.

I don't know, he's dressed nice.

He seems like a nice guy.

Your lowered expectations

are starting to get a bit terrifying.

Look okay I'm gonna help you out.

I'm actually gonna take this meat

and put it in the fridge

because I'm gonna want to eat this later

and I don't want a tapeworm.

You are on a diet.

- This is a nice house though.

- It is really nice the house.

Jeez it's amazing.

Damn.

Ready?

Oh.

- You know it's so heavy.

- Won't be soon.

I know, true story, hold on, hold on a minute.

I got one last round.

Yeah.

Putting in on like armor huh?

Because it is.

That and it makes my lips look like a wet vagina.

Okay.

Well you're making me nervous.

Oh, you weren't already nervous for this high school reunion?

A little bit, I'm trying not to be.

- Babe.

- Yeah?

- You'll be fine.

- Okay.

Jake. Jesus.

Oh, my god you're here, oh.

- In the flesh, I missed you.

- I missed you more.

Oh, I know.

This place is super fancy.

I know, I gotta good deal on it.

I guess.

I brought you a house warming present.

You know me so well.

Yes you're an alcoholic.

I mean that's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me.

- Friends tell the truth.

- Such.

Sorry it took us so long to get here though.

Yeah, your ma's the slowest eater in the world.

Yeah.

You must be Lucas, it's nice to meet you.

Ah come on.

Sarah meet Lucas my man, Lucas, meet Sarah my best friend.

- It's a pleasure.

- Oh.

Just didn't even want to even hear that.

She's been here since seven on the dot.

No, I'm sorry.

You shouldn't be.

I just, I feel kind of bad for her.

You feel bad for her.

- Kelsey!

- Aimee.

Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, move, move.

- Hi!

- Hi.

- Oh you look fantastic.

- Thank you, you too.

- That's not news.

- Stop.

- Hi Lucas.

- Hey Aimee.

How are you?

Oh god, hey did you ever get that thing

figured out with your neighbor?

- Yeah.

- And the trash cans.

Oh wow, good memory.

- Oh, my gosh thank you.

- How're you doing?

I'm incredible and you are so thoughtful to ask.

Sarah all of your chip bowls are without chips.

Would you like me to fill them for you?

That would be so nice of you, thank you.

Of course, I'm happy to do your job for you.

Yeah.

Somebody has to pick up the slack right?

I really appreciate you being nice to her.

You know the PSA of the day?

Being the bigger person is exhausting.

Stop. Seriously this b*tch.

Do you mind if I get something to drink?

Yeah, I mean no, but you know what I meant so.

- This way?

- Yeah.

Kel you want anything?

I'm good right now, thanks babe.

Okay.

Where did you pick him up?

Oh.

Seriously.

Yeah no you can't have him.

Does he have a brother?

- Yes.

- Great.

- Okay, excuse me guys.

- Sure.

Oh, yeah.

Hey let me get that for you there guy.

Oh thanks man, appreciate it.

Here you go.

So you and Kelsey how long have you guys been together?

I mean you are with her right?

Yeah we're together.

How's that even work,

I mean that's so weird, how's that work?

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